


Modern Guilt

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alastair is a fucking creep, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cas collects weird books, DEAL WITH IT, Dean is an artist, Double Penetration, Edging, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Graphic Violence, M/M, Naked Yoga, Orgasm Denial, Panty Kink, Rape, Sexual Abuse, Smut, Threesome - M/M/M, Torture, Toys, and Gabriel is still emotionally stunted, bare backing, dub-con, like seriously, lots of fucking kinks okay?, non-con, self worth issues, sort of slow burn, three boys in love yo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-10 08:33:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 53,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1157453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak and Gabriel Milton are looking for a new roommate.  They get Dean Winchester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We Don’t Dream Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, a collab with the ever lovely Aussie o' mine. (http://insanity-is-life.tumblr.com/)
> 
> WARNING: There is a lot of sex once we get to it. I will put warnings before each chapter, just in case. There is drug use. Also, there will be graphic depictions of sexual abuse and violence. I will also place warnings before those. 
> 
> The rape/sexual assault/violence does not occur between the love interests, but rather an outside person who forces himself upon on of the boys. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it!

The door slammed as one dishevelled Gabriel Milton sauntered into his shared apartment, grinning smugly at his roommate.  Throwing down a beer coaster onto Cas’ stomach, as was their usual Friday ritual, Gabriel stood before him practically preening.  There was a smear of lipstick just beneath his ear and the definitive purpling of a bite mark.

“Three.”  He boasted, gesturing to the numbers scrawled down in differing hands over the back of the coaster.

Castiel gave a soft snort from his place lounging over their couch, a leg hooked over the back, a slight scruff around his jaw as he raised his head, bloodshot eyes staring up at his long-time friend.  “Is that all?”

“What do you mean ‘is that all?’  Like to see you do better.”

Cas rolled his eyes, getting off the couch with feline moments, rolling onto his feet like liquid, picking up the coaster as he went, examining it with narrowed eyes.  “Last I checked, I was still winning.  Got four last week, remember?”

“One was fake.”  Gabriel reminded, puttering off to change, no shame in stripping in front of his roommate as he tugged his shirt up and over his head.

Cas gave a huff of annoyance, pinning the coaster to the corkboard with a couple dozen other cards, photos and coasters-- record of the people they'd picked up, or at least thought about picking up.  It had been tradition for years, counting things they’d earned; stickers when they were young, awards when they were in kindergarten, bruises when they were in high school.  Wanting to beat the other, in any and every way possible, though it never managed to interfere with their friendship.

“Fine.  So we tie.”  He admitted, laying back over the couch, flicking lazily through a history textbook, re-reading the third chapter.

“Hear back from the new roommate?”  Gabriel asked as he made his way back out in a pair of _Family Guy_ themed boxers and a cotton t-shirt, getting a lazy shake of Cas’ scruffy head in reply.

“He only accepted yesterday, be patient.”

“Don’t start that crap again.”

“No idea what you’re talking about.”  Cas replied, giving him a cheeky little smile, glassy eyed.

“Dickhead.”  Gabriel retorted, sitting squarely on his friend’s legs, watching as Cas squirmed to removed them.

“Asshole.”  Cas spat, stretching his legs out over Gabriel’s lap as he read, silence falling for a moment as Gabriel fished for the remote from between the couch cushions, the soft blare of the TV filling the room as he channel surfed.

“Hey, Cas?  You think he'll be alright…  The new guy, I mean?  We generally tend to scare them off pretty fast.”

Castiel paused for a moment, looking nearly wistful as he thought of the few exchanges they’d made via email.  “I like the sound of this one.  He seems different.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes but seemed appeased, going back to his reality TV.

* * *

 

Dean had told them that he'd be there on Sunday. 

He knew it wasn't a lot of time-- hell, he'd only emailed to inquire about their ad in the local paper a few days previous-- but he needed to get in a new place _fast_.  It was sheer luck that there was an apartment open at a cheap rate in a not-so-bad side of town that was willing to let someone move in without an extensive credit check.  Dean didn't have good credit.  Dean had very _bad_ credit, in fact.  And not all of it was even under his legal name.  Dean had so much bad credit that his fake identities had bad credit.  It was hard to stay in the black while trying to cover college payments for classes that weren't even yours when you never had a steady income in the first place. 

It had been hard, growing up in the system the way he and his little brother had.  Foster homes weren't easy, and it was even harder to find places that would take the both of them at the same time.  They'd been moved around so much, Dean never had time to set in roots, to start finding himself a good job that would pay him well when he had nothing but a GED.  So when his baby brother Sam got into Stanford with most of his classes paid for, he'd been happy.  And he'd been relieved.  But that still left so much for them to cover out of pocket-- and Dean would never let Sam do that himself.

So Dean took the hit.  Took the crappy shelters, slept in his car sometimes, and bunked with friends where he could.  Because jobs were hard to hold in this economy, and they didn't pay enough for him to live well _and_ cover the frankly illegal amount of money it took to buy textbooks.

It was how he'd ended up with Alastair, though.  Alastair who was older than Dean, who had been charming at first, who had told him he'd take care of everything.  Who'd seduced Dean into living with him for nearly a year-- friendly at first, and then more than friendly, and then increasingly violent (but Dean didn't talk about that, never talked about it, refused to talk about it)-- and then had quickly become so frightening to be around that Dean escaped back to the streets of San Diego.  Beautiful people and beautiful places, and not one apartment that would take him without a credit check.

Until the ad in the _Tribune_.  Roommate needed, price negotiable, email if interested.  So Dean had, and he'd gotten a quick reply, they talked price, and then he was moving in.  He'd told them Sunday, a mere three days after the initial conversation, and they'd seemed amiable.

But standing there in front of the metal slab of a door-- one of those ones that slid open, one of those ones that meant there was probably a pretty sizable flat behind it-- and he was suddenly nervous.  What if they didn't like him?  They didn't have a legal lease, so what if they just kicked him out?  Clutching the boxes in his arms-- two cardboard ones filled with music and movies and books and pictures he'd managed to salvage-- duffel full of clothes at his feet, feeling suddenly _not enough_ for any of this, he sucked in a tight breath and leaned over to hit the buzzer on the intercom, stomach in knots as he waited.

 

 

 

The buzzer sounding drew Castiel out of what had been a very peaceful nap, jerking awake with a half mangled curse.  Looking blearily around the room, he rubbed at his eyes, frowning when he found no Gabriel around, getting to his feet and padding over to the door. 

Upon realising --only after he'd passed their calendar-- that it was indeed Sunday, and the interrupting buzz was is all likelihood their new roommate, Cas decided it would be prudent of him to put some pants on.  Fumbling around to find something suitable, he nearly fell over three times on his way back to the door, righting himself and pressing the button on the intercom.  "Hello?"

" _\-- oh, shit."_   Came back a muffled reply through the thick slab of steel, and then there was the sound of something toppling before there was a voice crackling back over the speakers.  " _Um, hi.  I uh... I'm Dean Winchester?  I was supposed to move in today?"_

Smiling to himself, Castiel opened the door for him, standing there in all his scruffy glory, a sizable bite mark over his collar bone, hair standing on end.  The furrow between his brows deepened as he peered at Dean, assessing, watching as the man flushed, scrambling around to pick up the boxes he'd dropped.  Bending to help, Cas caught a glimpse of vivid green eyes, dark blond hair just messed up enough for his liking, attractive in the way Bernini statues were.  Marble perfection.  He had a feeling his new roommate would fit in _just_ fine.

"Hello, Dean."  He said, voice rough from sleep, standing fluidly with a box of what looked like movies and a few assorted trinkets.  "I didn't expect you so early."

Dean glanced up at him sharply, shoving a few things that had managed leap out to try and make their escape back into the other box he had, and he fidgeted nervously as he stood with it.  It wasn't quite what he'd been expecting.  If this was C. Novak, he looked a lot more... homeless than he sounded over the computer.  Disheveled and scruffy, like he enjoyed lounging around in a pair of boxers and nothing else.

A sight that certainly wouldn't offend Dean, but it certainly hadn't been what he was picturing.  Nothing like the well written person he'd talked with in the few emails they shared. 

His eyes darted from Castiel, to his things and over to Castiel again, and Dean seemed to scramble for his words.  "Is it too early?  I can-- I can come back later, if you want?"

Cas waved him off half heartedly, shuffling back into the apartment, scratching at the back of his head.  "Don't worry about it.  You've come this far, it'd be rude if I turned you away."  He said, offering a warm, if slightly off-kilter smile. 

Upon seeing Dean hesitate, he raised a single eyebrow.  "Don't stand there.  Come in."

Dean started slightly, and he took a slow step into the apartment.  He followed after Castiel, glancing around curiously-- there was a flash of relief in Dean when he realized that he wasn't moving in with a couple of crazies.  At least, not openly so.  "So uh... You're Mr. Novak, right?"

Cas shook his head, depositing Dean's belongings on the couch.  "Mister Novak is my father.  I'm Castiel."

"Castiel," Dean tried the sound of it on his tongue, and he paused in the middle of the living room, looking incredibly out of place-- not because he didn't belong there, but because he obviously felt that way.  "That's a bit of a mouthful."

Castiel moved to stand uncomfortably close, no issue with personal space, offering a hand to shake once he remembered his manners.  "Cas, then."

"Uh," Dean shifted uneasily, arms still full, and he made quick work of setting it all down at their feet before he took Castiel's offered hand, finding it warm and surprisingly smooth.  "Cas.  It's nice to meet you.  Officially."

Castiel hummed softly in response, head tilting with aviary interest as he peered at Dean's hand, holding it in both of his own with no concern for the blatant disregard of social norms.  Dean's palms were calloused, his fingernails short, fingers rough, but not uncomfortably so as he smoothed his hands over the spread of his palm.  "You work with your hands."

Dean swallowed thickly and then cleared his throat, shuffling a bit uncomfortably, but he was unwilling to pull away and perhaps offend Cas.  There was something comforting in Castiel's touch, warm and gentle, knowledgeable.  It was like he was transparent, easily readable under the intensity of those blue eyes-- which, really, were quite nice.  Sort of dazedly, he glanced up at him, fingers twitching.  "Yeah, I... It's easy, working with your hands.  Don't need much talent to do it."

A slow smirk curled Cas' lips at the implication, intended or not, of his words.  "I bet you're good with your hands."  He chuckled, letting them go in favour of looking over Dean's face, analysing his features, delicate despite his voice.

A blush spread over Dean's face, hot at his cheeks, and he took a small step back-- though Cas seemed to eat the area back up with an easy movement, completely at home in Dean's space.  Huffing out a nervous laugh, he flexed his hand at his side.  "I'm not-- I'm not _bad_ with my hands.  Though, I've been told that I, uh, I'm great with my mouth."

The flush on Dean's face only made him all the prettier, and Cas tilted his head the other direction as he peered at him, leaning in to look at the smatter of freckles over Dean's cheeks, smelling of incense and smoke and sweat; hazy and sweet.  "I'd very much like to test that theory."

"Hah," he huffed, licking his lips and taking another step back, though he couldn't deny the heated roll of his stomach.  "You sure you were just looking for a roommate in the paper?"

"I'll try anything once."  Cas chuckled, a low, rich sound.  "Or twice if you're game."

"I really, uh..."  Dean found his eyes drawn to Castiel's mouth, and he quickly looked back up-- he couldn't get out of a rushed and god awful relationship only to stumble right into another.  "Probably not the best idea, us just meeting and all.  Me moving in."

Cas gave a soft hum, pulling back a little, enough to get out of his immediate space, nodding slowly.  "Fair enough."  He shrugged, a lazy roll of his shoulder.  "So, this all you have?"

Dean sucked in a sharp breath, looking down at everything he owned and nodded.  "Besides my car, yeah.  This is it."

Castiel nodded slowly, idly looking over Dean's belongings, poised to speak again when a familiarly obnoxious voice called from the entryway.

"You born in a fucking tent, Cas!  Close the door, we've talked about this."  Gabriel called, a box of doughnuts under his arm as he slid the door shut, not noticing Dean until he'd turned around, a little confused until he caught the pointed look Cas was giving him.  "Right...  Dean, isn't it?"

Dean turned about, blinking owlishly at the other man and he gave a sharp nod.  "Yeah-- Yes, hi.  You must be my other roommate?"  He asked, unsure.

He nodded, offering a bright grin.  “Gabriel."  He greeted, "Welcome to the madhouse.”

Brow ticking up, Dean seemed to relax some, and he offered up a hand to the other man.  "Nice to meet you."

Like the relatively normal person he was, Gabriel shook his hand only for a few second longer than necessary, casting an appreciative glance over him.  "Pleasure's all mine."

"Gabriel!" Cas chided, "Don't scare him away, I like this one."

"That's funny," Dean muttered glancing over at Castiel and then back to Gabriel.  "Considering he was much more forward than you're being."

"Yeah, but he's creepy."  Cas said conspiratorially, leaning over to Dean, a cheeky smile on his face as he stared over to Gabriel for a second, watching as Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Now, who's scaring him away?"

"No one's scaring me away," Dean laughed, though he did put some space between him and the other two.

Castiel was about to argue when Dean spoke, shutting his mouth with a soft click, shrugging to Gabriel.  "Fair enough."  They said in near perfect unison.

Dean barked out another sharp laugh, shaking his head.  "This isn't some weird, bizarro world I stepped into, right?  You guys aren't the twins from _The Shining_ are you?"

Castiel just looked downright confused, brow creasing as Gabriel chuckled.  "No.  No, we aren't quite that fucked up."

"Good to know," Dean smiled amiably at him, and then the conversation lulled.  Clearing his throat, Dean gestured down to his things and then tilted his head.  "So, where am I shacking up?"

"Anywhere you'd like."  Gabriel purred, brushing by so that he could plop down onto the couch, doughnuts in his lap, a playful looking smirk on his face.

Cas rolled his eyes, gesturing towards the door directly across from them.  "It's all yours."

"Thanks," Dean offered up a small, but genuine smile, bending down to pick up his things and grabbing the box off of the couch as well.  He disappeared behind the door without another word, leaving the two of them alone.

Neither Cas nor Gabriel bothered to hide their glances when Dean bent down, sharing a look of approval, waiting for him to be out of earshot.

"I think it's our lucky day."  Cas said, a warm smile on his face.

"I called him first."  Gabriel mumbled, a little absent as he stared at the door Dean had disappeared behind.

"I _saw_ him first."

"I'm older."

"Three months, Gabriel.  Three months."

"Still counts."

"Shut up, I saw him first, and I call dibs on his pretty little ass."

"What if he likes me more?"  Gabriel challenged, to which Cas only shrugged.

"Then he'll have you."  Castiel reasoned, pinning his friend with a stern look.  "And if he likes neither of us, then we'll leave him alone."

"Agreed."

Dean poked his head out abruptly, brows furrowed, looking bashful in an incredibly endearing way.  "Do uh... either of you have sheets I could use for the bed?  I don't-- I don't exactly own any."

Their conversation came to an sudden halt, turning with near perfect synchronization, Gabriel perched on the couch and Castiel standing before him, nodding as Cas gestured for Dean to follow him across the apartment, riffling through their linen closet and pulling out a set of clean sheets for him. 

"You're welcome."

It only served to make Dean blush again, glancing down in something akin to humiliation.  "Thank you."

Cas tilted his head at the endearing little way he flushed, that off-kilter smile on his face again.  "You okay settling in?"

"Fine," he nodded, meeting his piercing gaze.  "It's a lot... bigger than my last place."

"This isn't exactly rich picking.  Where did you come from?"  Gabriel asked, turning his head to face them.

Dean seemed to hesitate, taking a deep breath, and he plastered on a smile.  "A worse part of town than this."  Stepping away from them, he headed back towards his room, clutching the sheets tight to his chest.  "I'll uh... just go unpack and stuff.  Thanks for the linens.  I'll pay you guys back."

And then the door was shut again, leaving them alone once more.

Castiel frowned, watching him go, not liking the tone Dean took on, or the smile so terribly faked.  "I think this one might be a little troubled."  He said quietly, no longer interested in ogling the muscles of his back as he left.

"Everyone's 'a little troubled' to you, Cas."  Gabriel countered, knowing his friend was probably already thinking up a half dozen way to help Dean.  Or at least to try.  Cas gave a soft shrug, ambling into his own room with a soft mumble of having some things to do.

* * *

 

Dean wasn't sure, exactly, what he was expecting walking into this.  He certainly hadn't expected two men-- two very attractive men-- to welcome him so openly.  So... warmly.  It was bordering on awkward, just how _warm_ the two of them were.  Blatant in their interest, or at least seeming to be.  Still, Dean couldn't blame them; he knew he was desirable, had been told so enough times in his life, had used it to his advantage even more.

However, mutual attraction aside, Dean hadn't expected his new roommates to be so in-your-face.  Normally, people were tentative around one another with first meeting.  Social cues didn't seem to be a big part of their life.  While it was certainly odd, and could take some getting used to, Dean couldn't say it was a deal breaker.  Not when the rent was only two hundred and fifty dollars a month for a room that was bigger than the ones he'd shared with five other boys or so most of his life, and in a gorgeous spot downtown.  Honestly, the cheap cost had made him nervous at first, but seeing the place and the two men that lived there made him wonder if they really needed a roommate, or just had a spare room and a want for some spare cash.  In which case, Dean would very happily take up that role.

Especially considering the view he got from his window.  The Bay Bridge was right in his line of sight, and he could even spot the Coronado Ferry puttering across the water between San Diego and the island-turned-peninsula.  The sun was at just the right angle, reflecting off the small wakes in an electric blue.  Dean was positive that on the right day, with the right winds, he would be able to see the bay spackled with sailboats.

Leaning against the window frame, Dean stared out, nerves quelled for a moment with the knowledge that-- at least for now-- this was all his.  When he'd finally taken enough of it in, he pulled back and turned to the mattress on the floor, sheets and boxes piled on top.  It wasn't much, but it was almost the best he'd ever had.  There was even a few shelves installed on the brick wall at the far end of the ten by ten foot room, and a rustic looking dresser shoved in the corner farthest away from the window.  It wasn't a lot, but Dean was already ready to call it home.

He was about to start digging around in his duffel, ready to settle in, when his phone-- clunky and pay-per-minute-- went off in one of his boxes.  Startling, he rushed through it, rummaging around until he caught hold of it, pressing the cell to his ear as he tried to clean up the mess he'd ended up making.

“Speak and you shall be heard,” he muttered, brow furrowed as he crouched there, pulling things out of the cardboard box bit by bit.

“ _Dean!_ ”  Meg's voice rang out, sounding relieved, like she'd been stressing for hours.  “ _Oh, thank fuck, I thought I'd lost you._ ”

He winced.  The last time they'd talked had been the week previous, when he'd still been trapped at Alastair's.  “You found me, looks like it's your lucky day.”

“ _Where the fuck_ are _you, Dean?_ ”  Meg hissed, and he rubbed his hand over his mouth slowly, bracing himself.  “ _That dick came by the bar last night looking for you-- I thought he was just posing, making it look like you disappeared when really he just--_ ”  Her voice cracked, and she fell silent for a moment.  “ _Benny threw him out.  I thought you finally pissed him off or something, thought I was gonna watch the morning news and find out your dead body washed up on the beach or something_.”

“No, no.”  He breathed, fingers dragging through his hair until it stood slightly on end.  “Nothing like that.  I'm fine.  I-- I moved out.”

“ _And into your car?_ ”  Meg asked, terse.  She knew he'd made due in his baby before.  “ _Dean, you know you can stay with me--_ ”

“I found an apartment downtown, by the water.”  Dean sighed, standing up slowly.  “I'm fine.”

“ _D-een?_ ”

There was static and he cringed.  “Meg?  Can you hear me?”

“ _Can't... ... --ear me--?_ ”

“Shit,” he cursed, pulling his phone back to stare at his complete lack of signal before pressing it back to his ear.  “Shit, hold on, Meg.  I'll call you back.”

Hanging up, he discarded the little Nokia on his bed.  Dean opened his door slowly, careful to shut it quietly behind himself, and he paused there, hesitating as he stared at the man lounging casually on the couch, doughnut halfway to his mouth.  Clearing his throat, Dean caught Gabriel's attention, faltering under his gaze, warm like whiskey and subtly expectant.

“Hi,” Dean smiled, taking a small step forward.  “Sorry I keep asking for things, but uh...  You don't happen to have a landline, do you?  The signal on my cell sucks ass, and I--  I just have a call to make.”

Gabriel assessed him for a moment, swallowing around the mouthful of doughnut he had as he nodded, gesturing to the phone hung on the wall next to a row of book shelves packed with everything from yellow paged classics to peculiarly titled novels and guides.  "Use it anytime you like."

“Thanks,”  Dean smiled, moving over to the old style, corded phone; he had to resist the urge to twine his finger through the tight spirals as he plucked it off of the receiver, dialing in the number needed and holding it between his ear and his shoulder as his eyes skimmed over the few titles within range.

" _The Tipsy Crow, what can we serve you tonight?_ "  A gruff, southern drawl had Dean relaxing instantly-- he'd been worried he'd get Dick, the manager of the place, who certainly lived up to his namesake.  Benny, the owner, was a completely different story.

"Hey, it's Dean."

Benny whistled, low and long, and Dean had to roll his eyes.  " _Well, hey there, Dean-o.  Meg's been throwing quite the fit over you.  I had to throw that boyfriend of yours--_ "

"--out.  Yeah, I know."  Dean nodded, sighing a little.  "He's not my-- we're not together anymore.  Keep him out?”

There was a drawn out pause.  “ _You okay?_ ”

“I'm good, Benny.  Just-- Put Meg on?  She's been covering my shifts-- probably deserves to know what's going on.  We got disconnected.”

In any other circumstance, Gabriel would have listened in more intently than he was now, more curious than anything else.  It wasn't everyday that you get a new roommate with what appeared to be a shit of an ex.  Deciding he'd heard enough to begin to piece bits of Dean's story together, Gabriel got up and shuffled into the kitchen, giving him a little privacy.

When Dean was done assuring Meg that _no_ he was not being held captive, and _yes_ he was sure she didn't need to make up the pull out couch for him, he hung up the phone with polite goodbyes.  She parted with a promise to punch him when he came into work on Monday night for making her worry so damn much.  Taking a deep breath, he meandered into the kitchen as well, offering a grin Gabriel's way.

"So, Castiel wasn't exactly forthright with all of the details when we emailed."  Dean said, hovering in the entry.  "We share a bathroom, I have my own room-- but the kitchen?  The living room?  Are those all fair game too?"

Halfway through his second doughnut, Gabriel raised an eyebrow at him, not quite sure why Dean would even ask.  "The apartment is yours as much as it’s mine.  Kitchen, bathroom, living room.  All yours as long as you pay your bit when you can."

Dean smiled gratefully.  “Awesome.  And do you guys-- do you guys cook regular dinners or anything?  Like, should I avoid the kitchen at certain times or what?”

Gabriel choked abruptly on his mouthful of pastry, swallowing only to give Dean a pointed look.  “Do we look like the types to cook to you?  Cas burns pasta, and I have no patience for that shit.”

“It’s pretty hard to burn pasta,” Dean muttered, blatantly amused as he crossed his arms over his chest.  “What do you do for food then?”

“Take out.  Lots and lots of take out.”

Dean’s brow furrowed and he shook his head.  “That’s not food.”

Gabriel shrugged.  “It works, unless you can cook?”

“I can cook,” Dean grinned.  “In fact, I’m a pretty damn good cook.”

A pleased grin curled Gabriel’s lips, slow and nearly predatory, clapping a hand on Dean's shoulder.  “Perfect.”

Dean jolted slightly, palm hot even through his shirt, and he didn’t move away.  “Yeah.  Just chip in with money for food, and I can make anything you like.”

Gabriel gave a rich chuckle, taking his hand away as he leant against the kitchen counter.  “Just don’t tell Cas you said ‘anything,’ he’ll have you cooking up some of the weirdest shit you have ever heard of.”

“I doubt it,” Dean chuckled, and he moved deeper into the kitchen curiously, checking out the appliances and all that they had.  “I have a friend-- a boss, really, who’s from Louisiana.  He’s secretly a culinary genius.  Food from all over the world at his house.”

“Trust me.  Cas has brought up some weird recipes before.”  He said, almost grave as he looked at Dean.  “I don’t even know how people are allowed to publish it.”

Dean pulled a face, and he paused to open the fridge, finding it devastatingly barren aside from a few spare boxes of Chinese take out.  “I’ll watch what I say then.  No promising anything to Castiel.”

Gabriel peered over his shoulder, cringing slightly.  “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.  At least a week old.”

“Why is it even in here still?”

“Haven’t cleaned out for a while.  Been busy.”

“Too busy to throw out the trash?”  Dean snatched up the bad food, bumping the door shut with a hip as he moved over to the trash can, popping it open and dropping the take out into it.

Gabriel paused for a second, watching as he moved with hardly concealed interests.  “Maybe lazy is a better word.”

Dean turned back to him, looking curious and tentative at the same time.  “Do you wanna go to the grocery store with me?  I don’t exactly have money _right now_ , but I can get it to you later, and I’d really like to make something for you guys tonight.  It could… I dunno, it could facilitate bonding or some shit.”

Gabriel considered his offer for a moment, tapping a hand absently against the bench top.  “What do you need?”

“Well, that depends.”  Dean smiled.  “What do you want?”

Gabriel let out a warm chuckle, the kind that oozed lust.  "Depends on what you can give me.  But I like surprises.  Nothing spicy, gives Cas heartburn."

"Do you let fettuccine?"  He canted his head, drawing a few steps closer.  "I know a pretty wicked recipe.  You have pots and pans, right?"

"Yeah."  He said, gesturing to the cabinets.  "Fettuccine, huh.  Sounds good to me."

"Cool," he grinned, a faint glimmer of excitement in his gaze.  "Fettuccine it is.  Sort of like a, uh, 'hey, thanks for letting me live here' kind of thing."

Gabriel laughed softly, sharing an amused smile with him.  "Well, you're welcome."

"Okay.  Right."  Dean nodded, and then he was moving towards the doorway.  "I'm just... I'll go finish unpacking?  And then we can go?"

Gabriel nodded, "We'll have to get you a key too."

"That'd probably be wise."

"Can't have you left out in the cold."

Dean paused right before him, and smiled.  "Well, it's nice that you’re already worried about my well being."

Gabriel gave a noncommittal shrug, brushing off his words.  "Roommates are hard to come by."

"I doubt it.  Not in a place like this."

"You'd be surprised."  He said, a little enigmatic as he pushed off the bench.  "Most people leave within a week."

"Really?"  Dean stayed his ground, feeling more and more at ease around him.  "And why is that?"

Gabriel hesitated for a long moment, unsure how Dean would react, wording his reply very carefully.  "We just...  Uh.  Have a different lifestyle to what people call normal."

"Believe me when I say I've probably seen worse," he leaned in, eyes understanding, hands tucked in his pockets casually.  "You guys aren't gonna scare me off.  Promise.”

"I'll hold you to that."  Gabriel said, serious save for a grin that split his expression after a few moments.

"Okay," he returned the look and then turned, talking over his shoulder as he walked away.  "I'll see you when I'm done.  Cas can come too if he wants."

"He's out."  Gabriel replied, gesturing to the vacant hook on the kitchen wall, where Cas' keys usually hung.

Dean just waved, disappearing behind his door once more.

* * *

 

Shopping was by no means something Gabriel enjoyed, but it was a task he was generally charged alone with after an unfortunate incident involving Castiel and a carton of eggs at their local green grocer.  He was asked to never return.  Grocery shopping with someone who actually knew what they were doing, however, was much more entertaining, and Dean certainly knew his way around.  It seemed, the more Gabriel got to know him, the better he was. 

"You're awful good at this kinda shit…  Practice?"

Dean shrugged a single shoulder, piling two different boxes of pasta into the cart-- Gabriel had told him price wouldn't be an issue, get anything he thought they needed, so he wasn't just buying things for the night but rather the next week or so.  Dean was keeping a mental meal plan, silently planning on finding their favorite dishes so that he could quickly be indispensable to them.  So that he didn't ever have to move out of that corner bedroom.

“Yeah, I mean, I did a lot of the shopping growing up-- more of the cooking though.”  He paused by the cans of tomato paste, bending to grab a few organic brands from the bottom, getting the diced ones and then standing so that he could put those in the buggy as well.  “I didn't get to as much at my old place, but it's kind of like riding a bike.  You don't exactly forget.”

Gabriel watched with unabashed interest as Dean bent, though he looked away quickly enough when he rose again.  "Where were you before?" 

"Before when?"  He asked, a careful and subtle evasion.  "I've been a lot of places."

"Yeah?  Well.  Where did you start?"

Dean looked over at him, a small smile on his face.  "Kansas."

Gabriel let out a low whistle, "That's an awful long way."

“It is,” he nodded, smiling to himself as they puttered along, waiting for the obligatory follow up question.

"So, how did you manage to get all the way out here?"

"Long version or short?"  Dean shot back, stopping and reaching over Gabriel to snatch up a few seasoning packets from off the shelf.

He leant out of the way as Dean reached across him, snagging a bag of marshmallows from a promotion stand next to his head, and dropping them less than sneakily into the trolley.  "Short works."

"Well," Dean looked almost contemplative, brow furrowed, lips pursed as he thought of the best way to go about explaining it all, pointedly ignoring the extra item in their cart.  "Due to... unfortunate circumstances, I found myself moving around quite a bit at a young age-- along with my little brother.  Eventually, over the years and a lot of bus and plane rides later, we found ourselves in California.  Now he's in San Francisco going to college, and I'm down here in San Diego."  He glanced over at him, chuckling at the curious and expectant look on Gabriel's face.  "Too short?"

Gabriel nodded in understanding, knowing enough not to pry into what unfortunate circumstances were.  "No.  That's clear enough.  What does your brother do?"

“Pre-law.  Standford."  Dean replied, a small but proud grin on his lips even as he glanced Gabriel's way, turning the cart down another aisle.  "You know, you _can_ ask me things if you want to know.  I'm moving in with you-- it's kind of expected."

He gave a soft shrug, "Some people don't like answering questions."

"If I don't want to answer it, I won't."  Dean told him, stopping halfway down to grab something, placing it in the cart.  "Ask away."

"Fair enough."  Gabriel said, snagging a block of chocolate from the shelf next to him, falling back to his list of questions for getting to know someone.  "Favorite colour?"

Barking out a surprised laugh, he shook his head.  "Red.  And yours?"

"Gold."  He replied, almost immediately.  "Public transport, or driving?"

"Oh, driving, come on.  That's not even a question."

"Of course it is.  It says a lot about a person."  Gabriel countered, "So, you have a car?"

"Did you see that Impala sitting in the parking garage?"  He asked, raising a sly brow.

"The black one?"  He asked, an impressed hum leaving him.  "Nice."

"Thanks,"  Dean grinned, and he shamelessly snagged a bag of Twizzlers and tossed it into the cart.  "So, what about you?  Lived in San Diego your whole life?"

Gabriel shook his head, "I lived in Europe for a few months last year, and I grew up Ohio."

"Where in Europe?"

"Denmark."

"For some odd reason, that doesn't surprise me."

"No?  Most people think it's weird."

Dean shrugged.  "Well, I don't know you very well."

He gave a shrug, sneaking a box of Pods into their cart.  "True, but you know me better than a lot of other people."

"We just met," Dean scoffed, brow raising in amusement at both Gabriel's statement and the fact that Gabriel was sneaking things that Gabriel was going to be paying for anyways.  "How is that even possible?"

"There's, like, seven billion people in the world.  You know me better than most people."

Dean snorted.  "You meant it literally?  So, if I know you better than most-- who knows you best?"

"Probably Cas."  He replied, "We've known each other for a very long time."

"How long have you guys been... Friends?  Boyfriends?  Roommates?"

"Friends."  Gabriel corrected, "Since we were four."

Dean whistled.  “That's a damn long time to know a person-- you guys are, what, late twenties?”

"Twenty eight."  He replied, "He grows on you after a while."

“Like what?  A fungus?”  He bantered, no venom behind his words.  “Or like a guy who constantly hits on you at a bar, and after five hours of it, you finally give in and give him your number?”

Gabriel chuckled, considering the comparison for a moment.  "Fungus.  Definitely a fungus.  Don't worry, he'll grow on you too."

"Great," Dean laughed drolly, shaking his head as he snagged up a package of tortillas and some hard shell taco bowls-- he honestly couldn't condone take out all of the time, and had to have back up meals.  "So you guys have known each other since you were little and now you live together?  That's pretty cool-- he from Ohio too or is that just where you were born?"

“He lived two blocks across from me, went to school together, and then sort of forgot to break apart.  His dad worked under my dad, and when the business moved out to the Great Sunshine State, Cas' family followed.  Now he's stuck with me."  He explained, eyeing off the contents of the cart.

"He's stuck with you, or you're stuck with him?"  Dean teased, and then headed towards the meats.  "Do you like chicken?  I know this pretty wicked thing that involves a can of beer and a whole chicken."

Gabriel ignored his teasing to avoid the little mumble at the back of his mind that insisted Cas was stuck with him, that Cas could have done better, painting on a smile.  "That's an interesting mental picture…  I'll try anything once."

Dean stopped abruptly, turning to give him a dryly amused look.  "Castiel said that today when he was hitting on me.  You two really are close, aren't you?"

Gabriel gave a shrug.  "We sort of pick up little things from each other sometimes."  He said, hesitating for a moment before a near petulant expression took over his face.  "Wait…  He was hitting on you?"

Dean snorted indelicately, moving over to the lines of beef and pork, checking the dates printed on the front of a few and making sure to snatch up a couple spicy sausage links.  "I think so-- I mean, it seemed like he was?  Like, pretty much the second I walked in.  I'm pretty sure he said he wanted to see if my mouth was as good as it looked-- in a completely round-a-bout way, not nearly as forward as that."

The explanation put him at ease somewhat.  "Oh, no that's just Cas.  You get used to it after a while." Gabriel said, waving a dismissive hand.  "He's just really…  Uh-- Friendly?"

"I can deal with friendly," Dean grinned, wry and understanding.  "And I can deal with him hitting on me, if that's what he decides to do.  I'm actually kind of used to it-- I just wasn't expecting him to be so forward.  And touchy."

Gabriel chuckled.  "Just never offer to cuddle with him.  He's a freakin' octopus sometimes, you'll be stuck on the couch while he naps for hours."

"Good to know.  I'll keep that in mind if the urge to cuddle ever strikes-- ask you, not Cas, unless I feel like being held hostage."  Dean replied, moving along, headed for the dairy section.

"Don't tell him I said that, he'll lynch my laundry again."  Gabriel said, light warning in his tone.

"You telling me he'd be jealous of you weaseling your way into being my choice cuddle buddy."  Dean glanced his way, and his tone was nothing but teasing and playful, no seriousness in it at all.

"More because of 'lies and slander' as he'd put it."  Gabriel replied, making half hearted air quotes.

"So he's always been a terror?"

Gabriel nodded emphatically.  "You know that one kid in class who used to poke spiders, and shout at bullies twice his size just to see what would happen?  Cas was him."

"That's kind of awesome," Dean admitted, opening up a carton of eggs and inspecting them-- organic, cage-free and brown as can be.  "What kid were you?"

Gabriel hesitated for a second, trying to find an appropriate descriptor.  "The one that cleaned up after his stupid fucking friend."  He chuckled, "I swear.  I spent my entire childhood running away from angry people Cas had fucked with."

"That sounds... eventful.  Do you regret it?"

Gabriel shook his head.  "It was fun in hindsight.  Though at the time I was probably terrified."

"You sound like you were a pretty fierce kid."  Dean said, smiling over at him.  "You know, I've asked more things about you than you've asked about me."

"Getting to know someone goes both ways...  I just like talking."  Gabriel said, returning his smile, crooked, but warm.  "What about you, how did you grow up?"

"I moved around a lot."  He shrugged.  "It was just me and my brother and a lot of uh... foster homes.  We got lucky-- really lucky, being able to stay together.  I spent most of my life looking after him.  I'm still looking after him.  I did a lot of my growing up on the road."

Gabriel nodded, not quite sure if he was allowed to pry into the fate of Dean's parents just yet, deciding to play it safe and ignore his curiosity.  "All that moving and your brother still made Stanford?"

"He's a smart kid," Dean said, smiling.  "Really smart.  Way smarter than me."

"I dunno, you don't seem stupid."

Glancing Gabriel's way, he winked, but there was a dark something in his gaze.  "You just haven't known me long enough."

"Then I guess I'll hold judgement."  He replied, not quite liking the look in his eyes.

"That's probably for the best," he said sagely, grabbing a couple gallons of milk.  "But I do know one thing, and that's Oreos at three in the morning are a requirement.  Will you go grab a package?"

Gabriel grinned at him.  "I knew there was something I liked about you." 

* * *

 

The ride back to the apartment and the consequent elevator ride laden with shopping had gone off without a hitch, exchanging idle small talk as Gabriel unlocked the door.  Everything seemed in order as they walked in, and Cas' shoes were shoved in the corner, so at least he was home.  "Hey, Cas we-- Fucking hell, Cas, _really_?!" 

The scruffy head of their roommate rose from between the legs of one very naked, very attractive woman, dark hair laid out over the couch arm, a leg hooked over the side.  Cas offered him a raised eyebrow and a smug looking smile, tracing over his lover’s hip.

"Really."  He said flatly, "Pamela, this is Gabriel, vice versa."  He said, gesturing between the woman on the couch with him and his friend.

Pamela craned her neck back to grin at him, hazy and pleasured.  "Nice to meet you, sweetcheeks."

Dean came to a slow stop as he walked in, faltering right behind Gabriel, and certainly getting an eye full.  He balked for a moment, but he didn't look embarrassed or upset.  Perhaps just vaguely confused with a hint of haughtiness.  Blinking a few times, he let his eyes meet Pamela's and offered up a small, polite smile.

"Are you planning on staying for dinner?  We're going to have plenty of food."

Pamela smiled gratefully at him, though it was ruined by the little shiver that went through her when Cas decided talking was boring and went back to kissing across her stomach and inner thighs.  "I'd like that."

"Glad to hear it," he replied, nudging into Gabriel's side and gesturing to the kitchen with a small jerk of his head.  "Wanna help me put groceries away?"

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at Cas, though his friend couldn’t see it.  They finally get a roommate worth keeping, and then he goes and does this.  Nodding stiffly, Gabriel followed Dean into the kitchen.  "Sorry about that.  He normally has the decency to use his room."

"I've seen worse, trust me."  Dean mumbled, opening the fridge to place the milk into it.  "Actually, I'm pretty sure I've been involved in... worse."

Gabriel snorted a soft laugh, relieved that Dean didn't think it improper.  "Pretty face like yours, I'll bet you've been in kinkier situations than that."  He quipped.  "Seriously though, it doesn't bother you?  Because that's how we lost the last two roommates."

"No, man, it's fine."  Dean shrugged, giving a little laugh, taking the items passed to him and he decidedly let the 'kinky' comment drop.  "As long as he cleans up after himself and doesn't have sex in my bedroom."

"He cleans up."  Gabriel assured, "And generally, he keeps it in his own bedroom."

"Then we're all good," he smiled over at Gabriel, placing the eggs in their spot on a shelf in the door.  "You want to help me cook, or are you gonna try and make an awkward escape past the lovely couple out there?"

"I'll help."  He replied, not wanting another eyeful.

"Awesome," Dean beamed at him.  "Take the biggest pot you can find, fill it three quarters of the way up with water, and set it on the burner on high.  Then take the sausage and put it in a skillet on medium-- we have to brown it before adding anything else.  I'll finish putting all of the food away."

It took Gabriel a moment to recall where it was that they kept the pots and pans, only having used them that one time he and Castiel had an all out furniture war.  "Yes, boss."  He drawled, having to reach up the fetch the skillet as he puttered around to do as Dean asked.

They moved around each other easily, living in one another's space as Dean put things away and Gabriel worked on the food.  When everything was in its place, Dean peered over Gabriel's shoulder at the darkening meat and let out a little hum. 

"Looking good," he muttered and then moved away to pull out a cutting board.  "Put it on low.  When the water starts to boil put the pasta in and put that on low too, okay?"

Gabriel nodded, finding the entire situation far too comfortable, like something was missing, but Gabriel wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.  Until the other shoe dropped, he'd take the peaceful and oddly domestic pace at which they worked for granted.  The bubble of boiling water brought him out of his thoughts, depositing the contents of a pasta packet into the water, jerking his hand away when it splashed.

Dean glanced his way from where he was slicing up some fresh mushrooms-- garlic and herbs already finished and off to the side-- and he gave him a concerned look.  "Did you burn yourself?"

Gabriel shook his head, though his hand stung a little, a playful grin on his face as he nudged at Dean's shoulder with his own.  "I'm fine, mom."

"Oh, my god, shut up."  Dean laughed, shaking his head and rolling his eyes before he looked back to the cutting board.  "Be careful, though, unless you want me to kiss it better."

Chuckling, Gabriel gave a waggle of his eyebrows.  "Might just have to hurt myself more often then."

"All you need to do is ask."  Dean teased right back.

"I'll keep that in mind." he returned, bantering with him.

Dean huffed out an amused breath and nudged him out of the way, dumping everything he'd cut up into the saucepan with the meat.  "You do that.  While you're at it, open up those cans of tomatoes for me."

"Yes, sir."  He quipped, seeking out a can opener, only fumbling with in for a few minutes before he figured out how the damned thing worked, cracking into the cans.

"Pour them into the pan."  Dean muttered once he'd finally pried the cans open, and he moved over to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of white wine and some half n' half.

Gabriel did as asked, eyeing off the wine bottle a little suspiciously.  "The hell you need that for?"

Smiling to himself, he dug around in a couple of drawers until he found the corkscrew, and he glanced his way as he opened the bottle.  "You'll see."

Moving over to the saucepan, Dean stirred around what was already there, and then added a splash of half n' half until the red of it turned cloudy, smell wafting off the surface.  Putting the bottle to his lips, Dean took a small pull, and then added what looked like half of a glass to the mixture.  He hummed as the flavor lingered on his tongue, and he knew that it would turn out just fine.

"We reduce it," he muttered, noting Gabriel's aghast look.  "Trust me, it'll taste good."

Gabriel nodded a little dubiously, watching as he cooked, though he was more interested in the bob of his throat as he drank.  The smell of cooking food drew one thoroughly disheveled and very satisfied Castiel from the lounge room, clad only in a set of ancient looking boxers.  "You cook?"

"No, I just stand around the kitchen and look pretty,"  Dean muttered not looking away from where he was idly stirring up the pasta sauce.  Pausing there for a moment, he glanced over at Castiel, noting the love-bites over his skin with a raised brow before he looked back over to Gabriel and gestured to the wine bottle.  "You have wine glasses?  It's tradition to drink with the cook and make ridiculous toasts if you're helping."

The chuckle Cas let out was low and rich and a little husky, pointedly ignoring the glare Gabriel was leveling at him as he reached up to retrieve three glasses.  The long red lines scratched into his back were set on display, and despite his annoyance, Gabriel couldn't help but whistle, impressed.

Dean leveled Castiel with a dry look, obviously teasing, setting the spoon aside to pluck up two of the glasses from him.  "I was talking about Gabriel and me.  You haven't done anything to help, what makes you think you get wine?"

"Because I want some."  Castiel retorted, the playful edge to his voice keeping it from being a blatant challenge.  Gabriel just rolled his eyes, sharing a look that clearly said 'I told you so.'

Dean hummed, looking contemplative, and he shook his head, only pouring two glasses.  "Afraid not."

"Fine."  Cas said, giving a lazy shrug of his shoulders as he reached up into the cabinet above the fridge producing a bottle of cheap scotch, uncapping it and taking a long pull.  "Have you're rotten grape juice."

"Oh, we will."  Dean grinned, handing Gabriel a glass.  "Don't forget about your friend in the other room."

Gabriel took the offered glass with a wicked looking grin shot Cas' way, smug and victorious, proud that he'd made better headway with Dean, only earning a half hearted glare from his friend. 

Castiel left the scotch open on the bench as he leant against it.  "I didn't.  She's just not the cuddling type."

"No?"  Dean took a drink, and he savored the flavor again-- it wasn't often he got to drink wine this good for the hell of it, and he stirred the sauce around again as it bubbled softly.  "She seemed very affectionate.  Must suck for you, I hear you _are_ a cuddler."

Cas' brow furrowed for a second, trying to fathom just where Dean had gotten that information, confusion fading when he saw the wince Gabriel gave, giving him a flat look.

"What?  It it just came up in conversation."  Gabriel muttered, giving a slight shrug.

"Whatever.  I got kicked off my own couch because she needed a breather."

Dean almost choked on his wine, smiling lopsidedly, shaking his head as he glanced Castiel's way.  "I would have assumed it would be the other way around considering what direction you were headed when we walked in."

Cas chuckled softly, enjoying the lopsided smile on Dean's face a little more than he should have, the way it lit up his eyes.  "I recover quickly."

"Good to know," he muttered, and then chanced a look Gabriel's way.  "So I was told you two have known each other since you were really little.  How's that working out?"

"We haven't killed each other."  Cas said, tone calm though he nudged at Gabriel's ribs.

"Yet."  Gabriel clarified.  "Though you tried, remember."

"It was my first driving lesson, how was I supposed to know what pedal did what!"

"Still nearly ran me over."

"So, well."  Dean surmised with a little smile, turning the sauce down on simmer and leaning back against the counter  next to the stove.  They let out a collective hum of agreement, sharing grins when they realised they'd managed synchronization again.  Dean gave them a dry look, pointing with his wine hand.  "You guys need to cut that out.  It's creepy."

Cas gave a soft shrug, laughter fading to quiet comfort, watching the stupid looking grin on Gabriel's face with the soft kind of warmth he didn't display often.

Dean glanced between them, seeing something there, something affectionate that he didn't think he'd seen since his parents were around, and it made him ache.  Clearing his throat softly, trying to get rid of the sudden tightening, he turned back to the meal cooking and stirred the pasta around for a moment. 

"So what do you guys do?"

"He works at a pastry shop because he can't be fucked to pay full price to feed his sugar addiction."  Cas said flatly, earning a playful shove from Gabriel, rolling with it so he didn't fall over.

"And he's a lazy shit who bums around with musty old books all day."

"They are antiques, thank you very much."

"And somehow you afford to live here?"  Dean peered over at them, brows furrowed.

Gabriel gave a soft shrug, "Money's no object for me, and Cas just mooches."

"You offered!"  Castiel insisted, looking remotely angry for the first time since Dean had arrived, eyes lighting up with something sinister he usually kept locked away.

"I'm just messing with you."  Gabriel clarified, nudging gently at his arm.

Dean turned back around, inquisitive as ever.  "No object?  That sounds... strangely foreboding."

Cas had since settled again, pressed a little closer to Gabriel as the other man spoke.  "My family runs a bank, plenty of benefits."

Dean just let out a little hum, sensing a sort of finality with his words-- he didn't want to press further and possibly ruin the easy way they seemed to be getting to know one another.  Turning back to the food cooking, Dean checked the sauce, and surmised that it should cook for at least a little while longer.

After a moment, Pamela wandered in, albeit a little haphazardly, dressed precariously.  "So, what's for dinner?"  She asked, taking it upon herself to invade the otherwise peaceful setting of the kitchen.  She paused for a moment and took in the occupants, not being in the headspace to get a good look at them before.  "Hello, indeed."  She purred, giving Dean a wink.

Dean glanced over at her and feigned interest almost instantly, an instinctive and very gut reaction from working in bars his whole adult life, giving her a charming grin that didn't quite reach his eyes as he scooped up a spoonful of sauce and held it out carefully, hand cupped a few inches beneath it to keep it from spilling.  "Fettuccine.  Want to be my taste tester?"

A laugh left her, leaning in to take the offered spoonful, humming softly in approval.  "He's a keeper."  She chuckled, looking back at Cas and giving him a knowing smile.

"Well, that was the idea," Dean chuckled, turning back to the food and he tested the sauce himself, along with a nearly done noodle that was perfect for fettuccine.  "Gabriel, could you cut up the french bread for me?  And find me a colander to strain the pasta?”

Gabriel unhooked the colander from the inside door of a cabinet, handing it over.  As he was cutting the bread, crumbs flying everywhere, he rolled his eyes as Cas petted at Pamela's hip, reeling her in even as she took in the two of them.  Grabbing the hand clothes from off of the oven handle, Dean set the colander up in the sink and then grabbed the pot and moved across the kitchen, dumping the contents into it.  Steam rose, and Dean moved aside and let it sit as he went back to stirring the sauce, carefully avoiding the couple still standing just off to the side.  Leaning over into Gabriel's space, he lowered his voice just enough to still be heard. 

"You're definitely becoming my favorite."

From his place rubbing his nose into Pamela's neck, Castiel looked up at him, pouting softly as he let out a whine of complaint.  Gabriel gave Cas a smug look, not unlike the cat who'd got the cream.

"I try.”

Dean beamed over at Gabriel, reached over the skillet to turn off the burners.  "Do you happen to have serving dishes, or am I just piling everything onto individual plates?"

Gabriel paused for a second, shooing Castiel and his lady friend out of the way as he searched for some kind of serving plate, shaking his head when he found nothing.  "Guess we're piling."

"Got it," Dean hummed and then he was brushing up beside him, reaching above their heads to pull down four plates. 

Moving away, Dean served up a good helping of pasta onto each one, and then slowly started dividing out the sauce as well.  When it was done, he reached into the fridge and pulled out some fresh, shredded Parmesan, sprinkling it over each dish until he was satisfied with how they looked.  Letting out a pleased sound, he turned back to them, holding his hands out.

"Dinner's ready."

Pamela had already extricated herself from Castiel's slightly clingy affections, making her way out to the virtually unused table, leaving the other to juggle the plates.  Cas took two out, the smell painting a smile on his face.

Dean grabbed his and Gabriel's plates, balancing them on one deft arm as he gathered the bread into a bowl with his free hand.  "Wanna grab the silverware?  I can come back for the wine and our glasses-- get another two for Cas and his guest.”

Cas watched idly as Dean set two plates down quickly surmising that he must have worked at some kind of diner, bright eyes following him intently as Gabriel fetched the silverware and wine glasses.  When Dean came back, he hesitated for a moment and then took the only chair left, right between Gabriel and Castiel.  Setting the wine bottle down, he handed Gabriel his glass with a smile, and then glanced around expectantly.

"Don't just stare at it," he muttered with a laugh, grabbing the fork at his setting.  "It's good.  Eat."

They didn't need to be told twice, lunging into the meal Dean had provided, probably the least deep fried they'd had in months.  Pamela stared for a second, eyebrows raised before she too started spooling up pasta onto a fork.

Chuckling, Dean reached over and plucked up a piece of bread, dipping it into the sauce and taking a bite.  He let out a satisfied sound; it had been a while since he'd been able to cook for himself or anyone else.  It was a good feeling.  Familiar.  Like home if he'd ever had one.  Glancing around at pleased faces, Dean found himself feeling more at home in his new apartment then he had in years.  And he wasn't planning on giving that up anytime soon. 


	2. I Hope You Understand (I Was Born a Ramblin’ Man)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of underage sex, explicit scene of rape and sexual abuse (including: barebacking, bondage, whipping, humiliation, and forced orgasm),

 

It took far less time than Castiel had anticipated for Dean to settle in; in a matter of days, it was as though they’d known each other for years.  It was the week that followed these few days that intrigued Cas the most though.  Their new roommate was far more interesting than he gave himself credit for, and between he and Gabriel's gentle -- or not so gentle-- prodding, they began to unravel the mystery that was Dean Winchester. 

Dean Winchester who enjoyed sleeping in until noon due to his late nights on the job.  Who packed away Twizzlers and gummy bears faster than Gabriel.  Who took showers so hot, when he walked out his skin was always flush.  Who had a little brother who he loved more than anything in the world and did everything he could to take care of him.  Who could keep up with the both of them in conversation and was open to their questions-- despite the fact that he avoided a few with a deftness that was shocking-- and had a boundless curiosity about the both of them too.  Who could cook meals fit for kings. 

Food aside, he proved to be good company, although Gabriel had a habit of stealing him away for long periods of time that Cas could have spent in light conversation, seeking to watch the way Dean's eyes lit up every time he laughed.

Nearly two weeks had passed when Gabriel announced an emergency trip to deal with 'family issues' --Cas didn't bother asking what they were, knowing he wouldn't get a useful answer -- and despite the unusually sombre expression on Gabriel’s face as he left,  Cas couldn’t get him out the door fast enough, knowing he’d finally have an opportunity to get to know their new live in.  Dean didn’t have work all day, could be all his for the entire night if Gabriel was gone long enough.

The door to Dean’s room was closed when Cas decided it was high time he quit reading and went to keep him company, opening it and ambling into his room with no warning whatsoever.

He nearly came to a halt when he spotted Dean, sitting on the windowsill with a notebook in his lap, sketching idly.  It wasn't so much the fact that Dean was sketching-- though his fingers looked wonderfully smudged and deft, a piece of charcoal pinched between them, and Cas _knew_ that he would be good with his hands-- but the way he looked sitting there.  A pair of drawstring pajama pants low on his hips, one leg propped up on the sill so that he could set his notepad on his thigh, the other hanging casually so that the ball of his foot pressed to the hard wood of the floor.  No shirt, muscle and skin on display, littered with freckles and with scars that left Cas wanting to do nothing more but map each and every single one out. 

And best of all, a pair of thick-rimmed glasses perched precariously on his nose. 

"Cas!"  Dean startled, snapping the book shut as he stood abruptly, face turning that lovely shade of red it seemed to take on whenever their roommate was flustered-- Cas couldn't help but wonder if he looked that way when he was aroused as well.  "Hey-- Hi, um, what?  What's up?  Ever heard of knocking?"

"Hello, Dean."  Cas said, a soft smile on his face as he padded into his room, peering at the notebook he had curiously.  "You draw?"

Dean glanced down to his sketch pad and then back up.  "Yeah.  It's... It's just a hobby."

Settling down cross legged on Dean's bed, Cas regarded him, even and analyzing.  "I take it that means I can't look."

"No," he hesitated for a long moment and then shuffled over, sitting down next to him, neatly made bed rumpling under them as he offered it up with a touch of recalcitrance.  "You can.  If you want, you can."

Castiel took the book carefully, taking a moment to take in the charcoal smudges on the tips of Dean's fingers, a warm smile flitting over his lips.  "Thank you."  He said, opening the art book and flicking through smile only growing.

Dean shifted uneasily next to him as Castiel flipped through his drawings, nervous beyond normalcy.  He didn't let people see his work often, and was fearful of the ridicule that might come from a few of the more inappropriate ones.

"You're very good."  Cas said after a moment, handling each page with utmost care so as not to disturb the charcoal, smudges matching Dean's fingers along the edges of each page of flowing line and hazed shading.  He paused, a grin quirking his lips for a second as he ran the very tips of his fingers along the fluid lines of a sketched body.  "He must have been an interesting figure to draw."

"Uh, yeah, he was."  Dean leaned over, eyes skimming over muscle and the lines of a broad back on the page.

Victor Henriksen had been a lover of his before they'd made it to California.  Not only had he been his first everything, but he'd also been fully willing to pose for him, always encouraging him to pursue his art.  Always trying to get him to pursue more out of life.  Which, in retrospect, made perfect sense considering Dean had been sixteen at the time and Victor had been the social worker in charge of his case.

Cas gave a soft hum of recognition, head tilted ever so slightly as he peered over Dean's sketches. "Have you taken classes?"

"Nope," he shook his head, staring at an old drawing of Sam dozing in a bus seat, and he smiled softly.  "Never got the chance to."

He looked up at Dean briefly, a warm little smile on his face.  "You should."  He said, only to realise how terrible that sounded, pinching the bridge of his nose.  "Not that you need it."

"Thanks," he chuckled, amused by his embarrassment.  "I think."

Cas ruffled a hand through his hair, going back to the sketch book.  "So, you cook, you draw.  Anything else I should know about?"

"Anything else you _want_ to know about?"  Dean replied, almost evasive, but certainly open to questions.

Cas propped his chin on a spread hand, elbow nestled into the fold of his knee, peering at him curiously.

"What do you like?"  he asked, leaving his question open to any interpretation Dean wanted.

"Uh," Dean huffed out a breathy little laugh, tucking his own legs up underneath him as he turned to face him better, elbows resting on his thighs.  "I like a lot of things.  I like cooking, I like sketching.  I like reading when I get the chance.  I like bad horror movies.  I like running on the beach when the weather's nice.  I like it when it rains.  I mean, that's kind of a broad question."

"I like broad questions, more information."  Cas said, "What kind of books do you like?"

Chuckling, Dean gave him an inquisitive look.  "Different kinds.  Science fiction, horror, thrillers, biographies.  Whatever I can get my hands on.  What kind of books do _you_ like?"

Cas gave a little shrug, an easy roll of his shoulders. "The older the better, but sometimes I buy them just for the titles, my favorite so far is _Do-It-Yourself Coffins: For Pets and People_."

"You're kidding," Dean sputtered out a laugh when he realized that he wasn't.  "Do you _read_ them or just collect them?"

"I read them, mostly just for laughs.  I have a bookcase full of weird titles."

"Yeah, but you've got Vonnegut and Adams, which makes up for all the crazy."  Dean said sagely, smiling all the while.  "I've perused some of your titles."

"I wondered why they were out of place."

"Out of place?"  Dean balked.  "I put them in alphabetical order."

"Exactly.  Out of place.  I had them in most to least read."  Cas said flatly.

"Well, what if my most read to least read is different from yours?"  Dean countered, chin tilting in a vague form of defiance.

"They're my books."  Cas retorted, oddly intense gaze pinning him.

"Not all of them," Dean said, something sparking in his eyes.  "I've added mine to the mix, Gabriel has his in there.  They're not all yours.  Therefore you can't put them in the order you like simply based on a fact that isn't true."

Cas let out a little huff of frustration, "I can do whatever I want, thank you very much."

Dean smiled, broad and genuine.  "You're kind of a spoiled brat, you know that?  You and Gabriel both, I swear."

A frown creased his forehead, eyes narrowing for a second.  "How so?"

"I can do whatever I want,” he mocked him playfully.  “You're both constantly bickering over something.  It's like you don't know how to share."  Dean said, shrugging a single shoulder.

Cas considered his reasoning for a moment, shrugging a single shoulder.  "We can share if we need to."

Dean let out a little hum, tilting his head.  "I'd like to see that."

"We haven't blown up the apartment yet."  Cas said.  "And we haven't killed each other, or torn a person in two.  We can share."

"Alright, alright," Dean laughed, holding up a hand in surrender.  "I get it.  You can share."

Nodding in satisfaction, Castiel smiled as he watched Dean laugh, almost wishing he could take a photo.

"So," Dean said, glancing down at the charcoal on his fingers, scrubbing at them lightly before he looked back up.  "Did you want something specific or are you just in here to be in here?"

Handing his sketch book back, Cas gave a hum of neutrality, "I'm just here because I can be."

Dean's eyes narrowed, and he took the notepad back slowly.  "And if I told you that you couldn't be?"

"Then I suppose I'll have to find something else to do."

It seemed like the acceptable answer because Dean nodded, looking assuaged.  "You can be.  Knock next time, though.  You don't know what I might be up to."

He chuckled softly, offering a crooked little smile. "I'm sure I'd cope with whatever horrors you perform while alone."

"Nah," Dean shook his head, returning the look on his face.  "I don't think you could handle it."

"I think I've seen worse."

"But have you seen better?"

He tilted his head, peering at Dean for a moment. "I don't think so."

Dean blushed.  "And if you knock, I promise you never will."

"But what if I'd like to?"

Dean glanced down, clearing his throat.  "I suppose that's your prerogative then."

Cas offered a warm smile, chuckling quietly. "The I guess I'll have to forgo knocking."

Dean looked up sharply, meeting his gaze, and there was something questioning there-- but then Dean was pushing off of the bed and onto his feet, headed for the door.  "I'm hungry, are you hungry?"

Cas rose to follow him, sinuous and feline. "A little. " He admitted.

"Want me to make lunch?"  He asked over his shoulder and faltered a moment when he realized that he was both still wearing his glasses and still shirtless. 

Dean's back was almost more attractive than the rest of him, freckles dusting his shoulders, and Cas could help but let the tips of his fingers brush down his spine, feather light, and hardly there.  His brows furrowed at the sight of barely healed over scars that littered his skin, marring perfection.  "If you'd like."

The way Dean's breath caught was just as lovely, and wide green eyes caught Castiel's.  Dean swallowed thickly, unable to deny the rush of heat that spread through him, the way his back curved slightly with the touch.  He had to bite back a shiver, and he was surprised how rough his voice was when he spoke.

"What uh... What do you want?"

Castiel's expression remained relatively unchanged, staring at him unabashedly, wishing he could map out the planes of his body with his lips. "Depends what's on the menu." He mumbled, not even looking up.

"What would you like to be on the menu?"  he asked, voice soft, and he hated himself for the little thrill that went through him at the dark gleam in Castiel's eyes.

Shuffling ever closer, Cas let his fingertips trail over the ridge of Dean's cheek bone, "Could I have you?" He asked, blunt as ever.

"I--"  His words broke, and he had to swallow around the sudden dryness of his mouth, tongue darting out to wet his lips.  "I really can't tell if you're serious right now."

"I never joke about these kinds of things." Castiel said pointedly, making no indication of moving away just yet, carefully tracing over Dean's bottom lip.

His lips parted under the soft touch, breath coming short and sharp, like he didn't remember how.  "Are we talking just a sample or a full course meal?"

"That depends on you." Cas mumbled, cupping his jaw carefully, gently even as he leant in, kissing him slow and easy.

Dean made a little sound at the back of his throat, almost a whine, and his hands came up to curl into the material of Cas' shirt as their lips slanted together.  The little sound Dean made was everything Cas expected and more, tongue flicking out over the seam of his lips.  Dean’s mouth opened invitingly, fingers tightening in the soft cotton as he pressed closer.  Dean hadn't gone so long without being touched so gently, and he felt ridiculously desperate for the contact. 

Castiel took the fingers tangled in his shirt to be encouragement, tracing down the expanse of his chest slowly, as though trying to memorise him.  Shuddering, Dean let out another sound, skin shivering under Castiel's touch as their tongues met in a slow dance.  He let Dean lead, not wanting to push him and ruin the tentative friendship they'd built, petting at his hip, enjoying the run of skin under his hands.

When he needed it, Dean pulled away to suck in a short breath, and then leaned in a nipped at Cas' lower lip sharply.  His hands shook slightly as he kissed Cas again, framing his jaw as their lips worked against one another's.

A little groan left Castiel, stroking slowly down Dean's spine, enjoying the slow rhythm of their lips.

It was the small sound that seemed to snap him out of it, and Dean pulled back abruptly, hands still cupping his face as he stared at him with wide hazy eyes.  "We-- We um... We shouldn't be... We probably shouldn't be doing this."

Cas couldn't deny his disappointment, because frankly, Dean was fun to kiss, all warm and soft in the best of ways, but he nodded, taking a step away from him. "That's okay."

Dean took a steadying breath and glanced over at his bedroom door.  "Um... I'm just- I'm just gonna put a shirt on.  And then we can have lunch."

Cas nodded, licking over his lips absently, as though he could still feel Dean's against them, pleasantly buzzed.

* * *

 

Family meetings never did go down well, and Gabriel always managed to get lost between his brothers' constant, petty arguing, any real purpose to their conversations vanishing as he was forced to sit between two grown ass men who still found the time to bicker over who Dad loved more. By the time he managed to escape their clutches, Gabriel was fuming, slamming the door behind him as he marched into their apartment.

Castiel looked up from the movie he was watching with Dean the second he heard the door, head snapping towards him, a frown marring his face as he took in the tension across Gabriel's shoulders, giving a slight tilt of his head in indication for him to come closer. "Not good?"

"Is it ever." Gabriel retorted, laying out over the couch, regardless of the people occupying it, head comfortably pillowed against one of Dean's thighs.

Dean blinked down at him owlishly, a concerned furrow forming between his brows even as he tensed slightly.  "Wanna talk about it?"

Gabriel shook his head, almost child like as he curled up to them, kicking his shoes off, just wanting a little comfort. Cas nodded, used to such times, stroking idly over his friends calf.

Dean's hands seemed to hover uncertainly, not quite sure where to put them.  Clearing his throat, Dean shifted slightly, and then finally resting one at Gabriel's shoulder and the  other on the top of his head, fingers slipping through his hair slightly. 

"Wanna watch this French film with us until the pie is ready?"

Gabriel let out a sound of content, oddly vulnerable as he lay there, sprawled out over them, tension fading as he felt Cas slip a hand over the small of his back, rubbing softly, fingers digging into all the right places.  "Yeah, okay."

Dean glanced Castiel's way, inquisitive even as he let his own hand slip over and settle between Gabriel's shoulder blades.  Cas nodded in approval, massaging carefully over Gabriel's back, setting him at ease before he got too angry and started hitting people. It was different, having four hands on him instead of two, but Gabriel couldn't find himself complaining, shoulders arching into their hands.  As Dean watched the film, avidly reading the subtitles, he let his nails dragged slowly over Gabriel's scalp while the other hand rubbed soft circles over his shoulders, soothing more than anything else. 

Cas took a little more interest in the way they all fit together, the warm weight of Gabriel's lax body laid out over him, comfortable with the both of them as the movie played out.

It was nearly over when Dean heard the oven chime from the kitchen, and he pat at Gabriel's shoulder expectantly.  "I gotta go get that."

With a grumble of half hearted protest, Gabriel got off Dean's lap, shifting to curl next to Castiel instead, the both of them watching with equal interest as Dean left.

"You like apple pie, right?"  Dean called from the kitchen, opening up the oven and pulling out the dish with care. 

The sleepy sounding grunt from Gabriel was taken as an emphatic yes, and Cas just chuckled softly, running his fingers idly through Gabriel's hair.

Dean was only gone for a few more minutes, and then he was moving back into the room with platters of pie balanced on his arm as he made his way back over.  Setting them down on the coffee table, Dean gave Gabriel an endearing look as he crouched down next to them. 

"I'm gonna grab some milk for us," he muttered, and there was a hesitant hand before he threaded cautious fingers through Gabriel's hair, offering a silent kind of comfort.  "Sit up for me?  I don't want you to choke on the first pie I ever bake for you guys."

Gabriel gave a grumble of complaint though he was quickly mollified when he caught sight of the pie, sitting up, a small smile flicking his lips up for the briefest of moments. Cas looked over at Dean, nodding in silent thanks, more on Gabriel's behalf than on his.

Dean returned Castiel's look, standing slowly.  "Dig in.  I'll be right back."

Comfortably nestled against Gabriel, Castiel reached over and picked up a plate for him, hardly hiding a chuckle when the plate was snatched up. "Don't choke, remember." Cas grinned, plate in his lap and he stabbed at the pie.

"It's hot!"  Dean warned, voice carrying through the apartment. 

His warning came a little too late, and Cas cursed when he tried to take a bite, nearly burning his lips, rolling his eyes when Gabriel laughed at him.

Dean came back out, the look on his face telling the both of them that he knew exactly what had happened, and Dean rolled his eyes as he set two of the glasses down but kept one for himself as he paused before them.  Gabriel, at least, appeared a little less downtrodden.  Turning his gaze on Castiel, he tilted his head in a mix between amusement and concern.

"Do you need an ice cube for it?"

Castiel shook his head, but a warm little smirk curled his lips. "No. But you could always kiss it better." He said casually. Gabriel raised an eyebrow in curiosity when Dean’s flushed.

"Did I miss something?" Gabriel asked, voice hushed.

"Kinda, yeah." Castiel replied, intentionally vaguely, only getting a pointed jab in the ribs, a wicked little smile on Cas' lips. "He's a very good kisser."

"I knew I shouldn't have left you two alone."

Dean turned a bright red color, dragging a hand through his hair and clearing his throat.  "Uh-- That was-- It was a fluke.  It's just-- It's been a while since anyone has-- and, I mean, you're both incredibly attractive so you can't really blame me--"  His mouth snapped shut with an audible click, hating the way his stomach rolled, guilty and nervous and strangely aroused under both of their heated gazes.  "I'm gonna go to bed early, really not in the mood for pie."

A frown settled on Cas' face, staring up at him, equally disappointed as he was guilty of driving him away. "But you did all that work. At least try some."

"You peeled the apples," Dean muttered, almost clutching the glass of milk like a security blanket. 

They had spent the day in quiet companionship after the kiss, talking a bit here and there, but mostly just enjoying being around one another.  Dean had thought there might be some kind of burdening tension, but while there were some lingering touches-- mostly Cas'-- there was nothing uncomfortable about it.  It had been nice. 

Now he was embarrassed, though.  For letting himself give into a weakness that had gotten into trouble plenty of times before, a need for affection.  Letting out a long breath, he glanced at the spot he'd previously vacated-- Gabriel sitting their, perfectly content, looking expectant even as he hummed around a bite of pie-- and to the only empty seat between them with a touch of recalcitrance.  Letting out a little sigh, he took his place back on the couch, pulling his own plate to him and picking at it idly. 

Cas offered a warm smile, stroking tentatively down Dean's arm."Thank you." He said, watching as Gabriel shifted a little closer to Dean, as though trying to put him at ease.

Dean shivered, fingertips dragging over his skin, and he offered up a small smile to him before turning his eyes back to the TV screen-- though his attention was completely on the heat that was radiating off of the two of them.  It was different.  Bracketed by warmth, and he found himself being lulled back into relaxation.

It only took Gabriel a few minutes to find a comfortable position nestled into Dean's side and Cas occupied himself with idly tracing out the veins in Dean's forearm, far more physical in his affections, petting slowly at Dean's thigh with his other hand.

Dean really didn't know what to do.  Didn't know how to tell Cas to stop, especially not when he didn't want him to, and he didn't know how to tell Gabriel to give him some room, particularly not when he kind of like the feeling of him pressed along his side.  It was a strange and almost terrifying sensation, feeling so comfortable, so safe.  He hadn't felt this way in a very long time.

When his slice of pie was finished off, milk glass half empty, Dean hovered and hesitated for a long while; the new movie played out over the screen and, honestly, Dean didn't have a clue what was going on anymore before he finally cleared his throat to catch their attention.

"I should do the dishes," he muttered, the tongs of his fork dragging over the surface of his plate.

Gabriel moved away with a little grumble of complaint, cold air pricking his side as he sat up, rolling his neck to rid it of the little ache that came with so long in one place. Pulling his hands away, Castiel looked over at his friend, a little smile on his face, silent victory shared between them.  It wasn't much, but it was a start, and at least Dean was comfortable with them now.

Dean stood, gathering their dishes before he made his way into the kitchen, a soft thank you falling over his lips as he left the room.  His hands were shaking slightly when he dumped their plates into the sink, and Dean frowned down at them, confused.  When he managed to focus on something aside from Gabriel and Castiel's heat and touch, he realized his heart was racing nervously in his chest.

Castiel let out a soft sound of content, laying back against the couch, lazy and feline as he stretched, spine arching. Leaving a companionable pat of Cas' leg, Gabriel got to his feet after a few minutes and ambled into the kitchen, pausing at the doorway, a soft little smile on his face though he hid it away quickly.

Moving to stand next to him, he offered a crooked little grin, catching Dean's attention enough for him to turn his head, leaning up to press a quick kiss to his lips, just barely a brush, almost gentle. "Figured I may as well even the scoreboard."

Dean's breath caught, and he felt that familiar flush of heat that washed through him from head to toe, eyes wide as he stared down at him.  "You guys are ridiculous."

"Are we?" Gabriel asked, head tilted ever so slightly.  "By whose standard?"

"Mine," Dean retorted, and he couldn't help the smile the flitted over his face-- anytime they looked at him like that, canting their heads like confused puppies, Dean found himself grinning at how incredibly endearing the both of them were.  "Next thing you know, you guys are gonna start trying to one up each other with this whole Kiss the Roommate game you've got going."

Gabriel gave a slight shrug. "Wouldn't be surprised, we can be a little competitive. And Kiss the Roommate is our favorite game."

Dean snorted, turning his attention to the dishes, feeling oddly assuaged at his words, knowing that he wasn't something special settling in him with something a lot like familiarity.  "Do you keep tally for quantity or quality?  Because if it's the latter, Cas is still ahead of you."

"Quantity. Cas would be years ahead of me. I'll never understand how he manages to reel people in. Guess he must be doing something right."

"You're not so bad," Dean replied, a sly little smile on his face as he ran a sponge over their plate.  "Just as tempting as he is.  You just didn't linger long enough."

"Cas just likes taking his sweet time with things." Gabriel said evenly, "I'm not so into the whole foreplay thing."

Dean met his gaze, brow quirked up curiously, and despite the way fire seemed to crackle under his skin when they talked about things like this, Dean pressed.  "Get in, get off, get out kind of guy?"

He nodded, meeting his gaze for a second. "It's just sex, not like I'm trying to court them or anything."

"And if you were trying to court someone?"

Gabriel considered it for a moment, fingers tapping rhythmically against the bench. "I don't really know. Never tried."

Dean gave a little shrug, rinsing off the plates before he turned to give him a look, drying his hands on a dish towel.  "Maybe you should give it a shot sometime.  Find somebody you're attracted to, get to know them, build up that tension-- you know, hinting talks, subtle touches.  Ease into it.  And when they finally return the sentiment, when you're sure that they have feelings for you and you have feelings for them, then make your move."  There was something wistful and distant in Dean's eyes as he moved across the kitchen, placing a sheet of tin foil over the pie.  "Don't say anything.  Just... kiss them like you mean it.  Like it isn't some kind of race.  Make sure that everything you feel-- frustration, lust, perhaps love-- make sure it's all there.

"And when you've done all of that," Dean murmured, turning about to face him, leaning back against the opposite counter.  "That's when you fess up to being a big baby and telling them you want them, that you need them.  Hopefully they'll need you back."  He paused for a long moment, just standing there, eyes locked.  "That's just an idea, though.  You should try it sometime."

Gabriel listened intently as he spoke, taking all the advice he could get, never quite understanding the whole committed relationship thing. The focused look on his face vanished the second Dean turned around, replaced with trademark grin. "I'll keep that in mind next time I try to woo someone."

Dean chuckled, rolling his eyes.  "Yeah, okay.  You do that."

Moving to lean himself up against the kitchen counter, Gabriel smiled at him, a little off kilter. "Guess I gotta go find myself a person to woo."

"Yeah, I guess you do."  Dean nodded, eyes not leaving his.  "Got any ideas?"

"A few." He replied, giving  a little shrug of his shoulder.

Dean let out a little hum, and there was curiosity there, but he didn't voice it.  "Well, there you have it.  That's a good start."

Gabriel couldn't help the secretive little grin on his face, pushing off the bench and leaving without another word, slinking off to flop over Cas on the couch.

Dean followed bemusedly, smiling to himself, and he made his way over to the couch, joining them once more.  He stayed there until he fell asleep, Gabriel's feet in his lap, head lulled back against the couch as lights from the TV flashed over his features. 

Sharing a sleepy little smile with Cas, Gabriel settled against the couch cushions, arms thrown wide as he drifted off, leaving his longtime friend alone. Castiel smiled down at the both of them, Dean' head lulling against his shoulder, stroking slowly down his side. "G'night, boys."

* * *

 

“You’re in far too good of a mood,” Meg grumbled as she brushed past. 

Dean let out a soft laugh, glancing over at her as he shook up a martini in one of their mixers.  “What makes you say that?”

“You’re smiling,” she groused, reached across from him, hands flipping a bottle of spritz deftly as she mixed up some fruity looking cocktail, winking charmingly at a pretty blonde woman who blushed delightedly and slid a ten across the bar as a tip before flitting away to let another patron take her place.  “And you look well rested.  It’s weird.”

Dean’s head fell back as he laughed, hip bumping against hers as they worked around one another.  He muttered something about it not being a bad thing, and he saw the way she bit back a smile.

The best part was that she was right—Dean was in a great mood.  Despite the neck pains in the morning, he’d slept quite soundly for the first time in a long while on the couch with Gabriel and Castiel.  Despite the strange undercurrent of sexual tension that seemed to lie between the three of them, Dean was happy in that apartment with them.  They were great guys, smart and funny and surprisingly good company.  Time seemed to go by so quickly when he was with them; it had been a very long time since he’d felt at home in his own skin around people that weren’t his little brother, that he could talk to about anything that interested him or them.  It was good.  But Dean couldn’t help but wonder when things would turn for the worse—when they finally realized that he wasn’t worth keeping around, roommate or not.

It was a stupid fear.  They liked him—that much was obvious—and he liked them too.  He might even go so far as to say that they were all friends, at least on the surface of things.  It was a good feeling and he didn’t want to lose it.  But the last time he’d felt even remotely secure, it had been a complete farce, and it had bit him so hard in the ass—literally and metaphorically—that he had scars from it.

“Dirty martini, hold the olive.”  Dean grinned charmingly at an older man, sliding his drink over to him, and the fiver he got in return had a phone number on it that Dean would never call.  “Have a great night, sir.”

Tucking the money in his back pocket, he jumped as Meg slapped him on the ass, effectively moving him out of the way as she reached under the counter for their spare bottle of Jack, giving him a sly little smirk.  “So am I gonna get to meet these roomies of yours anytime soon, heart breaker?  Or will you keep them hidden away forever?”

Dean shrugged, taking another person’s order with a smile, popping the cap off of a bottle with practiced movements.  “Not hiding them, Meg.  You can come over anytime you want.”

“Oh, yeah?”  A fine brow rose, and Dean rolled his eyes, a faint lull in the crowd coming; Dean was grateful, it had been busy for a Thursday night, and he finally got to relax for a moment since he’d clocked in hours previous.  “They gonna kiss me too?”

Dean snorted, making a face; he’d told her all about it, unable to help himself, knowing she would find out eventually.  Meg had a way of doing that.  “It’s completely plausible.  They’re kind of hounds.”

Meg hummed, pouring both of them a whiskey on the rocks, handing him his and clinking their glasses together as she leaned against the bar.  “That must be fun.”

“It’s certainly not boring.”

Meg looked about ready to laugh, eyes straying, and her face instantly fell.  “Shit.”

“What--?”  Dean tried to turn, tried to see what she was looking at that had made her expression darken so quickly, but the hand on his arm kept him from turning about.  “Meg, what is it--?”

“—I’m a paying customer,” Dean froze, eyes widening as he recognized his voice—would recognize it anywhere, especially when it was so angry and insistent, and he felt his gut clench reflexively.  “You can’t turn me away.”

“You’re known for causing trouble,” Benny’s drawl came next, and he could hear it even over the dull thrum of southern rock beating through the bar, over the soft murmur of people talking; he knew that Alastair was causing a scene _again_ and the guilt that came was like a well-aimed right hook.  “And I’m the owner of this establishment.  I can turn away anybody I like.”

“That must be bad for business.”  Dean could hear the sneer, could hear the way Benny let out a tired sigh.  “It’d be a lot easier if you let me in, Mr. Lafitte.  Just have somebody to see, and then I’ll be right out of your hair.”

“Sorry,” Benny shrugged, and he sounded about as apologetic as a psychopath convicted of murder.  “Can’t let you harass my staff.  Leave, or I’ll escort you out.”

The hair on the back of Dean’s neck stood up, and he knew that Alastair had spotted him.  Was looking at him.  Dean swallowed a few times, and Meg drew closer, eyes never leaving the threat just over Dean’s shoulder.  There was a ringing, a buzzing in his ears, and he didn’t realize he was shaking until Meg’s grip on him tightened.

He didn’t hear what came next, didn’t know what Alastair said or what Benny had to resort to in order to make him leave, but he knew that Meg’s face scrunched up in rage.  Knew that she hissed a curse at him from where she was standing behind the bar, but didn’t know what for.  There were eyes on him, on all of them, and a hand—big and warm and comforting—landed on the back of his neck.

“C’mon, Dean.”  Benny mumbled, voice soft and coaxing, and he let himself be lead to the backroom, Meg giving him a reassuring smile, and he knew that she would be able to handle things on her own for the rest of the night. 

Dean didn’t move from his hand for a long while.  “I’m so sorry--”

“It’s alright, little bird.  No harm, no foul.”

“No, it’s my fault, he--”

“Dean.”  Benny cut him off sternly.  “No.  Go on home, now.  You’re mighty shaken, and I don’t want you breakin’ any of my glasses.”

Dean blushed mildly. 

“Go home.  I’ll see you next time, alright?  Take care of yourself.  You’ll let me know if you need anything, won’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” Benny finally let go, offering him a warm smile as he lingered in his space.  “Get on home now.”

* * *

 

Dean hovered outside in his car for a long time when he finally got home.  His hands were still shaking, and he could still hear him-- could fucking feel the raw heat of his voice against his ear, even though he'd never even gotten close enough to see him.  Groaning, Dean rested his head against his steering wheel for a moment, nausea curling in his gut; his heart was racing.  He'd kept glancing in his rear view to make sure he wasn't followed back to his apartment when Benny had sent him away.

Taking a shaking breath, he finally forced himself to climb out of the Impala and headed for the elevator.  He took it to his floor, and his hands were shaking so much that he almost couldn't get the key in the lock when he made it to their door.  Only when it was shut and locked behind him did he feel even an inch better-- and hardly that at all.

Dean rested back against the cool metal of their door, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to get himself under control.

Castiel's scruffy head stuck out from his doorway when he heard the door open, expecting Gabriel. A frown marred his face when he saw Dean, shuffling out of his room. "You alright?"

Dean scoffed, blinking past the fear still pumping through him like a goddamn drug, and he nodded.  "Yeah.  I'm fuckin' great."

"What happened?" He asked, edging closer, sensing a certain fear about him.

"Nothing," he huffed out a laugh, pushing away from the door, heading past him so that he could hang his keys at their spot on the wrack.

"Bull shit." Cas retorted, following after him.

Dean turned to face him, jaw flexing, eyes hard despite the terror there, despite the way his hands were still trembling.  "Okay, better answer.  How about none of your fucking business?"

Cas raised his hands in a defensive gesture. "Okay. Okay. Just concerned."

"No.  Shit, I--" Dean took a deep breath, hand dragging down over his face.  "Sorry.  Sorry, I know, I didn't-- Just a crappy night at work, okay?"

Castiel nodded, for once, keeping a respectful distance. "I take it you don't want to talk about it?"

"No," he mumbled, shuffling.  "No, not really.  I just-- Just a _really_ bad night."

"Anything I can do?"

"Not really."

Castiel nodded, almost tempted to go up to him, though he knew Dean wouldn't appreciate it. "Call me if you need anything, alright? Gabriel should be home soon."

"He's out late," Dean mumbled, mostly to himself as he started for his bedroom.  "He's not normally out so late-- I guess I'll see him in the morning.  Gonna go to bed.  Sleep it off or something.  Tell him I said hi."

Cas' brow furrowed in concern, watching as he walked away. "Sleep well, Dean."

Dean waved feebly over his shoulder at him, shutting the door as he exited.

* * *

 

_Fingers were tight in his hair and tugging, tugging his head back.  His wrists were belted to the frame of the bed, and tears burned at his eyes as he bit them back.  Alastair's cock was in him, buried deep, and Dean could only be thankful that he'd used enough lube this time to ease the way._

_"Scream for me," Alastair hissed into his ear, letting go of his hair in favor of pulling his hips up; this was Alastair's favorite position, having Dean on his hands and knees, taking him like a bitch.  He liked to fuck Dean until he was raw, until he could barely take anymore.  When Dean didn't make a sound, knowing it would only coax Alastair into fucking him harder, faster, deeper, rougher-- he couldn't take that, didn't want to, he was barely keeping it together-- there was a sudden hot blow to his back._

_Dean cried out as the switch struck the bare skin of his back.  He trembled, hips jerking, and Alastair laughed.  Dean's wrists protested, raw and growing worse as he pulled at the bindings, and it earned him another lash.  Then another.  Dean bucked, crying out each time the switch landed a blow to his skin.  It was harsh; he felt the skin rend under one, and the groan it got out of Alastair.  So he did it again, striking him and splicing his skin open under the switch, earning feeble jerks out of Dean's body._

_"That's right," he muttered, taking him harder until the frame of the bed was clacking, clacking, banging against the wall, sound ringing in Dean's ears.  "That's right, take it.  Take my cock.  Such a pretty little slut for me, aren't you, Dean?"_

_Dean didn't reply, eyes squeezing shut, and Alastair angled his hips, striking his prostate over and over.  He hit him with the crop again._

_"Say it, Dean.  Tell me."_

_"Yes," he whimpered, skin hot with shame as he felt his orgasm build up in him.  "I'm-- I'm your slut.  I'm your dirty little slut."_

_"Good boy," Alastair praised, driving in harder, harder, harder until Dean was screaming and coming all over himself; Alastair didn't relent, kept going, kept fucking him, kept hitting him, kept making him come--_

Dean sat, gasping and tangled in his sheets, heart racing in his chest.  His body gave off these phantom aches, and he heard himself sob into his hand-- barely a sound, completely broken-- before he was kicking the covers away and sliding to his feet.  The nausea struck again.

He was loud even to his own, ringing ears as he made his way from the bedroom to the bathroom, practically throwing the toilet seat up as he keeled over the bowl and retched.  Heaving up a few more times, he groaned, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he tried to settle back down.  There were just flashes of him when he closed his eyes, and he shivered unpleasantly hot, all sweaty and in nothing but his pajama pants as he sat there on the tile floor. 

Reaching up, he fumbled for a moment, trying to get everything to work properly even in his shaken state as he flushed the toilet, pushing himself up on shaky legs and moving over to the sink.  Dipping his head, he rinsed out his mouth, bracing against the counter as he splashed some cool water on his face before turning the faucet off. 

 

 

The sound of footsteps in the living room was more than enough to wake Castiel from his sleep, only have drifted off a few hours previous, staying up with Gabriel for a while, discussing the rules on what counted as a pick up, and what was just casual flirting. Blinking sleep out of his eyes, he pulled on a pair of old boxers for the sake of partial decency as he walked out to check what was making all the noise. 

A concerned frown marred his face as he padded into the bathroom, following the broken sounds emanating from the tiled room, a curl of worry hanging heavy in his gut when he saw Dean leaning over the sink. "You really aren't okay, are you?"

Dean startled, whipping around to face him, eyes wide and harried as water dripping down his face and onto his chest.  "Shit," he murmured, wiping off his face with his forearm, looking far too pale under the florescent lights as he took a few steps back from Castiel.  "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

Cas took a moment to look over him, the furrow in his brows deepening, taking a tentative step forward, a hand raised in a placating gesture. "It's okay. Light sleeper. Are you alright?  You look like death."

Dean's eyes strayed down to Cas' hand and back up, and he stumbled back another step reflexively before forcing himself to freeze.  "Fine.  'M fine."

Cas stopped in his advance when Dean stumbled back, keeping eye contact. "No, you're really not. You don't have to tell me what happened, just let me help you."

Dean shuddered, hands flexing at his sides, and he stared at him for a long moment.  Breath snagging in his throat for a moment, he gave a short nod, refusing to move closer but not denying Castiel's own advances if he chose to make them.  He hated the way his heart was still rabbiting in his chest, the way he was probably rank with his own fear, and he fidgeted, standing there, shaking and aching.

Taking small steps closer, Cas offered a hand to him, "Come on, can't stay in here all night."

Dean's gaze locked on his hand, lingering there for a few seconds before he reached out a took it, warm fingers soft in contrast to his as he followed Cas out of the bathroom.

Castiel offered him a soft smile, tugging gently at his hand, leading him out to the living room. "Sit with me?"

Clearing his throat, Dean nodded again, shakes slowly subsiding as they neared the couch.  "Sure."

He didn't let go of Dean's hand the entire time, settling down on the couch, guiding him down carefully, not wanting to push him into doing anything.  Dean sat stiffly, shifting awkwardly as they settled, and he felt ridiculous for clutching at Castiel's hand like it was his goddamn lifeline.  Letting out a shuddering breath, he tried to get himself to relax, eyes not leaving Cas as he kept looking at him with those furrowed brows and that concerned expression. 

"You're gonna be okay, right?" Cas asked, brushing his thumb over the top of Dean's hand.

Dean nodded, eyes tracking the slow movement.  "I'll be fine."

"You say that a lot." Cas said, more an observation than anything else, relieved that Dean's hands weren't shaking so badly anymore.

There was a huff of a laugh, and Dean grinned wryly at him, though it wavered slightly.  "I'm fine a lot."

Cas shook his head, peering at him carefully, as though he was looking into him. "No, you're not."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I know people." He replied, almost sagely.

"I'm fine," he insisted softly, and the longer Castiel stroked over his knuckles, the more he seemed to calm down.  "I'm fine, I promise."

Cas nodded, though he didn't quite believe him. "You'd tell me if you weren't right?"

"Why--?"  His voice cracked, and he frowned, hand tightening briefly in Castiel's before he let go altogether.  "Why does it matter?"

Cas let out a little sound of protest when he took his hand away, shifting a little closer. "Why doesn't it? Everyone needs someone to turn to."

"And you're volunteering to be my someone?"  Dean asked drolly, and he leaned back a bit, but didn't move away.

Castiel nodded, pointedly ignoring the tease in his tone. "If you'd let me."

Dean's jaw worked for a moment, and the thought of telling him anything had him recoiling emotionally, knowing there would be that dreadfully sympathetic look-- or, worse yet, disgusted.  "I'm not gonna talk about it."

"Fair enough." Cas said, content to sit with him.

"Wha' aren't we talkin' about?" Gabriel asked, sleep slurred as he shuffled out of his bedroom, hair standing on end.

Dean glanced over the back of the couch at him, and he frowned apologetically.  "It's nothing."

"He can't sleep." Cas informed, patting the space of couch next to him for Gabriel to take.

"Can't sleep, what are you f-"

"Gabriel!" Cas snapped, jabbing at his ribs. "A bit of sympathy."

Dean flushed, scratching the back of his head, and he inched back a bit, feeling shame well up in him.  "You guys really don't-- Just go back to bed, I'm good."

"Nah, we're awake now." Gabriel said, offering a tight smile, pushing down the little flare of guilt that accompanied the flush on Dean's face. Cas nodded in agreement, shuffling a little closer, not wanting to leave him alone again.

"We can stay with you."

"You really don't have to," Dean insisted quietly.  "I'm fine, honest.  I was actually planning on going back to bed myself."  _And never sleeping ever again._

"We want to." Cas insisted, Gabriel nodding behind him. "Let us help."

Letting out a little sigh, he shifted in his seat, glancing between them.  "How can you help?"

"Nothing fixes bad dreams like a movie night." Gabriel declared, getting to his feet to riffle through their ever growing movie collection, leaving Cas to scoot closer to Dean, pressing up against him. Watching idly as Gabriel prepped a DVD, Cas nudged at Dean's neck as the title credits of The Princess Bride started, Gabriel returning to settle against Dean's other side.  Cas tugged the blanket down off of the back of the couch, draping it over them.

Dean blushed for a whole different reason, shivering as he was bracketed in by the both of them.  He thought that it might make him feel trapped-- like he couldn't escape, like he was being closed in-- but instead he just felt safe.  Warm and safe, and even the gentle nose at his neck and the hand slipping around to grip at his hip felt comforting.  Soft touches that contrasted so drastically from the ones he'd dreamed about, from the ones he'd grown so scared of.  He relaxed slowly against them, eyes on the screen, refusing to acknowledge how odd it all was because he didn't want to.  Didn't want to give up something that felt good.

Petting slowly over his shoulder, Cas cast a glance over to Gabriel, a relieved smile on his face when Dean finally relaxed, more interested in the warmth of his skin than Buttercup's plight. Dean shuddered, letting out a little hum as Gabriel's thumb brushed gently over his hip, and he stiffened immediately when he realized he'd made the pleased little sound, eyes widening slightly, focus still on the TV, hoping neither of them noticed.

A little grin was shared between them, and Cas lowered his head to nuzzle into Dean's neck, letting out a soft huff of breath. Deciding he quite liked the sound Dean made, Gabriel kept up with the slow stroke over his hip.  Dean swallowed thickly, heart stammering, and he bit his lip as he was coaxed back into relaxation. 

Clearing his throat, he squirmed slightly between them, and his hands flexed in his lap, unsure what to do with them.  "You guys are certainly affectionate at four in the morning."

Cas gave a soft laugh, muffled against Dean's skin as he peered up at him, taking his hands to keep them busy. "No time like the present."

"He's just a cuddle slut." Gabriel teased.

"And your excuse?"  Dean glanced over at Gabriel pointedly, feeling ridiculously _kept_ with the way Cas and Gabriel held him.

"Can't let him have all the fun." Gabriel replied, a warm little grin on his face as he pressed up against him.

A startled little laugh fell over his lips, but he didn't protest.  Dean _liked_ being touched by them.  Liked how easily they seemed to all fit together, and he shoved down the urge to push them away, to go climb in bed and hide-- because he didn't deserve this.  This willingly ignorant care.  The way they took small steps to cheer him up when he was obviously upset.  The way they seemed to know just how to touch him, just where to hold him.

"Alright, then."  He said instead, accepting it, letting it happen.  Letting himself be selfish for once.

A brief glance was shared between Cas and Gabriel, tugging the covers around them tighter, keeping the cold out, comfortably settled against Dean. The careful nudge Cas left under Dean's jaw was matched with slow circles being rubbed into his hip, and Gabriel fumbled around to find one of Dean's hands, wrangling it from Castiel's grasp.

Dean shuddered, head tilting aside a bit, leaning fully into them.  Each hand was caught with theirs-- one encased by Castiel's, fingers pressing along the heel of his palm and tracing imaginary patterns on the back of his knuckles, the other laced with Gabriel's free hand.  He found his own fingers curling, tightening in theirs as he tried not to think.  Tried to just feel, just focus on their gentle touches, on the heat that seep into him.  On the comfort they provided. 

Eyes half dazed, Dean stared ahead at the television screen, happy for that distraction as well.  He let his mind sink into it, let his body sink into them, and found solace there.  Slowly but surely, the exhaustion set in.  The fitful sleep, the stress of Alastair showing up at his work and in his nightmares, all of it taking its toll on him. 

It was the strangest thing, being able to be lulled so easily by two men he'd hardly known for a month.  But they made him feel safe, bracketed in like he was, and he knew that no harm would come to him there.  When his eyelids finally started drooping, gaze growing heavy, he squeezed at the hands in his again, voice soft and faintly slurred when he spoke.

"Thank you."  He murmured, letting sleep take him under, head resting half on the back of the couch and half on Gabriel's shoulder.

 "You're welcome." Cas mumbled, as quiet as he could manage, moving ever so slightly to get more comfortable. A small, but very much genuine smile stretched Gabriel's lips, stroking gently over Dean's cheek as he slept.

"He's even prettier when he sleeps." He said, looking up at Cas from over the top of Dean's head.

"I know." Cas agreed, pausing for a moment. "We need to be careful with him. I think someone's tried to break him before."

Gabriel nodded, albeit reluctantly. "You think that about everyone, though. Not like you can see into them or anything."

"Well no, but you can tell. He's all hollow inside." Cas mumbled, a concerned little frown on his face. "I just don't want to make it worse."

"And we won't. Don't sweat it, Cassie." Gabriel countered, reaching a hand across to ruffle through his hair, watching as his friend settled back down against Dean's shoulder, finally drifting off.


	3. I Don’t Wanna Be Alone (I Want To Find a Home)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mentions of drug use, depictions of a bad ecstasy trip, depictions of mild gore, depictions of sexual situations. 
> 
> Party on, dudes!

 

About two weeks had passed since Dean's nightmare.  Since the first of what turned out to be a pretty regular cuddle session on the couch, the three of them all wrapped up in one another.  Somehow, whenever two or more of them found themselves on the couch together, they ended up touching and curling into one another, seemingly emboldened further by each progressive cuddle fest.  Sometimes it was Dean and Cas, sometimes it was Dean and Gabriel.  Sometimes Gabriel had his head in Dean's lap and his legs sprawled out over Castiel's.  Sometimes the two of them felt the need to pin Dean between them, hands at his waist, his hip, his thigh, the back of his neck, or laced with his. 

Sometimes, Dean would fall asleep-- he would doze off with the two of them holding him close, come in and out of consciousness because it was so damn warm and so damn comfortable.  And it was normal, in a way.  For them.  It was normal to plop down onto the couch after a long night, or a long day, or after just waking up and be joined by one another.  It was strange, but it was normal. 

They'd even set up a Monday Movie Night-- because Dean didn't work on Monday nights, and Gabriel and Castiel would use any excuse to touch him.  Movie night just seemed the way to go.  And it was an excuse to pig out on pizza and to smoke a blunt together-- Castiel was a recreational user, had a pretty good stash, and Gabriel and Dean were nowhere near virgins when it came to drug use.  Gabriel had spent an entire week, high out of his mind, in Amsterdam during his time in Europe the year previous.  Dean had tried a few things here and there growing up and wasn't shy about trying them again in a safe place with people he was growing to trust.

And that sort of scared him.  How easily he was putting trust in the two of them.  How they had managed to worm their way under his skin and make a home there.  The increasingly affectionate touches that they gave him.  The way that he and Castiel could sit, in complete silence, on the couch together with just their feet touching as they read their respective books-- occasionally pausing to read out something interesting or funny.  The way Gabriel would wake him with the fresh smell of doughnuts from the bakery he worked at after Dean's had a rough night of it, coffee prepared just the way he liked it with a splash of cream and probably too much sugar, and chocolate smeared over their fingers as they spread out over the hardwood floor of their living room, laughing and talking about absolutely nothing.  The way they asked him about Sam-- how he's doing, what classes he's struggling with, about that girl he has a massive crush on-- and sometimes shout over the phone at his little brother when he managed to get him on the line.  Basically, they intruded in on his life, weaving themselves intricately into it before Dean could find half a mind to protest.

Not that he really minded.

Bringing home the shopping, bags of groceries in both arms, Dean couldn't help the little thrum of excitement that rushed through him.  He always felt excited these days, to go home to the two of them, knowing that they were happy to have him there.  And he knew that he would have Castiel to himself for a few hours-- Gabriel had been called out by one of his brothers again, who Dean had surmised from the few times they'd been spoken of were a couple of royal douche bags.  Which meant he and Cas could chill out together, that maybe Cas would do a bit of yoga while Dean (secretly) sketched him in a few of the more difficult poses.  He'd already gotten a few of his hands, long and slender fingers mesmerizing and breath-taking in life and on paper. 

Dean stepped out of the elevator in high spirits, a smile on his face, and he came to a slow halt when he found the door ajar and heard the sound of glass breaking from somewhere inside.  Expression faltering, he set everything down, and crept closer, slipping through the opening in the metal slate, tense and on edge as he inched his way into their apartment.

It wasn't what he had expected at all. Cas just standing there, a look of complete terror on his face at the glass he'd smashed, breaths coming in sharp little pants, eyes wide with panic and fear, though there was nothing visible to Dean in the apartment to scare him.

Cas knew it was a bad idea. Ecstasy never did sit well with him, especially when he was alone, but some sick part of him decided it was a great idea to give it another try even after the spectacularly bad trip he’d taken last time.  He couldn’t tell if the little muttering coming from the corners of every room he entered were real, or if he was hearing things, blood rushing so loud he could hear his own pulse in his ears, interrupted by the occasional burst of static. His hands were shaking near violently when he heard footsteps, echoing weirdly around the room, walking out of the kitchen, not even noticing the glass he stepped on to leave, feet bleeding, though the pain seemed dulled, far away, as though it wasn’t his.

"Jesus-- Cas!"  Dean rushed over the second he spotted the blood, hands coming to rest at his arms, fingers gentle but firm and he tried to catch his eyes, but they kept darting around to look everywhere but at Dean.  "Cas, hey, what happened?  What's going on?"

All of a sudden there was a person standing before him, and he startled, skittering away like a spooked animal, breathing hard. Somewhere within the rush of static and the soft whispers echoing through his head, he could hear Dean's voice -- at least he thought it was Dean's-- searching to find the source, needing the reassurance that he wasn't alone anymore only to find the room empty. He squeezed his eyes shut, a shaking hand finding its way into his hair, tugging and gripping as he tried to find some kind of grip on reality.

Dean stilled, hands out as if to touch him, but he held back.  Brows drawn together, he lowered his voice, recognizing Castiel's reaction for exactly what it was-- the fear and confusion, the way he was shaking, and his dilated pupils.  "Cas-- Cas, hey, easy.  Easy.  It's me, Dean.  You know me, right?  I'm right here.  I'm right here with you, okay?"

Shaking his head, frantic as he tried to clear his mind, shaking so hard he couldn't even keep hold of his own hair, staring up at Dean, unsteady hands reaching out to press against his shoulders, firm muscle, warm and alive and so very _real._ Breathing out a short sigh of relief, he swallowed, mouth dry.

"O-Okay... You're real."

"That's right.  I'm real."  Dean assured softly, hands moving slowly to grip at his arms again, eyes darting over to the couch for a moment as he let his hands stroke up and down his arms in easy movements.  "I'm real and I'm right here, okay?  Do you trust me, Cas?"

Cas nodded, jumping as he felt something curl over his neck, turning only to find nothing there, tensing up as he looked around, frantic and scared.

"Alright, good."  He breathed, and slowly guided Castiel over to the couch, sitting him down and fumbling for the remote-- turning the TV off to reduce the noise before he turned his attention back to Castiel.  "Cas, I need you to listen to me, okay?  I need you to trust me."

He saw the television screen flick to nothing, but he could still hear the buzz of static in his head, shaking hands winding into his hair in effort to stifle the noise echoing in his head. "I can still hear it. Dean, make it go away." He mumbled, almost child like.

"Shh," he soothed, pulling him close gently, slowly prying Castiel's fingers from his own hair and holding them in his own.  "I know.  Listen to me, you're having a bad reaction to some drugs, okay?  You're having a bad trip-- that sound you're hearing isn't real.  This, though--" he placed Cas' palm over his chest where his heart was thrumming, and he squeezed at the fingers in his.  "This is real.  I'm real and you're real.  Can you focus on that for me?  Focus on my voice, okay?"

He let Dean take his hands away, the sound of his voice enough to ground him. "You're voice." He mumbled, absent as he looked down at the hand pressed at his chest, the static in his head finally falling silent.

"That's right.  See?"  He pressed a little closer, smiling.  "You're right here, right with me.  You're safe with me. okay?"

Cas looked back up at him, watching as he smiled, and he almost returned the expression until Dean's seemed to flicker in and out of existence, the smile on his face curving, foul breath washing over him, as he grinned, wickedly sharp teeth glinting in dull light, black liquid dripping from the corner of his mouth.

_Lets us out._ A terrified little whimper left him, scrambling off the couch as fast as he could.

Dean's breath caught, and he let Cas move away, didn't restrict him as he jerked out of his reach.  He just kept his voice low, calming, and he reached out, palm up.  "Cas.  Cas, it's okay.  It's Dean.  I'm Dean.  Focus on my voice.  _My_ voice, not whatever you're hearing.  Take my hand, okay?  I've got you."

As fast as it had happened, it was gone, and it was only Dean staring at him. Tentatively, as though expecting whatever that _thing_ was to come back, he let their hands touch.

"There you go," Dean whispered, giving a gentle squeeze.  "Will you come back over here for me?  Come sit with me?"

He nodded stiffly, moving to sit with him, blood staining the couch, though he assumed it was another hallucination. It didn't hurt.

Dean had to calm him, had to get him to settle-- needed to get him to sit still long enough for Dean to fix up his feet before infection set in.  "There we go.  You're doing so well, Cas.  Do you want me to keep talking so you have something to focus on?  Want to just listen to me?"

For a moment, he stared at the bloodstains, as though trying to determine their source, finally looking up at Dean. "Keep talking... You keep the voices away."

Nodding, Dean took a soft breath, thumbs stroking over the back of Castiel's hands.  "Okay.  Alright.  What would you like me to talk about?  I can tell you what I'm making for dinner tonight."

"Anything." Cas mumbled, the sound of his voice calming, the shake of his hands receding.

"We're having baked chicken tonight-- I got legs because you like them.  It's gonna be the one with the potatoes in it?  Maybe you can help me cook later, after you've calmed down.  Or you can watch me while I work.  Would you like to help me with dinner later?"

Cas just nodded, only vaguely aware of what he was actually saying, more focused on the rise and fall of his voice. "I'll help you." He mumbled, a light frown appearing between his eyebrows at the twinge of pain in his feet, shifting a little.

"Okay," Dean smiled, and he gently reeled him in, making sure Castiel was okay with it every inch of the way until Dean could reach for him, tilting Cas' chin up so that their eyes met.  "You can cut the potatoes up for me-- wash them, peel them, dice them.  I'd love having you in there with me.  I love having you around.  You and Gabriel both.  Did you know that?"

"Really?" He asked, blinking up at him, curious, but by no means as intense as he usually was. "You'll be the first. Most people leave us."

"Most people aren't idiots like I am."  Dean smiled, thumb brushing over his cheek; he was happy to see him calming down, and he hoped soon it would be enough to eventually work the glass out of his feet-- if there was any-- and bandage them up.   "But I do.  I like having you around.  You guys make me feel more at home than I ever have.  I'll only leave if you guys ever decide to kick me out."

He tried to shift a little closer, but every time he moved, a spike of pain shot through him, though he couldn't find it source;everything looked in order save for the blood on the couch. "We won't kick you out."

"I'm glad to hear it," Dean murmured, and he settled his hands on Castiel's shoulders, giving him an earnest look.  "Cas, you stepped on some broken glass.  Will you let me clean them up for you?  I don't want you to get hurt anymore than you have."

 "So it is mine." He said, hardly audible as he trailed a finger through the blood on the couch.

"Yeah, Cas, it is."  Dean replied, eyes on him, ducking his head to meet his gaze.  "Can I leave you for just a second?  To go get the first aide kit so I can patch you up?  I'll talk the entire time, if you need."

"I'll be okay." He said, vague as he prodded at his foot, flinching back as the pain finally processed.

"Don't touch it," Dean chided softly as he stood, and despite what Castiel said, he talked the entire time he was gone-- telling him about aimless little things that had happened that day, only stopping his chatter when he was kneeling before him, looking expectant.  "Can I see your foot?"

Cas was hardly listening, more interested in the black ooze coming from the walls, panic rising though whatever rational part of him that remained knew that if Dean looked so calm, it can't have actually been there. Tearing his eyes away, he nodded, moving his feet so Dean could tend them.

"You're doing really well," he murmured, soft praise as he took a wet, warm wash cloth to the bottom of his foot, gently cleaning the blood away-- careful to avoid the piece of glass he could see sticking out.  "I'm really proud of you, holding yourself together like this.  You're very strong, Cas."

He shifted, hissing softly at the ache in his feet, shaking out one of his hands to rid it of the terrible crawling sensations. "I should be able to handle this."

"Everybody has a bad trip once in a while," Dean muttered, and he shifted to hold his ankle-- hands gentle despite their roughness, using the tweezers to slowly extract the glass wedge in the ball of his foot.  "You're handling it.  Trust me."

The little whine he gave was almost pathetic, squirming as pain laced up his leg. "I should be stronger than this."

The second the shard was free, Dean was pressing the warm cloth to it, easing the pain there with soft pressure.  "You are strong, Castiel.  You don't need to be any stronger than you are.  You're amazing."

He shook his head again, shifting uncomfortably, eyes all glassed over as he rambled, not really aware of what he was saying. "I was supposed to be a solider, like my father, and my brothers. I couldn't do it, and I'm weak and soft hearted and stupid and pointless."

"Stop," Dean looked up at him sharply, voice firm, squeezing at his ankle.  "Stop that right now, Cas.  You're amazing, and intelligent, and so strong-- Stop saying that you're not when you are.  You're fuckin' beautiful, Cas."

It was enough to draw him out of his rambling, a soft frown on his face, "Sweet of you to think so."

"You are.  You don't even know it, Cas, but you are."  Dean muttered, eyes wide as he stared up at him, wanting nothing more than to kiss him again.

The little chuckle he gave was hollow, mirthless. "Eye of the beholder needs a little adjusting."

Dean tsked softly, shaking his head as he went back to cleaning his foot up-- wiping the blood away and smearing antiseptic over the few cuts before he pressed gauze to the sole of his foot, wrapping a cloth bandage around it a few times and securing it easily.  "My eye is perfectly fine, Cas.  You're amazing.  And you trust me, right?" 

"I trust you." He replied, blindly faithful.

"Then you're gonna have to trust me when I say that you're brilliant.  That you're breath-taking."

Cas almost wanted to say something, to brush him off, but he knew being alone would just make him relapse. "I trust you." He repeated, mumbled softly, shifting a little closer.

"I'm glad," Dean smiled, bright and genuine, eyes alight as he pulled his other foot to him-- cleaning it and finding it, thankfully, free of any gashes or cuts.  Happy to have him cleaned up, he set aside the kit and pushed himself back up onto the couch with him.  "How are you feeling?  Any better?"

"I think so." Cas replied, curling up to him, "Stay with me?"

Dean hesitated and then placed his arms around him, pulling him closer as he angled to lean back against the armrest, situating himself to take on the brunt of Castiel's weight as he tugged him against his chest.  "However long you'd like."

"Thank you." Cas mumbled, curling towards him, squeezing his eyes shut, breathing heavily, giving the occasional twitch against his chest, clinging to Dean's shirt.

Dean's expression went soft, and he started carding his fingers idly through the mess of Castiel's hair.  Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly, thumb brushing over his temple as he held him close.  It was good to have him calming down, coming down from the high, easing away from whatever delusions that had been plaguing him.  It was a hassle, talking someone down, though Dean couldn't say he was complaining about having Cas all but laying on him.

"Do you want me to keep talking?  Or-- or if you want, I could sing to you.  I used to sing Sammy to sleep."

"I'd like that." He mumbled, the steady thud of Dean's heart reassuring, constant, keeping the curls of black that threatened his vision at bay. 

"Anything in particular?"

Cas shook his head, burrowing in close to him.

Dean let out a soft chuckle, hand stroking up and down his back.  "Okay then.  How do you feel about the Beatles?"

* * *

 

The sight that met Gabriel when he returned dulled any remaining exasperation from the his meeting, having to put up with hours of Michael's drivel.  The bags outside the cracked door had sent him into a slight panic, and finding Castiel pillowed against Dean's chest, fast asleep, though he looked pale, twitching slightly, clutching at Dean like a lifeline put him a bit more at ease. A frown appeared between Gabriel's brows, walking over to them.

"He okay?" he asked, voice soft so as not to wake Cas. 

"He's better," Dean peered up at him, nodding, words hushed.  "Bad reaction to something he took.  I don't know what it was, but he's okay now.  Just coming down, I think."

Gabriel knelt down to check over Cas, running a hand through his hair. "Thanks for taking care of him."

"Anytime," Dean muttered, watching the way Gabriel's expression softened with affection.  "If you ever need it, I'll take care of you too."

Cas tremored a little, curling into Dean, and Gabriel just smiled at him. "Did he hurt himself again?"

Dean's hand slipped up and down Castiel's spine.  "Stepped on glass.  Nothing too bad."

"I keep telling him not to trip alone. It fucks with him like you wouldn't believe." Gabriel said, half expecting Cas to grumble back some half baked retort.

"I noticed," Dean gave him a dry look, and shifted slightly, stilling when Cas stirred.  "He fell asleep a while back-- help me get him to bed?  I wanna clean up the kitchen-- and, shit, I need to bring the groceries in."

Gabriel nodded, lifting Cas from the couch as carefully as he could, motioning for Dean to get his bedroom door.  "Go back to sleep, Cas. It's just me." He mumbled as his friend stirred.

"Gabe?" Cas mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes.

"One and only."

Nodding feebly, Cas drifted back off, trusting he was safe.

When Gabriel came back out, Dean was stooped in the kitchen entryway, picking up the pieces of glass of the floor carefully.  It looked like he was used to it, picking up messes-- people included.  Dean flinched, hissing as a jagged piece sliced the tip of his finger open.  Letting out a little grunt, he shook his head, frowning down at the blood that welled up.

"You okay?" Gabriel asked, seeing the cut on his finger.

Dean grunted noncommittally, sucking on the tip of his finger to clean the blood away, pulling back to squint and see how bad it was.  "Fine.  You?"

Gabriel nodded, peering at the wound, deeming it non threatening. "Better than Cas."

"That's good," Dean grinned.  "I don't know what I'd do if I had to sing two people to sleep today."

"You sang Cas to sleep?" Gabriel asked, a warm little smile on his face. "He would have liked that."

"Apparently so," Dean shrugged, blushing a little as he went back to picking up the mess.  "He particularly liked my rendition of _Hey Jude_." 

His expression turned nostalgic, a little vacant as he spoke. "One of his sisters used to sing to him when he was a kid, never used to sleep well. He used to follow her everywhere."

Dean hummed, and stood slowly, popping the trash can open and dropping the glass into it.  "She sounds nice."

"Anna? Yeah, she is. Haven't seen her for years, off doing some humanitarian thing in Argentina."

Dean paused, looking impressed, on his way over to the bags of groceries.  "Sounds pretty amazing."

Gabriel gave a shrug. "If you're into that."

"Right," Dean nodded, scooping up the bags, wincing as one started leaking.  "Shit, there goes the ice cream."

Gabriel was brought out of his thoughts at the mention of his favorite treat. "Volunteer clean up."

"Oh, my god," Dean barked out a sharp laugh, shaking his head as he rushed over to the sink, setting the melting carton into it.  "Your sweet tooth is so bad-- you need to get that checked."

"My dentist says that everytime I go get a filling." Gabriel quipped.

Dean gave him a sharp look.  "You should floss more."

"Yes, mom." Gabriel teased.

Dean rolled his eyes, moving about the kitchen as Gabriel leaned in the doorway.  "You should really stop calling me that."

"Why?" Gabriel asked, almost worried he'd caused offense.

"Well, considering the way I catch you staring at my ass sometimes, it might be deemed inappropriate.  I'd go so far as to say incestuous."

Gabriel paused for a second, nose crinkling. "That's just gross."

"Exactly," Dean grinned, tucking the fruit into a drawer in the fridge.

"You don't even look like a mom anyway." Gabriel mumbled, trying to rid his mind from the nasty images that plagued it.

Dean laughed.  "Good to hear."

They fell into comfortable silence, and Gabriel decided to make himself useful and help put away the groceries, huffing in annoyance when he had to stretch up to reach the top self.  When all was said and done, they finished putting everything away, and found themselves sitting across from one another on opposite counters, munching on leftover pizza from their weekend. 

"How was your day?"  Dean asked, legs swinging slightly.

"Shitty." Gabriel mumbled, recalling the drone of Michael's voice. "But at least only one of them were there, less fighting."

"That's good," Dean nodded, taking a bite of his pizza, mulling it all over.  "You're always really drained when it's a tough one.  I'm glad it was less so."

"Yeah well, listening to two grown ass men bicker over who has more daddy issues is pretty draining."

Dean gave him a contemplative look.  "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Gabriel held his gaze for a moment, slowly shaking his head. "You don't want to hear about my crap."

"Yeah, I do."  Dean assured, smiling lopsidedly at him.  "I want to hear everything about you-- the good, the bad, the in between.  You and Cas both."

"That's either really good of you, or really stupid, I can't decide." Gabriel chuckled, eerie and hollow.

"I'd say the same about the two of you."

"Yeah... Is suppose you could." Gabriel said, trying to steer the conversation away from his afternoon as much as he wanted to get it off his chest.

"So then tell me about it," Dean shrugged.  "I'm interested in you, you're interested in me-- it could be a game.  Like twenty questions or some shit."

"What are you, five." Gabriel grumbled, almost walking away, falling back to insult in attempt to avoid questioning.

"Sometimes," Dean grinned cheekily, refusing to back down even a fraction.

Gabriel shifted under his gaze, insult fading from his expression. "You really want to go there? Cause it's a big pile of shit."

"I'm pretty well versed in big piles of shit.  Try me."

Gabriel hesitated for a moment, letting out a long sigh. "It's uh. It's not that I don't like my brothers, I do. They're family, but sometimes I just get so sick of their shit, y'know. I'm sick of being caught in the middle of it all."

Dean nodded, a look of understanding on his face, but he didn't say anything.  Letting him fill the silence.

"They're my two elder brothers, Michael, and Luc. Both of them are intolerable, really, but they practically raised me, and you grow a kind of affection after a few years. Started years ago, family corporation started going down hill, so dad hired other managers, laid off a few of the family. Business improved, but Luc was pissed. Chucked a tantrum because daddy didn't like him any more. It all just went down hill from there."

Dean canted his head.  "He laid off his own son?"

"Luc's not very good with people, got a temper three miles wide."

"Bad for business then," Dean hummed.  "I can kind of see why.  But now he thinks your father doesn't love him?"

"Daddy took his favourite plaything away, and then he got upset. He's such a child."

Dean fell silent again.  Expectant.

"I've tried running. Didn't help. Hoped maybe they'd cooled down, but they're still at each others throats." Gabriel finished, a strained smile on his face.

"Luc and your father?  Or your other brother?"  Dean asked for clarification’s sake.

"Other brother. Dad doesn't show his face much these days."

Dean frowned, pursing his lips.  "Well that sucks ass."

Gabriel let out a harsh chuckle. "Yeah, guess it does." He said, pausing for a moment. "I've never told anyone about that. Not even Cas."

"Really?"  Dean's eyes widened, expression so open and earnest that Gabriel felt he might just tell him every single one of his secrets one of these days.  "No one?"

"Cas figured it out, but we don't really talk about it. So, yeah." Gabriel admitted, offering a little smile, genuine and warm.

"Well--" Dean's voice cracked, and he palmed the back of his head bashfully.  "Well, thank you then.  For trusting me enough to talk about it.  Do you-- is there anything you want to know?"

Gabriel considered him for a moment, tracking through the list of questions he had. "How come you never sleep through the night?"

"You would ask that, wouldn't you?"  Dean barked out a laugh, shaking his head, eyes darting to the space between them for a long, quiet moment.  "I have nightmares.  I figured that would be pretty obvious."

Gabriel nodded, offering a little smile to him. "Any monsters in the closet we should know about, because we just had your room cleaned out before you moved in."

Dean snorted derisively, giving him a dry look despite the amused smile curling on his lips.  "No bogeymen, if that's what you're worried about.  Just... a mix of things, really.  Sometimes it's my parents-- they uh, they died a long time ago.  Before Sam could even--"  he cleared his throat, looking down again.  "Before Sam could even walk, but I remember the house going up in flames.  Remember my dad handing me Sammy, telling me to watch out for him while he ran back in to get my mom.  He didn't come back out."  Dean's eyes caught with Gabriel's, and he was smiling through the haunted look in his gaze.  "As for the other times-- let's just say I have a really shitty ex."

Gabriel's nose crinkled, but he didn't apologize for asking. "And, if said shitty ex ever tried anything, you'd tell us, right. Because Cas can be pretty scary." He said, tone light despite the topic.

Dean shrugged a single shoulder, noncommittal.  "I don't think he'll be a problem."

"Good." Gabriel mumbled, a little flare of something far too protective.

"Do they bother you?"  Dean asked, brow furrowed slightly with worry.  "My nightmares?  Am I-- Do I make too much noise when I'm out here?  Because I can stay in my room."

Gabriel shook his head. "Make as much noise as you want."

"It doesn't wake you?"

"Well, yeah. But I can deal with it. And if it's upset you enough to make that much noise, someone should check up on you."

Dean shook his head.  "You guys-- you don't have to check up on me."

"Yeah we do. You're our friend."

A smile, abrupt and genuine, spread over his face, bright and bashful as Dean glanced back down to the tile between them.  "You guys are my friends too."

Gabriel flashed him a crooked little grin, a satisfied warmth curling in his gut, like maybe he didn't have to lie to Dean, like he could always be so open.

Dean glanced back up, eyes curious, expression almost affectionate.  "So are we done braiding each other's hair?"

"Grow yours out a little and I'll think about it." Gabriel chuckled, hopping off the bench and walking out.

Dean watched him go, still smiling to himself, far too pleased.  If he watched the way Gabriel's slacks clung to his ass, that was his business too.

* * *

Mornings were Dean's favorite.  He liked that slow drag.  Waking easily to the first signs of light, the heavy feeling of his bones as he shifted beneath the sheets, easing himself back into consciousness.  He loved climbing out of that lovely warmth of his bed into a crisp coldness, slipping into a pair of pajama pants, and tugging a shirt over his head so that he could shuffle out into the kitchen.  There was a delighted kind of pleasure that he took in waking up before Dean and Cas, in being able to make them breakfast.  

He meandered around the kitchen, throwing things together with easy movements, still languid with sleep, humming to himself.  It was a routine.  A routine that he had grown comfortably accustom with; setting up the coffee maker, heating up a pan for eggs and potatoes as he moved across the flat to get the mail from the front door, setting all of that down on the counter and then going back to making their meal.

There was bacon sizzling away when he heard the sound of someone dragging their feet into the room with him.  "Morning."

Gabriel was by no means a morning person, hair standing on end, disheveled as he shuffled in, eyes a little red, groping around for his coffee mug. "G'morning."

"Sleep well?"  Dean chuckled, moving over to him, taking the mug and filling it for him-- leaving just enough space for the mad amount of cream and sugar he always added-- before handing it back.

Gabriel gave a faint grunt, almost robotic as he added enough sugar to give a horse diabetes to his coffee, pouring in cream before deeming it drinkable. After a few sips, he came to his senses, nodding slowly. "Yeah. You?"

"Better than usual."

Gabriel smiled at him, yawning softly as he tried to get his hair to sit down. "Good."

The soft groan from the living room alerted them to Cas' awakening, eyes bloodshot as he shuffled into the kitchen, bags under his eyes, paler than usual. Blinking slowly, he squinted away from the light, head aching something terrible, little more than the fuzzy memory of taking a few tablets the afternoon previous. "Hello."

Dean was ambling up to him in an instant, handing him a few ibuprofen and a glass of orange juice, a small smile of his face.  "Take those.  It'll help.  Breakfast is cooking."

Cas eyed the tablets in suspicion, as though he half expected them to hurt him. Flicking a weary gaze back up at Dean, he nodded, taking the tablets gratefully, swallowing weakly.

"You alright?" Gabriel asked, peering at him on concern.

"I will be."

Dean went back to shuffling the bacon around as it sizzled and popped in the frying pan, his back to the two of them as he worked.  "You're gonna need to drink a lot of water today-- and one of us will have to help change the bandage on your foot."

"The what?" Cas asked, looking down at his feet, a faint ache at the sole of his left foot.

"Cut your foot open yesterday, Cas."  Dean told him, tone light and informative.  "Bled all over the place.  I had to flip the couch cushions over and everything."

His brow furrowed, vague recollections of dull pain and warm hands helping him, the crushing weight of just how useless he was bearing down over him. "I'm sorry."

Dean looked over at him, still lazily content in the early morning, smile soft and nothing but affectionate as he met his gaze from over his shoulder.  "Don't worry about it, Cas.  Wasn't a big deal.  I just wish you'd be more careful.  I don't like seeing you all bloody like that."

Cas shuffled his feet, wincing  at the flare of pain that shot up his leg. "I shouldn't have troubled you with it. I'm sorry," He said, guilty for bringing Dean into his issues.

Gabriel frowned at him, moving a little closer to him.  "Doesn't matter now, Cas. You're okay."

"And you'll be even better once those pain meds kick in."

Cas nodded slowly, offering a tight little smile that didn't quite met his eyes. "Yeah. I will."

"And," Dean continued, shifting the finished bacon strips onto a paper towel covered plate, moving to place more in the pan as he shifted potatoes around.  "Once you fill up on breakfast.  Making your favorite."

Glancing between them, Cas nodded, smile a little more genuine as he watched Dean cooking. "Thank you."

"Anytime," Dean replied earnestly, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet.

"What he said." Gabriel smiled, looking at his friend pointedly, as though trying to assess his mental state.

"I'd say I'd return the favour if ever you were in my position but I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy." Cas mumbled.

Dean let out a little hum, flipping pieces over as grease snapped at him.  "It's good to know you'd be there anyway.  It's good to know that you are there-- maybe not for the same reasons, but there all the same."  He paused, glancing over at them.  "The both of you.  Really.  I'm grateful."

They both regarded with with equally fond looks, a little smile on Gabriel's lips. "Don't mention it." He said, watching as Cas smiled into his glass of juice.

"I won't if you won't."  He shot back wryly.

Castiel rolled his eyes. "I suppose I'll just have to remind you both, will I?"

"More than likely, yeah."

Grumbling softly, Cas moved to sit up on the bench to take the weight off his foot. Gabriel chuckled, warm and genuine as he looked over the pair of them, "One of us has to."

"Not really," Dean shrugged a single shoulder, pulling a skillet closer, pouring the eggs from a measuring bowl into it with practiced ease.  "They say ignorance is bliss."

Gabriel gave a soft hum of agreement even as Cas' nose wrinkled, pouring himself another glass of orange juice, knowing coffee would be off limits. "I'd rather be under burden of knowledge than in ignorant bliss."

"I am Castiel of Ohio," Dean murmured to himself, grinning as he shuffled food about on the stove, mocking in absolute tease, not expecting either of them to hear.  "And I am burdened with glorious knowledge."

Gabriel's coffee was abruptly and painfully expelled through his nose, full bellied laughter filling the kitchen despite the sheer confusion on Castiel's face. _Burdened with what now?_   Dean flushed and pretty color, looking over at them bashfully-- Gabriel's amusement had him smiling coquettishly and Castiel's confusion left him feeling nothing but adoration.

After a moment, Gabriel calmed down enough to speak, seeing how lost Cas was. "It's from the Avengers... You know, the villain with the horns you thought was unfairly attractive."

Cas nodded, an inkling of understanding enough to take away his confusion. "Right... "

"Here," Dean murmured, biting back his own laughter, handing Gabriel one of the hand towels so that he could clean himself up. 

Nodding his thanks, Gabriel mopped up the spilt coffee, chuckling quietly all the while. A small smile curled Cas' lips, amused by his friends amusement.  Dean finished making their breakfast with practiced movements.  When it was all done, he served up their dishes, handing one to the each of them with a smile.

Mumbling his thanks, Castiel began eating, a little queasy despite how hungry he was, putting it down to the little voice that told him this might still be a part of his trip, that he could be imagining this. Gabriel glanced over when Cas shivered, but he didn't say anything, knowing it would take time to get him back to normal.

Dean sorted through the mail, leaning back against the counter across from them, picking idly at his own meal.  "Gabriel, I think this one's for you."  He muttered, holding out an official looking envelope.

Gabriel took it with no complaint, looking over the letter briefly and rolling his eyes. "If one more bank thanks me for my continued service, I'm going to turn all their money into mud."

"But then you'd be poor, and you wouldn't do well poor." Cas reminded.

"I could teach you how to be poor," Dean mumbled distractedly, brow furrowing faintly as he turned over the red envelope in his hand, nothing but his name on the front, a curious wrinkle forming just above his nose.  "It's not that hard."

"No thanks." Gabriel mumbled, skimming over his letter as Cas peered at the red envelope curiously.

Dean thumbed it open, humming around a mouthful of eggs as he slipped the card out carefully-- some Hallmark looking thing, with hearts all over it.  Absently, he opened it, eyes skimming over a poem that was printed in neat lettering; something he didn't recognize, hadn't ever seen before.  A frown marred his face, confusion and even a hint of concern. 

 

_I've tracked you down for many days;_

_I've followed you through alleyways._

_You haven't even seen me yet,_

_But when you do, you won't forget._

 

_I wanted you first at the store;_

_I saw you there five times before._

_And you were always all alone;_

_And now I want you for my own._

 

Setting his plate down, Cas narrowed his eyes at the card, a little concerned about the look on Dean's face, trading a glance with Gabriel though neither of then made to read it. "Everything alright?" Cas asked.

Dean swallowed thickly, glancing up with a sharp jerk of his head as he folded the card back and tucked it away again.  "Yeah, fine.  Just a uh... overzealous admirer.  Probably somebody from the bar-- probably Meg pulling my leg."

Dubious looks were exchanged, neither willing to push the matter considering the way Dean seemed to brush it off. "But you'd say if something was wrong?" Cas asked.

"Yeah," Dean shrugged, offering a lopsided grin.  "Of course."

It was enough to satisfy Castiel's curiosity, taking Gabriel's plate to the sink on unsteady legs.

"So," Dean mumbled around the lip of his mug.  "What're your guys' plans today?"

"I have a shift this afternoon. I think I'll have to cancel." Cas mumbled, the ache of his body fading at the painkillers kicked in.

"Another economics class I'm not going to." Gabriel replied, "Can't stand the damn subject."

Dean perked up slightly.  "So I've got the two of you to myself all day?"

"Guess so." Gabriel said, watching as Cas started at the dishes; he'd gotten quite good at the whole housekeeping thing under Dean's guidance.

A smile curled on Dean's lips, bright and warm.  Satisfied.  "Good.  I'm glad."

Cas let out a soft chuckle, looking over his shoulder to offer a tired smile to the both of them. "Any suggestions as to what we do." He asked, leaving plenty of room for interpretation.

Dean's smile turned devious, and he winked playfully over at him, far too used to the flirting by now.  "I can think of a few dozen things."

The chuckle Gabriel let out was low, and filled with promise. "Careful, don't tempt us." He said, most lighthearted as Cas turned to face them completely, sizing Dean up.

Laughing softly, Dean shook his head, and there was something so terribly self-deprecating about it.  "Not possible."

Cas' brows furrowed, catching the despondency almost immediately, casting a glance over at Gabriel, who seemed content to ignore it for now. "Must be hard, pretty thing like you would attract all kinds of attention."

Dean shrugged, face coloring a bit.  "Not really-- people don't tend to notice me much, to be honest."

"Really?" Cas asked, genuinely curious. "People don't know what they're looking at."

"They're just looking at me," Dean huffed out a laugh, finishing up a few more bites of his breakfast before he pushed his plate aside.  "Not a big deal.  Especially here.  San Diego is full of people who look like me."

Cas shook his head. "No one could be like you." He said, almost child like on his sincerity.

Gabriel rolled his eyes, mumbling about sappy shit as he padded out of the kitchen.

Smiling softly at him, Dean moved over to put his dishes in the sink, nudging into his side gently.  "Thanks, Cas."

"You're welcome." He replied, offering a warm little smile as he took Dean's dishes.

Placing a hand on his back, soft and right between his shoulders, he let his thumb brush back and forth gently.  "You think so highly of me.  You should know that I think the same about you.  You're pretty amazing, Cas."

Cas let out a little huff, smiling at him. "Flatterer." He said, deflecting the compliment.

"It's true."  Dean muttered, and he turned to face him fully, giving him a little grin.  "And you said you trusted me-- so you're gonna have to trust me on this too.  You're amazing."

Cas nodded reluctantly, knowing Dean opinion would probably change the closer they got. "I trust you."

"Good," Dean pat his shoulder, pulling away.  "When you're finished with those dishes, come sit on the couch so I can put fresh bandages on your foot."

Cas nodded, offering a soft little smile as he finished with the dishes, less achy, but unable to rid himself of the sinking suspicions he was still imagining all of this. Shaking his head, Castiel ambled out into the living room, settling next to Gabriel on the couch, ignoring the mindless reality TV he was so fond of.

Dean joined him not a moment later, first aide kit in hand, offering up a small smile as he settled on the ground by Castiel's feet.  He tapped at his ankle expectantly, and he had since pulled his glasses on so that he could get a good look at his foot while he was at it.

Gabriel cast a glance down at him, a soft snort of laughter leaving him. "Nice specs." He mumbled, shifting as Cas landed a jab at his ribs in reprimand, moving his foot obligingly.

Dean flushed, peering at him over the rim of them with a dry look as he started unraveling the old bandages.  "Don't start with me.  I've seen your footie pajamas."

"I like my onesie, thank you very much." Gabriel retorted, letting his head hang over the back of the couch. Cas rolled his eyes, shifting to watch Dean work, brows furrowed.

"I like my glasses," Dean murmured halfheartedly, squinting at the bottom of Castiel's foot, and ripping open an antiseptic wipe with his teeth before he set to cleaning the wound again, blowing to keep it from burning too much. 

Cas shifted uncomfortable, biting back a soft hiss as Dean cleaned his foot, the steady hand Gabriel placed on his shoulder a comfort.

"Easy," Dean glanced up, offering a small smile.  "Almost done."

It was much deeper than he'd expected, and Castiel cursed himself for being so stupid. Gabriel squeezed at his shoulder. "Don't get like that, Cas." He said quietly, giving him a pointed look.

Smearing some Neosporin over the small gash, Dean squeezed at his heel gently, placing a fresh piece of gauze over it and pressing with a sympathetic wince.  "Everybody steps on broken glass sometime."

Cas gave a hollow little chuckle. "Better than last time, huh?" He mumbled, looking over at Gabriel.

"Much better than last time."

Dean met his gaze, brow furrowed, holding tight to his foot.  "What happened last time?"

A tight smile pulled Cas' lips, almost tired as he spoke. "I was convinced I had wings and could fly. Gabriel had to talk me off the roof."

"You'd look good with wings."

Cas gave him a dry look. "It appears they've been clipped."

Dean shrugged a single shoulder, smoothing out the bandage over his foot.  "You'd still look good with them.  Like a uh... Like a warrior of Heaven."  Dean glanced up, catching their raised brows, biting back another blush as he cleared his throat.  "...Or something."

"I'll keep that in mind next Halloween." Cas said, offering a little smile as Gabriel rolled his eyes.

Dean smiled up at them, patting his foot and taking his glasses off as he finished.  "I can't tell you the last time I was something normal for Halloween.  I'm always having to dress up for work."

"Really?" Cas asked, moving his leg away, leaning in a little to talk to him.

"Yeah," he snorted, obviously not bothered enough to be ashamed of it.  "It's always leather and something, or-- Jesus, there was this one place when I was nineteen that made me dress up like a goddamn French maid.  Pantyhose, heels.  It was ridiculous."

That drew their attentions, near identical gazes pinning him, a wicked look on Gabriel's face. "You don't say."

Dean chuckled, nodding.  This was work.  Shop talk.  Their interest wasn't anything he hadn't dealt with before.  "Yeah.  French maid, bitch boy, bad boy-- there was something with cat ears once.  No idea what that was about.  I think I still have the collar.  It's got a little bell on it."

Gabriel hummed, impressed. "Don't happen to have photos?" He asked, getting a thud in the chest from a slightly miffed Cas.

"Perv."

Dean rolled his eyes fondly.  "Not exactly."

Gabriel shrugged, eyes a little glassy as he took in the images painted for him. Cas rolled his eyes, patting the pace next to him as indication for Dean to sit. "I'm sure he can imagine."

"Already there."

Laughing, Dean slid into the spot next to him, relaxing back against the couch.  "Mind out of the gutter, Gabriel.  Can't have you getting a stiffy in the middle of the living room."  He joked, figuring that kidding was exactly what the two of them were doing.

"Living rooms seen worse, right Cas?" Gabriel mumbled, a lazy little smirk on his face as Cas gave a little shrug.

"Once or twice."

Shaking his head, Dean nudged into Castiel's side, and then didn't move back away.  "I don't know how I wound up with you two."

"Cheap accommodation." Gabriel mumbled, hand still rested on Cas' shoulder.

"Ah, right."  Dean nodded, eyes straying to the TV.  "Bravo channel, Gabriel?  We talked about this."

"Reality makes me laugh, don't judge." He said, earning an eye roll from Castiel, nuzzling closer to Dean, no reservations about getting close.

"It's a train wreck."  Dean scoffed, shifting to accommodate Castiel.

"That's why I laugh." Gabriel reasoned, moving as Cas curled up over them, feet comfortably resting in Gabriel's lap.

Dean snorted.  "Priorities, Gabriel."

"I got 'em sorted." Gabriel insisted, shifting under Cas' feet to stretch out.

"I suppose all that matters is that you believe that."  Dean said mildly, arms draping over the back of the couch.

The shift of Dean's arms left Cas with little alternative but to rest his head against his chest, the heavy thud of his heart next to his ear.  "That's the funny thing about belief. Makes you feel justified."

Dean smiled, and he had to resist the urge to place a kiss to the top of his head like he had the day previous when he was coaxing Castiel into a calm.  "You trying to give me a life lesson, Cas?"

"Merely an observation." Cas replied, looking up at him briefly, a contented little shiver running through him as Gabriel took to rubbing over his leg. 

"Watch his foot," Dean muttered over to him halfheartedly, knowing it was a silly worry, that Gabriel wouldn't hurt Cas.

"I know." Gabriel said, a little smile on his face when he registered Dean's concern.

Dean returned it before glancing down at Cas, and he let his hand hover before he started stroking through again.  "How're you feeling?"

"Better." Cas said, unwilling to tell them about the doubt he harbored.

"That's good," Dean hummed, nails scratching lightly.  "Do you need anything?"

The low rumble Cas gave almost passed as a purr, eyes fluttering shut. Gabriel chuckled, looking down at him. "Now you've done it. You found the off button."

Dean's hand flexed in his hair, confusion flitting over his face.  "You okay, Cas?"

Cas let out a half garbled reply, nuzzling into his chest, far too distracted by the hand in his hair to do much else.

"He's fine," Gabriel informed, "Just a little out of it."

Dean glanced over at him.  "But the scratching is good?"

"Yeah. Careful, last time I did that for too long he popped a boner."

"If it happens, you'll have an excuse to think about that maid outfit."  Dean teased lightheartedly, tone derisive, dubious that the thought was appealing at all as he let his nails drag over a spot just above Cas' ear.

Cas let out a low whine, shifting against him, a contented look on his face. "I think he likes you,” Gabriel chuckled, rubbing at his knee.

"He's not a dog, Gabriel."  Dean chided, continuing the idle motion, Castiel's hair carding through his fingers as he worked over his scalp, and his voice softened considerably, eyes staring to the TV.  "I'd like to think that both of you like me."

They didn't make eye contact, though Cas let out a little rumble, vaguely aware of what was going on as he shifted against Dean. "We like you." He slurred, eyes half lidded as he leant up into his hand.

Dean smiled down at him, fingers straying to the base of his skull and then dragging up slow.  "Do you?"

Cas nodded feebly, pushing up against his hand, going lax against him. "Particularly now." He mumbled, hardly in the mood to deal with Gabriel's laughter.

"He's got a point."

Dean glanced over at Gabriel curiously.  "Does he, now?"

He nodded, not looking away from the television lest Dean see the softening of his expression. "Yeah. He does."

Dean stared at him for a long, lingering moment, smiling.  "I like you too.  I think that's kind of a given."

"We know." Cas mumbled, thoroughly blissed out, and a little loose lipped. "We like you quite a lot."

"Cas!" Gabriel snapped, faint warning in his tone.

"Shush, you like him as much as I do."

Dean flushed slightly, but he didn't stop scratching at Castiel's scalp and he didn't pull away.  His heart stammered in his chest, and he shifted slightly, the implication that must've been wrong, had to be wrong, making his stomach do a little flop.  "And how much is that?"

Gabriel glanced over at him, letting out a soft sigh of resignation. "Quite a bit." He admitted, shifting uncomfortable even as Cas rubbed a clumsy hand over his.

"Ah," Dean nodded, seemingly resigned, fingers carding through Castiel's hair until it stood on end.  "I understand."

"Do you?" Cas mumbled, a little rumble leaving him as he nuzzled into Dean's hand.

He shrugged, tugging gently at his hair.  "Yeah.  I mean, I'm pretty sure."

Gabriel looked over at him, gaze softer than it was usually. "Really? You don't think its a little weird?"

"Why would you guys liking me be weird?"  He asked, sort of slow, a bit confused as he scratched a spot along the top of Castiel's head, brow furrowing slightly. 

Cas' breathing hitched, shifting against them, gripping lazily at Gabriel's hand, anchoring him. "Some people turn up their noses. You also being a guy and all... Just checking. I've been hot one too many times for making assumptions."

Dean nearly swallowed his own tongue, hand stilling in Castiel's hair, and he glanced over at Gabriel with wide eyes.  "You-- Oh.  You meant-- Oh."

"Yeah..." Gabriel mumbled, shifting away, kicking himself for even bringing it up. "Never mind."

Dean tensed, sitting up a bit straighter, protest on his features.  "That's not-- I don't mind, I just didn't think-- Really?"

"Really." Cas mumbled, shifting as Dean moved, raising his head in complaint when Dean hand moved.

Dean swallowed thickly, and there was a pervasive blush at his cheeks.  "I thought-- I thought you guys were just, you know, messing around."

"I told you. I don't joke about these things." Cas mumbled.

"And I'm not that much of a dick." Gabriel said.

"Oh," he repeated, fingers picking back up with their gentle card through Castiel's hair, glancing back to the TV.

Letting out a soft sigh, Cas leant back against him, shifting as he squeezed at Gabriel's hand, tugging him back in.

Dean inhaled deeply, reluctant and recalcitrant, voice soft when he finally spoke again, three commercials later.  "I don't mind that either.  I just... it's probably not a good idea."

Cas raised his head, frowning at him. "Why not?"

"It's just not," he said, eyes not straying from the TV.  "I'm not-- it's just a bad idea."

"I don't think its a bad idea." Cas said, staring up at him.

"You never think things are bad until you're neck deep in shit, Cas." Gabriel reminded. "If he doesn't want to, we leave him be."

"I never said that," Dean muttered, glancing Gabriel's way, clearing his throat slightly.  "But that doesn't change the fact that we're roommates.  That I really like the both of you.  That I really don't think that-- I think that it's a bad idea because if things go south, I'm out a place to live."

Gabriel nodded before Cas could say anything, almost thankful Dean resisted, unwilling to put himself on the line either. "The we won't talk about it. Case closed."

Dean nodded, slow and grateful, but almost disappointed as he went back to combing through the thick of Castiel's hair.  "Okay.  Case closed."

Cas glared up at Gabriel, disappointed he'd missed his chance, butting up against Dean's hand. "If you're sure that's what you want."

"It is."

Cas nodded reluctantly, disappointed as he leant against him. Gabriel shifted further away, pulling his hand from Cas' and getting to his feet.

"Anyway... I gotta go... Stuff to do." Gabriel mumbled, not looking back as he left, all kinds of torn up. Part of him wanted to just crawl back to them, but he knew that would surely end in broken hearts all around.

Dean frowned, watching him go, hands gentle in Castiel's hair.

Cas let out a soft sigh, making a mental reminder to talk to Gabriel later. "He'll come back... He's very good at running away."

"He shouldn't feel the need to."

"I know. But he always does."

Dean nodded, letting out a soft sigh, shifting uneasily beneath him.  "Do you?  Feel the need to run?  Because I can leave-- you need the rest."

Cas shook his head, pressing in a little closer. "I like your company."

"I know," he smiled down at him.  "I know that now anyways.  I'm glad you do.  I-- I like yours too."

Cas smiled at him, almost adoring. "So, maybe you'd reconsider?"

Dean's fingers slowed, nearly stopped, and then twisted around long strands.  "Cas, I-- I don't think you understand why it's so important that we...  I'm not someone who you have that kind of relationship with."

"Why do you think there's something wrong with you?" Cas asked, head tilting ever so slightly.

"That's-- that's a long story, Cas."

"I have plenty of time, if you'll tell me?" Cas offered, nudging his nose at the middle of Dean's chest.

Dean grimaced-- and though this--holding Cas, being held by him and often by Gabriel too-- was familiar and comfortable, though he felt safe, there was still a wariness to him.  "I don't really want to.  Not now."

Castiel nodded, understanding his need for privacy. "Then you don't have to. But if you ever do, I'm all ears."

"Thank you," he said, fingers brushing through.  "Can I ask you something though?"

His eyes fluttered shut, at ease against him. "'Course."

"... why would either of you be interested in me?  In that way, anyways."

His eyes opened again, thinking his question through carefully. "Why not? We're attracted to you, you're attracted to us. It's simply, really."

"Sex doesn't equal a--" Dean let out a long breath.  "Is that what you want?  Sex?"

Cas raised his head, confused as to where Dean made that leap from. "Not at all... I mean, it might happen... But no, that's not what I want at all. What made you think that?"

"Attraction doesn't mean feelings, Cas."  And his expression was so sad, so haunted, that Cas just wanted to kiss it better.

Curling a little closer, protective of him, Cas tilted his head. "In this case it does."

Dean let out a soft sound, reaching over to cup his jaw, the scruff there scratching just right.  "You really shouldn't, Cas."

Leaning against his hand, Castiel stared up at him, a sad little frown on his face. "Are you afraid of us?"

"I'm afraid of a lot of things," Dean admitted softly, letting his hand drop, glancing away.

Cas nodded, shifting against him. "Would you like me to go?" He asked, tracing carefully over his collar bone.

Dean shook his head, voice soft, hardly more than a whisper.  "No."

Reaching out, he let his fingertips brush Dean's cheek, "Do you need anything?"

Dean leaned into it, jaw pressing into his palm.  His eyes fluttered shut, lips parting slightly as he savored the touch.  There was a long moment where they just sat there, Castiel's thumb brushing the high line of his cheekbone.

"I should be asking you that," he mumbled, peering over at him, expression unguarded, features soft.

"I'm alright." Cas insisted, finding the expression on his face utterly endearing.

Meeting his gaze carefully, he let a hand just brush some of the hair away from Castiel's forehead.  "You sure?"

Cas nodded, confident he was no longer dreaming. "I'll be back to normal in a few days."

"That's good," Dean smiled at him, and he didn't pull his hand away, and he didn't pull his face from his hand.  "If you need help or anything, you know you can ask me.  If you need anything, Cas."

Rubbing slowly over the ridge of his cheek, Cas nuzzled into Dean's hand. "I know. I just rarely need things."

"If you want anything, then."

He hesitated for a moment, staring up at him. "Would you let me kiss you again?" Cas asked, tone soft, and almost vulnerable.

Dean's breath caught, and he knew he should say no.  Knew he should pull away, leave him be, get some space.  "Yes."

Carefully, Cas leant up further, moving his hand to cup his jaw, pressing their lips together as gently as he could, giving Dean opportunity to back out if he wanted to.  Dean hesitated, letting out a soft breath, and when Cas pulled back just enough to gauge his reaction, Dean closed the area between them more firmly.

A soft hum left Castiel, pressing up against him as their lips slanted together, a thrill running through him.  Mewling faintly, the hand at Castiel's cheek shifted and tangled into Castiel's hair as he pressed in close.  Curling an arm around his waist, Cas kept him close, rubbing at his hip slowly.  Dean’s lips parted, mouth warm and inviting, and he caught one of Castiel's hands in his as their tongues met in a slow dance.

Cas squeezed at the hand in his almost immediately, pulling back to take a breath, shifting to climb into his lap.  Dean stared up at him, eyes searching for a lingering second before he surged up and caught his lips again, slow and easy.  Breathing out a soft moan, Cas settled his arms around Dean's neck, comfortably seated in his lap.

Swallowing it down, Dean let his tongue flick out over the roof of Castiel's mouth, wanting to coax another as they kissed.  The sound Cas gave was almost a whine, arching into him, unable to help the slow roll his hips gave, fluid and far more flexible than he looked.  Sucking in a sharp breath, Dean's mouth jerked away from his, lips shiny and eyes wide.  Searching over Cas' face, Dean cleared his throat, that flush returning.  That guarded expression.  Cupping his jaw, Dean looked apologetic, thumb brushing over his cheek.

"I--" His voice broke, and he swallowed the tightness.  "I really don't think this is a good idea, Cas."

He moved back a little, though he didn't make any indication of wanting to get out of his lap. "Don't you?" He asked, head tilted a little as he peered at him, a little disappointed.

Dean shook his head, grip tightening at his hip, but his words contradicted him.  "You're really settling for less here."

"But this isn't about what happens to me, this is about you." Cas said, "And I don't think I could do much better."

"Cas," he muttered, voice hushed.  "Cas, this is about you too.  This isn't-- Cas, you don't want me."

"Yes I do." Cas said, unwaveringly confident in his affections.

His jaw flexed, and his gaze darted down to his mouth again.  "No, you don't."

He let out a long sigh, brushing a hand through his hair. "If you want me to leave you alone, I will."

"No," he breathed, features twisting into something almost pained.  "I-- We shouldn't-- I should, um...  I should--"

"You should?" He prompted, rubbing at his cheek gently.

"I should," he nodded, and then he was leaning in to kiss him again, pressing their lips together firmly.

_You really should_ , Cas thought, shifting to get a better angle at his lips.

He inhaled deeply, lips parting Castiel's, tongue flicking out.  A soft whine left him, shifting against Dean’s slowly, almost tentative.  Dean tugged him closer, lips pressing to his firmly, needily.  Flicking his tongue at the seam of Dean's lips, Cas shifted against him again, gripping a hand restlessly at his shoulder.

Lips parting, Dean keened, body rolling up helplessly beneath him.  His fingers slipped up beneath the hem of Casitel’s shirt, fingers splaying over his lower back. It was enough encouragement for Cas to rut down against him, spine curving easily.

Dean pulled back with a gasp, staring up at him with wide eyes even as their hips met again, coaxing a soft sound out of him.  "Cas, we-- What the hell are we doing?"

"Making out." He replied bluntly, gripping at his shoulder to keep him from freaking out too much.

Dean gave him a stern look, but his lips were still red and wonderfully kissable.  "Castiel."

"What?"

Taking a long, deep breath, he closed his eyes as he slipped his hand back out from beneath his shirt, tapping at his legs.  "Come on.  Get off.  We can't do this."

Cas couldn't hide his disappointment, climbing out of Dean's lap to stand before him, a soft pout on his face. Maybe he shouldn't have been so forward. "I'm sorry.... I should have left you alone "

"No, it--" Dean buried his face in his hand, looking too tired, too old for how young he actually was.  "I'm not saying that I don't, okay?  I'm saying that _you_ don't.  That you _shouldn't_ , okay?  I have way too much baggage, Cas, stuff that you--" his voice cracked and he stood tiredly, looking dogged, expression shuttering.  "You can't want me.  Not like that.  It's just better if you don't."

Cas' expression softened, sitting next to him, unsure of what to say, of how best to convince him that all the baggage in the world wouldn't have driven him away. "I don't care. I know what I want, and if it comes with a little extra baggage, I can deal with that."

"I don't want you to have to deal with it," Dean told him, giving him a small smile, and he placed a reluctant hand at his shoulder, squeezing gently.  "I think I'm gonna head out, go for a run.  I'll be back later, though, okay?  And I'll have my phone if you need anything.  I just... I need air."

Cas nodded, lowering his head to press a gentle kiss to the first joint of the fingers Dean had rested on his shoulder. "Be careful."

Dean's eyes tracked the movement, expression soft, "I will be."

Cas watched him go, a soft, if slightly sad smile on his face, not quite willing to give up on him yet. There had to be a way to convince Dean that he wasn't as broken as he thought he was.


	4. Covet My Eyes (Take What You Need)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: brief mentions of sexual abuse, adult content, adult language, sexual content

"Dean Michael Winchester, go _home_!"  Meg hissed at him, waking him from where he'd nodded off on the couch in the employee lounge. 

He startled, jolting awake sharply with a soft gasp.  Blinking rapidly, he glanced over at where Meg was standing, arms as crossed as her expression, glaring at him from the doorway.  Dean shifted, sitting up straighter, clearing his throat.

"Sorry," he mumbled, scrubbing a hand through his hair.  "Sorry, I'll get right back on the--"

" _Dean_ ," she rolled her eyes, strutting over to him and tugging him up by the collar of his shirt.  "Go home.  Get some sleep.  You've been hounding yourself like a damn dog.  Go home, cuddle up with your roommates--" Dean flushed at the implication, though they both knew it was true, Dean had been the one who had candidly told her about their snuggle sessions two weeks back.  "--and get some fucking rest."

"Benny will--"

" _Benny_ would tell you the same fucking thing," Meg groused, smoothing out the material of his shirt.  "And he'd give you fresh baked cookies to boot."

Dean let out a long sigh, "Meg, I--"

"Just go home."  She said, voice softer and almost pleading.  "I've got it here.  It's Thursday.  There's _no one_.  You've been stressed and working extra hours all week.  Please, go home."

Seeing the concern lace her expression was what killed it for him.  He nodded, albeit reluctantly, and she beamed up at him.  Leaning up, she pecked him on the cheek, leaving a smear of red there before smacking him soundly on the ass.

"That's my boy," she chuckled as he jumped slightly, blushing.  "Drive save."

Dean grumbled to himself as she walked away, and he shrugged into his jacket with a jerk.  Huffing out a breath, he checked his watch, wondering if Cas or Gabriel would be awake at three in the morning.  He sort of wanted them to be, but then again, he was torn on that subject too.

If he was being honest, he'd been avoiding them for the most of the week.  Since their untoward confessions.  Since Castiel's and his impromptu make-out session afterwards.  He hadn't been doing it on purpose.  He hadn't been scheduling things around them, but he certainly hadn't been making the time for them.  Castiel seemed to be the only to notice, though.

And he also seemed to be the one who was the more pervasive of the two.  At least, that was what Dean thought-- with the lingering touches, the almost intimate placement of each.  The fingers at the nape of his neck, getting in too close, hands on his hips as he washed dishes or cooked, unabashed looks of interest when Dean emerged from his room without a shirt on or from the bathroom in a towel.  It was driving Dean crazy, and not in a bad way.  Not exactly good, because he didn't think it was smart, starting something with either of them, but not bad.  Because as much as he didn't think he deserved them, he _wanted_.  And he wasn't going to deny himself simple touches if that was all he was going to end up getting in the long run.

He said his goodbyes with a silent wave, and Meg waved back enthusiastically as he left through the front of the bar.  It was still dark out, even in the early morning, but the sun would begin its rise in an hour or two.  He headed down the street, hands tucked into the warmth of his leather pockets, only stopping once he'd come upon the Impala.  He was about to climb in, start her up, and take off home when the red envelope caught his attention.

Glancing about nervously, Dean shuffled closer to the windshield, and plucked up the card hesitantly.  He flipped it over in his hands curiously, the color striking and familiar.  Like blood.

An eerie chill ran up his spine, and he shook it off with a shiver.  Getting into the car, he turned over the engine and pulled out of his parking space, headed for home.  If he felt eyes on him, he wouldn't admit it.  And if the sight of the card had momentarily struck fear in him, he wouldn't admit that either.

The drive home was otherwise uneventful.  When he rode the elevator up, card tucked away into his pocket, he heard his phone give a little chirp.  Slipping it out, he checked to see that he'd gotten a text message from Sam.  Sammy had been keeping him up to date on everything recently.  He'd apparently made a move on Jesse, and she had been extremely receptive.  Dean couldn't help but be proud of his baby brother-- Jesse sounded like a real steal.  Smiling, he tucked his phone back away, and stepped out of the elevator as it chimed for his floor. 

The flat was fairly quiet when Dean walked in, but there was the distinct hum of a TV as he toed off his shoes and shrugged out of his jacket, calling softly into the living room.  "Hey, I'm back.  Anybody up?"

Gabriel stuck his head out from the kitchen when he heard Dean's voice, feet comfortably bundled up in fuzzy red slippers.  "Hey." He mumbled, offering a tight smile, friendly, but no where near as affectionate as usual. Just friends suited him just fine, no precarious strings and attachments to wrangle with when things get messy.

"Hey," he whispered back, giving a weak grin.  Gabriel had been so cold with him recently.  "How was your night?"

"I'm still alive." He said, a dry smile on his face. "And the city isn't on fire."

"That's always a good sign," Dean mumbled, meandering over, his jacket slung over his forearm as he placed keys on the ring at their shared board.

"Generally, yeah." Gabriel retorted, a soft snort of hollow laughter leaving him. "Yours?"

"Work-like," Dean shrugged, and the movement jostled his jacket just enough to knock the letter free, and it fell to the floor between them.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow at the envelope. "Love letter again?" He asked, mostly joking.

Dean swallowed thickly, forced a laugh, and dipped down to pluck it up.  "Yeah, looks like it."

"Not too invasive, are they?" Gabriel asked, concern so carefully hidden even Cas would have missed it.

"Not that I'm aware," he shrugged, fingering at the letter.  "This is only the second one, and I'm pretty sure it's Meg's idea of a joke."

"I would have put itching powder in the envelop if I was her." Gabriel mumbled. "She a friend of yours?"

"Meg?  Yeah," he smiled with a faint shrug.  "Has been since I moved here anyway.  Crazy girl, but nice in her own way."

Gabriel nodded, sipping idly from a mug. "I know the type."

"You'd like her, I think."  He said, leaning there, fingers toying with edge of the envelope.  "I could bring her over?  For dinner sometime?"

Gabriel shrugged. "If you'd like." He said, shifting a little, not sure if he liked how comfortable they were, trying to keep him at arms length.

"I would," he nodded, smiling.  "I could make orzo salad-- the one with the cranberries?  And rosemary turkey burgers."

"I think I'd put up with a guest just for the food." He chuckled.

Dean's smile broadened.  "I'll make anything you like, Gabriel.  All you need to do is ask."

The smile on his face receded a little, deciding that was a little too friendly. "Yeah. I'll keep that in mind."

Dean's expression shuttered.  "Right.  I'll just-- I'm going to bed."

"Yeah. Sleep well." Gabriel mumbled, leaning against the counter, mentally kicking himself for saying anything in the first place.

* * *

Castiel stirred against the plush pillows he insisted on sleeping with, warm and comfortable save for the fuzzy feeling in his head. Crinkling his nose, he raised his head at the sound of footsteps outside his door, yawning softly as he sat up, having the decency to pull on a robe as he ambled outside, dishevelled from sleep. Peering at the calendar on the wall, Gabriel early awakening made much more sense, offering a sleep addled smile to his friend, taking the coffee passed to him gratefully.

It took the both of them a few minutes of comfortable silence to begin anything close to verbal communication; even half asleep, Cas could see the tension radiating from Gabriel.

"Early shift?" He asked, earning only a shrug, seeing right through the defensive shell Gabriel retracted into.

"Just want to get going. Beat the traffic."

Cas almost brought up the plain fact that the bakery Gabriel worked at was only two blocks away, but bit down the urge in favour of a less invasive approach.

"You'll be home before dark? Dean mentioned some cheesy horror film you might be interest in."

Gabriel tensed momentarily, shaking his head stiffly at the suggestion he spend too much time with Dean, lest he get too attached. "Maybe, don't hold your breath." He said, finishing his coffee and walking out of the kitchen.

"What about breakfast?" Cas asked, following him to the door. All he got was a tight smile and a less that politely shut door in his face. Huffing out a sigh, Cas rubbed at the bridge of his nose. This shouldn't be so complicated.

The sound of Dean's door opening caught his attention, and he turned around to see him there, hair sticking up at odd angles as he scratched at his stomach idly, tan skin peeking out from beneath an endearingly overwhelming blue t-shirt, too big for Dean and spackled with paint and embolded with a worn Captain America logo.  He blinked tiredly, yawning, and it looked like he'd had a fairly fitful night's sleep if the dark crescents under his eyes were anything to go by.  There was a drowsy smile on his face though, as he caught Castiel's gaze, and he padded into the room sleepily.

"Hey," he mumbled in greeting, yawning again.  "How long have you been up?"

"Not long." Cas replied, shuffling back into the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Please," he breathed, following after him with languid, early morning movements.

Cas watched the way Dean moved for a moment before he poured him a cup of coffee, a little smile on his face, handing the mug over. "How did you sleep?"

He gave him a dry look over the rim of his cup, wincing at the acrid heat of it on his tongue, so used to adding milk and sugar beforehand but too tired to bother with it at the moment.  "Not bad.  Not well."

Noting his wince, Cas took the coffee mug from him, adding the appropriate amount of milk and sugar for him and handing it back. His brow furrowed in concern, and part of him wanted to just reach out and hold him until his bad dream went away.

Dean smiled softly, almost adoringly, as he leaned back against the countertop, mug cupped carefully in his palms.  "Thanks."

"Welcome." Cas said, returning to his coffee silence settling in. After a moment, he cleared his throat, looking up at him from the rim of his mug. "Have you got a shift today?"

"Nope," he huffed with a shake of his head.  "Benny booted me this Friday, since he's out of town, and he doesn't trust Dick to keep-- Um, to keep the patrons at bay."

Cas nodded, unable to help the little thrill that went though him. "Guess it's just us then." He said, "Gabriel's working."

Dean flushed, head tilting as he gave him a small smile.  "Cas," he chided softly.

"What?" He asked, feigning innocence.

Rolling his eyes, he took another sip of his coffee, humming his content at the perfect balance to it.  "What do you _actually_ want to do?  Because I'd be happy to curl up on the couch and read for a few hours."

Cas nodded his agreement. "If you'd like." He said, having since grown quite fond of reading with him.

Dean smiled, nodded, and pushed off the counter.  "I'll go get my glasses.  Grab me _Orientation_?  I was in the middle of one of Orozco's short stories."

Cas nodded, pushing off the counter, coffee in hand as he went to retrieve Dean's book, idly thumbing over the spines of their books until he found the correct volume. Wandering back to the couch, he settled down onto it, folding his robe to avoid giving Dean an eyeful.  Dean came and settled across from him with a smile, legs outstretched so that their feet touched, glasses sitting perfectly on his nose as he reached out for his book. 

Handing it over with no complaints, Cas sat with him, idly sipping his coffee as he stared over at him, still warm from sleep. They sat there together for what seemed like a good hour or so.  Dean flipped idly through his book, reading contentedly, thumbing through with ease.  He let out the occasional hum, appreciative or inquisitive, and tilted his head to the right as he skimmed over words he didn't quite recognize.  Their coffees had since been emptied, and Dean only peered up from _Orientation_ when he heard the distinct rumble of a stomach.

"Hungry?"

Watching Dean read had quickly become one of his favorite pastimes, the little movements of his head, and the way his brow furrowed on occasion was unbearably endearing. Breaking out of his focus, Cas nodded, offering a soft little smile to him. "A little, yeah."

"What would you like?"

He hummed softly in contemplation, staring over at him. "Food." He deadpanned, a little glint in his eyes.

Dean nudged at his ankle with his toes, even as a faint blush burned at his cheeks.  "Cas.  What kind, doofus?”

Chuckling softly, he stood up, linking his fingers behind his back and stretching out, spine cracking. "Would you hit me if I said the edible kind?"

Dean's eyes strayed to the revealed skin of Castiel's chest as his robe slipped open slightly, and they darted back up quickly as he stood, offering a tight, almost embarrassed smile as he started towards the kitchen.  "Specify what you want, or I'll just make my favorite."

"Whatever you'd like." Cas said, feeling Dean's gaze on him, a smug little grin on his face as he cast a glance back, walking into the kitchen with a distinct swing of his hips.

Dean kept his eyes up as he followed him, passing by and opening the fridge, shoving his glasses further up his face as he peered in and tugged out a carton of eggs.  "Get the tortillas, then."

Tightening the tie on his robe, Cas nodded, rummaging through the cabinet and pulling out a packet of tortillas, handing it to him.

"Thanks," he muttered, almost distracted as he situated the pans on the stove, cracking eggs into one of the skillets and breaking the yolks to scramble them. 

"Welcome." Cas mumbled, watching him work with odd intensity, the flex of his arms and the subtle way his back moved, shuffling a little closer before he could stop himself, watching over his shoulder.

The spatula in his hand faltered for a moment as hands landed at his hips, and he let out a little breath.  "Cas."

Humming softly in response, Cas let his chin rest comfortably on Dean's shoulder. "Problem, Dean?"

There was a long pause, and then he was shuffling the eggs about again, letting himself relax under his touch.  He didn't want to have to keep fighting something he wanted so much.  And Castiel touching him would be the death of him.  "No."

"Good." Cas purred, leaning further against him, far too close to be passed off for friendly affection any longer, stroking idly over his hip.

Dean shivered, eyes fluttering shut as Castiel's chest pressed flush to his back.  The spatula kept moving idly, slowing to time up with the gentle brush of fingers just above the waistband of his pajama pants.  Unable to resist, Cas leant in, pressing his lips to the skin just below Dean's ear, tongue flicking out to see if it he tasted as good as he looked.

The breath that escaped Dean was something that was delightfully mixed with a whine, fingers tightening around the handle of the skillet, and his jaw flexed briefly.  He didn't tilt his head to give him more room, but he didn't pull away. 

"Cas," he whispered again.

"Yeah?" He asked, lips brushing the side of his neck as they dragged down over his jaw.

"We shouldn't--" he sucked in a sharp gasp, lips parting, and he shuddered against him.  "I'll burn the eggs."

Cas wanted to tell him to forget about the eggs, but his stomach growed in protest. "Fine." He agreed, pulling away to linger next to him.

He finished them up fairly quickly-- seasoning them and adding cheese and a few peppers-- before he turned the burner off and heated up two tortillas on their flat pan.  He focused solely on the food, eyes not leaving the skillets as he worked.  Once the foot was all ready, he made them up two plates, turning to Castiel to give him his.  Their gazes caught and locked, and Dean swallowed thickly. 

"Breakfast is served."  He muttered awkwardly.

Cas offered him a smile, off kilter and charming as he took his plate, sitting up on the bench, plate rested on his thighs as he ate.  There seemed to be a permanent blush on Dean's face as he piled eggs into his tortilla, wrapping it up and taking a bite as he leaned back against the countertop next to the stove as he ate.

Chuckling softly, Cas glanced up at him, the blush painting Dean's cheeks all kinds of pretty endearing in the best of ways. Licking the last of his breakfast off the tip of his fore finger, Cas set his plate aside, watching Dean intently, unable to hide the desire stirring in him.

"You should stop looking at me like that," Dean muttered, managing to finish off a could three-quarters of his burrito before he set his plate aside, meeting his gaze carefully.

"How come?" Cas asked, only staring harder.

Dean felt something warm unfurl in him, and he shifted from foot to foot, tone dry.  "Because it looks like you want to eat me."

"And if I do?"

That blush burned brighter, and Dean's jaw flexed again.  "It's bad.  Because I really want you to."

"Then I'm not seeing an issue here," Cas said, all but prowling towards him, mere inches away. "You want to" He added, bracketing him in as he closed the space between them for a brief, but heated moment, "I want to."

"You're not gonna stop, are you?"  He whispered, voice wavering, bracing himself back against the counter, trying to keep himself from reaching out and taking.  "Not unless I tell you to back off.  You won't stop."

"Would you like me to back off?" Cas asked, voice low, and a little breathy. "Because I can, if you'd like."

Dean hesitated, shifted, and their chests brushed.  Eyes flitting up to meet his, Dean shook his head slowly, breathing shallowly.  "No."

A smile curved his lips, more wanton than it was pleased, tilting his head to kiss him, slow and deep.  Their tongues met, and Dean could still taste the tang of coffee in Castiel's mouth.  His hands came up, curling into the collar of his robe to hold him close, head canting so that it could deepen even further.  A low hum left him, deep and satisfied; Cas curled an arm around his waist, holding him in place.

Their lips broke apart long enough for Dean to take a breath, and then he was closing the space again.  His hands drifted up, curling at the back of Castiel's neck, and their mouths fit so well together as their bodies pressed firmly.  Dean felt something warm and wanting unfurl in him, something he'd stamped down before.  Something he didn't want to keep ignoring, not with Castiel, not anymore. 

He'd grown to care about the both of them so much.  Too much.  It was terrifying, how much he adored them.  How much he'd grown attached to them.  They were his support, his friends, and he wanted them-- and that was scary and so, so wrong. 

Whining faintly, Dean pressed in closer, as if afraid that if he stopped Castiel would push him away the way Gabriel had been.  He didn't want to lose them.  Cas could feel the trickle of fear Dean felt in the way he pulled him closer.

Groping blinding for one of Dean's hands, he laced their fingers together, squeezing in gentle reassurance as he pulled back, offering a warm smile. "Y'know, I could do this all day."

Dean met his gaze with wide eyes, vaguely dazed.  "Do what?  Kiss me?"

"Anything. Kiss you. Touch you." Cas purred, nudging gently at his nose, affectionate and adoring.

"I don't understand why you--" he cut himself off, fingers squeezing tentatively at Castiel's.  "Kiss me, then.  Touch me."

Pressing another kiss to his lips, Cas tightened his hold around Dean's waist, stroking his thumb over his hand. "Understand that I want you, and that I think you're beautiful, and that there's no issue with wanting this."

Dean sucked in a tight breath, protest on his lips, and he leaned in to kiss him instead.  He didn't want to think about wanting him.  Didn't want to think about Cas finding him beautiful.  Didn't want to think about whether or not he deserved Castiel when he wanted him so much.

Sliding his hand up the hem of Dean's shirt, he licked over the seam of his lips, steady and sensual.  They parted welcomingly, spine arching under his touch, and Dean pressed impossibly close.  Tracing out each individual nub of his spine, Castiel untangled their hands in favour of rubbing down the length of his chest.

Dean arched into the touch, mouth occupied with Castiel's.  The hand at the back of his neck slipped up, sank into his hair, and tangled there as the rough more-than-five o'clock shadow burned perfectly at his chin, at one of his cheeks.  His other hand clutched at the fabric of Castiel's sleeve as a sure stroke of Cas' tongue coaxed a whimper out of him.

A low groan left him as fingers tangled into his hair, deep and satisfied, the tie on his robe loosening as they moved against each other. Pulling back, eyes dark and lust hazed, Cas lowered his head, mouthing down Dean's neck.  Dean's head lulled back, canted to the side, a heady moan falling over spit-slick lips as he clung to him.  His gaze fluttered and fell shut, and he gasped as lips grazed a spot between his throat and his shoulder, right above his collarbone that had heat unfurling over his skin like red, red flowers blooming under his attention.

Cas paused over his skin, glancing up with a distinct sense of pride, sucking gently just over his collarbone.  Breathing out a moan, Dean shuddered, body going lax against his, and his nails scratched over Castiel’s scalp.  The nails against his head drew a low growl out of him, slipping a thigh between Dean's.

Dean's reaction was immediate, hips lurching forward, and he keened as his cock twitched beneath his pants.  Raising his head, Castiel dropped a hand to palm at Dean's erection, sealing their lips together again, greedy and lust driven.  The sound Dean made was swallowed up between them, needy and broken, and he tugged Castiel closer, licking his way into the other man's mouth as heat spread down through his fingers and toes.

Satisfied that his attentions weren't being objected to, he tugged Dean away from the kitchen counter, breathing in whenever he got the chance.  Dean followed, chasing after his lips every time he pulled away, their breath short and bated as they kissed.  He nearly stumbled over Dean's feet twice, pulling back from his lips to avoid ruining the moment with an ill timed fall. Taking one of Dean's hands, he tugged him over the the couch, a giddy little smile on his face.

Dean followed without protest, and he pulled him ever closer, kissing him again as they stood beside the couch, legs tangled messily between the two of them.  A heated moan was pulled from Castiel's throat, tugging Dean down onto the couch, falling back with a little less control than he would have liked.  Sucking in a breath, Cas pulled him into another kiss, shifting under him easily.

Dean braced his hand against the couch, glasses slipping down his nose as he kissed him again.  Their hips met, and Dean mewled against his lips, thighs between thighs.  Sliding his hands down the length of Dean's back, he pulled him down to grind against his thigh, tugging at the hem of his shirt.  Breaking away, Dean lifted away just enough to tug his shirt up and over his head, leaning in to press their lips together again. 

Letting out an appreciative hum as bared skin slid under his hands, Cas' nails dragged bluntly down his spine.  Dean arched, groaning, letting out another mewl as he rutted down.  His own hands slipped beneath the soft material of Castiel's robe, groping at skin blindly.  Fumbling a little, Cas plucked at the tie on his robe, pulling it loose and curling an arm around his neck, breaking their kiss to stare up at him, the blue in his eyes near vanished.  Dean rocked down more firmly, lips parted as their gazes locked, and he felt heat spark and catch in his throat as the friction sent pleasure skittering up his spine.

Biting back a low groan, he rocked up against him, enjoying the slide of their bodies. "Think you need to get those pants off."

Dean hands slipped down over the ladder of Castiel's ribs and beneath the small of his back, bringing their bodies closer as he caught his lips again for a brief moment.  "Take them off for me."

A grin curled his lips, dropping a hand to tug at his sleep pants, pushing them down and letting Dean kick them away. Shifting underneath him to look over the expanse of his body, Cas gave an impressed hum. He was just as perfect as he'd imagined.  Skin jumping as fingertips skirted over his abdomen, Dean shivered, eyes wide behind his glasses as their hips met again.  Letting out a little moan, Dean nudged at his nose, one of his hands slipping between them to grasp at Castiel's length.

Canting his hips up ever so slightly, Cas let out a soft growl, moving a hand to tease at the skin just above his cock. "How'd you want to do this?"

"Anyway you want," Dean said, a gut reflex as he kissed him again, so used to giving, giving.

Cas shook his head, stroking carefully down his spine, seeing right through him. "No, you get to pick for once."

"I--" he cut himself off and gave a needy rock of his hips, stroking at Castiel again.  "This.  Just this."

His breathing hitched, nodding in agreement as he wrapped a hand around his cock, stroking slowly. "Anything you'd like."

His eyes fluttered, and he keened, rocking into his fist as he let his own fingers trail over the underside of Castiel's cock.  Castiel’s spine arched, watching the flit of emotion over his face intently, blunt nails clawing at his shoulder.

A soft cry fell over Dean’s lips, and he bucked slightly as he squeezed around the base of him.  Their eyes never left one another's as they touched, stoked and teased at one another.  All the air went out of Cas, eyes glassy as he stared up at Dean, panting softly as he writhed underneath him in what could have been a show if it wasn't for the way his expression twisted in pleasure.

"Fuck, you're--" Dean moaned, leaning in, sealing their lips together as he twisted his wrist deftly, thumbing over the head of his cock.  "You're gorgeous."

A hazy looking smile curled Castiel’s lips, shuddering as he stroked over his cock, flicking his wrist at just the right moment, rubbing at the sensitive spot under the head.  Dean mewled, lips tight to Castiel's, kiss devolving into a mess of lips and teeth and tongue.  His hips jerked, heat curling tight in his gut, pulling Cas in impossibly closer, relishing the slide of skin against skin.

White heat coiled, tight and immensely hot, skin prickling with that same heat.  Moaning, Dean broke the kiss, foreheads resting together, and their breath mingled as another soft sound escaped him.  Stroking faster over Castiel's length, intent on watching him come, Dean kept that pace and watched Cas buck up into his hand, a half strangled groan leaving him as his eyes blew wide, spilling into his hand.

" _Ahh_ ," Dean let out a broken sound, hips stuttering, and his hand faltered on Castiel's cock as he milked him out. 

Dean tried to catch his breath, tried to hold out, but then he felt that coil snap.  There was another fractured sound, and then Dean was coming out over Cas' fingers.  Panting heavily, Cas stared up at him, licking over his lips subconsciously, just reveling in the look on Dean's face, and the wonderfully broken sound he gave. A lazy smile curled his lips, warm, and satisfied.

Dean slumped against him, panting and shivering, face buried in the crook of his neck.  Humming softly, Cas stroked down his spine, gentle and soothing.

"Cas," his voice cracked, breathless as he lay against him, and his heart was still pounding even as he came down from his high.  "Cas, what did we--?"

"Just do," he finished, smiling down at him, "We got each other off. Was good, should try it again some time."

Dean swallowed thickly, throat tight, and he shifted uncomfortably against him, something terrified and raw unfurling within him.  He pressed trembling lips to his neck, but there was something cold about the gesture.  "Is that what you want?  To get off with me?"

Cas pulled back to stare at him, head tilted a little. "Yeah, but what about you? Is that what you wanted."

"Of course," he muttered, and it was too quick, too at ease as he pulled his glasses off and tossed them aside, shifting against him-- and there was something languid there, and something terrifyingly dead as he moved.  "Why wouldn't I?"

Cas moved to sit up, not liking the way Dean brushed off his question. "You don't have to let someone get you off just because they ask."

"Getting off is good," Dean shrugged indifferently.  "Why wouldn't I want that?"

He reached out to take one of Dean's hands, tracing lightly over the ridges of his knuckles. "Then why did you panic so much? Don't think I haven't noticed."

"I'm fine," Dean grinned roguishly, and he leaned in, as if to kiss him again. 

Castiel shook his head when Dean got too close, "Please don't lie to me. You haven't been fine since the day you walked in here. I'm not asking you to tell me what you're running from, just don't deny it." He said pointedly, shifting to smooth a hand down the expanse of his back, deft fingers tracing over whitened scar tissue, some older than others. "I know someone's done something to you."

Dean stilled, gaze wavering, and he felt so dirty.  He hated how, even after all the time that had passed, he could still feel dirty.  Swallowing thickly, throat tight and working with an audible click, he let his head hang slightly until their cheeks were pressed together lightly.  There was a violent shudder that rushed through him, and Dean squeezed his eyes shut tight and saw the sharp edge of a blade, saw red slipping down his own skin.

"I'm fine," he said again, voice hardly a whisper.  "If you want to get off, I can do that.  I can get you off.  Anytime you'd like, just tell me."

Wrapping an arm around him tightly, Cas held him close for a moment, leaning up to press a kiss to his temple, before he was pulling away to meet his gaze. "I don't want that from you at all. You're a person, not some kind of plaything. You never have to do anything for me that you don't want to, understand?"

Dean's jaw flexed, and he looked at him like he didn't comprehend what he meant.  "I don't-- What do you want from me?"

"Nothing you're not prepared to give me. I want you to be happy. I want to _make_ you happy."

"Cas, I--" he shook his head, shivering despite the heat of his skin.  "Why do you want to make me happy?"

"Because you deserve to be." Cas said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Dean's brow furrowed, and he shook his head again.  "Why do you care?"

"Because I like you, and I want you to be happy." He said, opening his arms in invitation.

Dean stared at him for a very long moment.  His jaw worked again, flexing in that pretty way it seemed to when he was thinking about something serious, and then he pressed close, arms slipping around him once more, face burying against his neck, and he bit back a broken sound as he sought comfort in him.

Cas let out a soft little hum, taking the bulk of his weight with no qualms what so ever. Rubbing gentle circles into the back of his neck, he held him tight, offering safe haven to him.  Dean hated how he clung to him, how he felt the need to cling to him.  Tracing carefully over the scars that littered his back, Cas pressed close to him, pressing a kiss to his temple.

"I'm not going to tell you about them," Dean muttered dully, the warm slide of their skin easy and comfortable despite the weight upon them. 

"I know. I'd never ask." Cas said quietly, shifting to better accommodate him.

Dean pulled back, just enough to meet his gaze, expression soft and unguarded.  "Thank you, Castiel."

"You're welcome." Cas murmured, stroking gently over his cheek.

Eyes fluttering shut, he leaned into the touch, letting out a quiet breath.

Cas pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, holding him close for a long moment.  Carefully, almost timidly, Dean shifted and angled his head up, letting their lips ghost across.  A soft sigh left Castiel, breathy and content as he let Dean kiss him, not wanting to make it seem like he was pushing him.

The kisses were sweet.  Soft.  Gentle and easy as they pressed together.  Cupping a hand under his jaw, Cas pressed up against him, letting Dean control the depth of their kissing.  It was languid.  Their movements were exploratory, gentle.  Dean's hands brushed up over the ladder of Castiel's ribs, tracing the lovely lines of them as he kissed him more firmly.

Brushing a hand over his hip, he coaxed Dean a little closer, arching into him as hands roamed over heated skin, learning  new territory.  Dean slipped even closer, legs tangled, and he nipped at his lower lip as he placed a heavy palm over Castiel's chest.  Breaking away, he stared down at him, eyes dark with want but so, so wary.

"Do you--?"  Dean breathed, kissing him for a long moment.  "Is this gonna be a thing?  Me and you?"

"I'd like it to be." Cas said evenly, curling an arm around his neck.

"Yeah," Dean breathed, almost dazed.  "Yeah, I think-- We shouldn't, but I think I'd like that too."

"If you want to, then why shouldn't we?" Cas asked, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips.

"Lots of reasons," Dean shrugged a single shoulder, kissing him.  "But I... I do want to, Cas."

"Good." He purred, draping a leg over Dean's hip.

Dean's eyes flashed, something dark and desirous in his gaze, and he gave a subtle rock of his hips.  "Definitely good."

A lazy smile curled his lips, trailing a hand down the ladder of his ribs to smooth over his hip, pulling him down so he could grind up against him.  Dean gasped, friction immediate and electric.  He let out a soft sound, pressing even closer, nudging gently at his nose.  They fit so well together, so easily.

"Should we be doing this here?"  He asked, kissing his cheek.

"It's much more comfortable in my room." Cas replied, moving his leg from Dean's hip and shifting under him. "Come on."

Dean swallowed thickly, nodding as he pulled away from him, following Cas into his room without a word.  It was so warm.  So Castiel.  It was rank with herbs and incense, natural light filtering in through sheer red curtains, light up the room. 

Taking one of Dean's hands, he tugged him gently towards a pillow covered bed, dressed all in warm reds and teaks.  Dean stumbled slightly, stilled at the foot of the bed, fingers tightening in Castiel's.  Clearing his throat, he felt suddenly too vulnerable.  Too naked, standing there before him with all of his scars laid bare. 

Cas' expression softened, rubbing a thumb over to top of Dean's hand as he moved closer, interpreting his sudden tension as unwillingness. "We don't have to do this, if it makes you uncomfortable."

"It doesn't," Dean said with a weak smile, tone earnest.  "Sex is-- sex is easy.  I just... it's been a while."

"Then we'll slow down, if you'd like." Cas offered, lifting their joined hands to press a kiss to the top of Dean's.

"No," Dean shook his head, leaning in to catch his mouth briefly.  "No, I want this.  I want you."

Cas nodded, a warm smile on his face. "How do you want to go about this. What do you like?"

"I, um..." Dean's brow furrowed-- he didn't know what he liked.  Not after Alastair, who _made_ him like so many things he wouldn't have been interested in at all previously.  So many things that he didn't know if he liked anything anymore.  "What do you like?"

Cas gave a shrug. "I don't do blades, and I'm not such a fan of floggings, and things like that. Otherwise, I can be very accommodating. Haven't really got much of a preference."

"I like--" he shifted, pressing closer, almost seeking comfort.  "I like anything you're willing to give."

Cas nodded, pulling him in. "If that's what you want. Anything you want me to avoid?"

"Those things that you don't like," Dean said, voice rough.  "I don't-- I don't like them either."

Cas nodded again, nudging carefully at his nose. "Relax, Dean. It's sex, not torture."

Dean barked out a sharp, hollow laugh.  "Right.  My bad."

Stroking down the ladder of his ribs carefully, Cas tilted his head to seal their lips together, slow and deep.  Dean let out a soft sound, lips parting, mouth pliant and welcoming against his. 

Cas let his hands wander over his chest, skimming over smooth skin, occasionally interrupted by the ridge of scar tissue. Humming softly, Cas pulled him in closer, wanting to feel every inch of him.  Dean grasped at his arms, swallowing up any sound Castiel could make.  He mewled faintly himself, hips meeting hips, and he let out another needy noise.

Pulling back, he moved to settle on his bed, jerking his head as indication for Dean to follow, pupils blown wide as he looked over him. Dean swallowed thickly, eyes straying down over Castiel's body, and then moved towards him.  Climbing on top of the bed, he slipped into Castiel's lap, pausing to meet his gaze before he ducked down and caught Castiel's lips with his own once again.

Sliding his hands up his spine, Cas traced out the dips and contours of his body, wanting to learn each and every inch of him. Tilting his head, he flicked his tongue over the seam of his lips, a soft groan leaving him.  Dean shuddered against him, palms slipping up his chest, one resting on his collarbone.  Their tongues met messily, going dirty and delightfully heated.  Pulling away, Dean took in sharp breaths, eyes dark. 

"I like being able to touch you," he breathed, kissing him again, lingering there.  "I like being able to kiss you."

Panting softly, Castiel stared up at him, shifting his hips ever so slightly, a lazy looking smile on his face. "So we can do this more often?"

Letting out a small sound, his hips rocked in reply.  "Yes.  As often as you'd like."

"Careful, might not let you go." Cas teased, pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

"Then don't," Dean breathed, draping over his shoulder and sinking his fingers into Castiel's hair as his lips teased at Castiel's.  "Don't let me go."

His eyes fluttered shut as fingers threaded through his hair, groaning softly. "Won't, you'll be stuck here with me forever."

Dean gasped softly, and then kissed him hard.  It was desperate, teeth clicking, and he whined against his lips.  Biting back a groan, Cas gripped at his hips, pulling him down to get a better angle as he rutted against him.  Dean rocked steadily, fingers tugging gently at his hair, and he sucked at his tongue as it flicked over the roof of his mouth.  His body felt like it was vibrating, nerves electrified under Castiel's touch.  After a long moment, kissing him until he was breathless, he broke away, already hard. 

"Can we--"  Dean hesitated, eyes inquisitive.  "Can we do more?"

Cas nodded, slipping a hand between them to wrap around his cock, giving a few strokes. "Can I taste you?"

Dean nodded enthusiastically, swallowing past his nerves.  "I'd-- I'd really like that."

A pleased smile lit up his face, tapping at his shoulder to get him to roll over. "So would I."

Shifting off of his lap, Dean pulled himself up the bed more, resting back on soft cushion, fidgeting uselessly.  Moving fluidly, Cas settled between his legs, an eager shiver running through him, spine arching gracefully. Lowering his head to drag open mouthed kisses down his chest and over his stomach, trailing down until he was lapping at the head of his cock.

"Jesus," Dean breathed, one hand coming up to rest delicately in Castiel's hair, his cock twitching with interest as pleasure shocked up his spine.  "You don't-- You don't play around do you."

Cas just glanced up at him, sucking softly at the head of his cock, tongue flicking out to swirl around him.  Dean's toes curled, knees raising slightly, and he felt heat spread up from the head of his cock and prickle along his nerves.  Whining, his fingers tightened briefly, and he forced his hips still.

Tapping at his hip pointedly when he felt Dean still, Castiel lowered his head, relishing the slide of flesh against his tongue, swallowing with no protest when the head of his cock nudged the back of his throat.  Dean gave a sharp cry as Castiel took him in completely.  He bucked helplessly, muscles in his abdomen going taunt as he stared down at him with dark, wanting eyes.  The sight of Castiel's lips wrapped tight around his cock were like an image of Heaven itself, and he keened helplessly, squirming at the heat of him. 

His eyes watered a little as Dean bucked, moving with each undulation of his hips until his nose was buried in the soft crop of hair around the base of him. Groping around to find one of his hands, Cas pressed in against the back of his head, cheeks hollowing as he sucked.

Dean hung on for dear life, mewling out his pleasure.  He didn't need to move him, didn't want to.  Cursing softly, Dean felt his hips rock steadily again, and he moaned headily and helplessly.  Head lulling back against a gold embroidered pillow, Dean clutched at his hair, toes curling.  Moving with the rock of his hips, Cas bobbed his head, taking him in with no protest, shifting his hips against the sheets in attempt to alleviate the pressure between his legs.  What seemed like hours was only minutes.

"Cas, I--" he warned in a helpless, little gasp.  "I'm close, I--"

Reaching down to stroke over the soft skin of his balls, Cas cupped them, wanting to feel him come.  Dean bowed off of the bed with a sharp keen, heat tightening and then snapping painfully as he spilled out into his mouth with a broken sound.

Humming his delight as he felt Dean tense and then come down his throat, Cas swallowed all he was given, milking him out until he began to relax again, pulling off with a wet pop. Settling his head against Dean's stomach, Cas looked up at him, warm and satisfied.

Panting and shivering, he pet through Castiel's hair, glancing down at him with a small smile.  "You're... you're really quite good at that."

"Practice." Cas smiled, nudging into his stomach gently, "I like giving people pleasure."

"I've never--"  Dean shook his head, legs splayed open, relaxed back against the soft sheets, and his hands shook slightly with his soft admissions as he stroked through Cas' hair.  "I've always been on the giving end.  Or-- I'm usually on the giving side.  It's-- it's nice, but not all the time.  Not when um... not all the time."

Cas tilted his head, leaning up into his hand. "You've never what? Don't tell me you've never had a blow job before."

"No.  No, I have."  He assured with a faint smile.  "That was just... god, years ago."

"So, you're just not used to receiving. Damn, whoever you were with was missing out, you taste good."

Dean blushed brilliantly.  "I-- oh."

"Pretty when you blush too." Cas smiled, moving to settle next to him.

He glanced away, hands fidgeting once they were free of Castiel's hair, and he cleared his throat while his face just went warmer.  Leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek, Cas laid his head over Dean's chest, nuzzling into his skin gently.  Dean let his own hand rest over Castiel's, their fingers threading together. 

He glanced his way, eyes soft and questioning as he pressed in closer.  "Would you--  Do you want me to take care of you, now?"

Cas smiled up at him, lazy and almost feline. "If you'd like to. I can take care of myself if you don't want to."

"I'd like to," Dean murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips, enjoying the touch.  "What would you like?"

Curling his arms around Dean's neck, he leant in to kiss him again, train of thought grinding to a halt as their lips met, far too distracted.  After a long moment, Dean pulled back with a small gasp, panting against his lips as he stroked through Castiel's hair.  His lips felt tender, like he'd been kissed too many times, but it was perfect.

Breathing out a slow sigh, Cas nudged gently at his nose, hips rolling mindlessly against his leg.  Dean felt a little thrill rush through him-- it made his palms sweat, made his heart stammer, the idea that he could be aroused, that he could actually _enjoy_ sex with someone.  Catching his lips for another long moment, he pulled back with a faint gasp, rubbing at Castiel's hip.

"Want me to ride you?"

Cas nodded eagerly, rubbing at the back of his neck, cock twitching against Dean's leg at the suggestion, mind painting delectable images of taut muscle and pleasured expressions.

"Are you--"  Dean pulled back, something sharp in his gaze.  "Are you clean?"

Cas nodded, pressing a reassuring kiss to his lips. "I got the results to last month's test if you want proof."

"No, I--" he rested their foreheads together.  "I trust you."

Cas smiled at him, shifting to pull open the top drawer of his bed side table, "Take what you need."

Dean peered over in the drawer, balking at the array of toys and lubricants.  "Jesus."

Cas chuckled softly. "Use whatever you want."

"Think I'll just stick with lube," Dean muttered, voice rough.

"Want me to stretch you?" Cas asked, leaning up to retrieve a bottle of lube.

Dean felt his mouth go dry.  "Yes.  Yes, please."

Castiel smiled at him, uncapping the bottle with practiced hands and slicking his fingers up, nudging at one of Dean's legs so he moved it a few inches so he could tease around his hole.  Dean's gaze fluttered, and he let out a shaky breath.  His mind stalled, flitted, tried to go somewhere unpleasant, and Dean reeled it back in as he met Castiel's blue, blue eyes.  Bracing his hands at Cas' shoulders, he spread his legs even further, wanting.

Petting slowly down his side, Cas thrust into him, slow and experimental, not sure how he'd take it.  Dean's body welcomed the intrusion, and he was hot around the invading digits, lower back curving as he let out a tiny moan.

Cursing softly, Cas looked over him, crooking his fingers as Dean arched. "Fuck, you look good like this."

Rocking back onto his fingers, Dean let out another moan, long and heady as Castiel stretched him.  The muscles in his abdomen flexed, and he rolled sinuously, eyes hot on Castiel's.  Slipping a second finger into him, Cas worked him open, slow and methodical, brushing at his prostate.  Dean's thighs trembled as he let out a faint cry, a needy whine following on its heels as his nails bit in at Castiel's shoulders. 

"Fuck," he breathed, rocking again, more firmly.  "I can't wait to have you inside of me."

Cas groaned his approval. "Bet you'll feel good." He purred, eyes hazy as his cock twitched.

Dean nodded, and his own cock was already half hard between his legs as he leaned in to press his lips to Castiel's.  "I'll ride you so well, Cas."

Curling his fingers to stretch him out, Cas bit back a growl, hips rolling in mindless little circles.

"You want it, don't you?"  Dean breathed against his lips, fucking back onto his fingers.  "Want me?  In your lap, hot and tight around you?  _Moaning_ for you?"

Cas' only reply was a soft keen, eager and wanting as he jabbed his fingers into him.

"Slick yourself up," he ordered in a moan, nails biting in at his shoulders.  "Want you in me already."

"Yes, sir." Cas smirked, pulling his finger out and reaching for the lube again, slinking up his cock with a low hiss and rolling off him, settling up against the bed head.

Catching his lips in a messy kiss, Dean straddled his hips, reaching down to grasp the length of him.  Something shocked through him, electric anticipation, at the idea of taking all of that into him.  Sucking at his tongue, Dean lowered himself slowly, guiding Castiel into him, and there was an agonizing moment as the head of his cock slipped past the tight ring of muscle of Dean's entrance.

Breaking the kiss with a soft cry, he shuddered and sank down further, internal muscles fluttering with each inch that slipped into him.  Cas stared up at him, a soft groan leaving him as tight heat lowered over his cock, eyes widening, the blue of his irises nearly gone completely. His hands wavered restlessly in the sheets, one reaching up to settle onto Dean's hip, gripping sporadically.

Dean didn't stop until Castiel was seated completely in him, resting their foreheads together as Dean sucked in sharp breaths.  Letting out a faint whine, Dean settled there, muscle spasming tight around the thick length within him, and he gave subtle but sure rock of his hips, clutching to Castiel's shoulders.  He was happy for them, the grounding effect they gave, and the way their eyes stayed transfixed together kept Dean from panicking.

There was no pain here, only pleasure.

Dean was tighter than Cas had expected, hot and perfect around him. Stroking slowly at his hip, he resisted to urge to buck into him, hips straining a little and he stared up at him.  Dean rocked again, rutting more firmly against him, breath short simply from being filled so perfectly.

"Go on." Dean murmured against his lips, a hand tangling into his hair.  "Show me what you want."

Gripping at his hip, Cas rolled his body under him, controlled and fluid, thrusting up into him steadily, deeply, savoring the slide of skin.  Dean's eyes rolled back briefly, a gutturally pleased sound escaping him as he rocked down in reply.  His head fell back, spine curving faintly as he rose off of him and then sank back down with a sensual roll of his hips. 

Arching up into him, Cas steadied his hips, angling his thrusts carefully, gripping at his shoulder blindly as heat sparked up his spine.  Muscles flexed and strained, an erotic dance of flesh as they worked together at an easy pace.  They drew it out, long and lingering, like Dean was made to repeat that wonderous rise and fall of his body-- tight and clenching around Castiel's length as he moaned out his own delight.

Panting softly, Castiel's eyes fell shut, whining softly as pleasure spiked through him, hardly needing to guide Dean as his hips rolled, letting his hands wander to feel the flex of his muscle.  Dean's breath caught, and he let Castiel withdraw almost completely before he snapped his hips back down sharply, taking him in to the hilt with a harsh jerk and a stuttering cry.  Cas' expression twisted in ecstasy, nails digging into his hips bluntly. His eyes snapped open, staring up at him, dazed and hazy as he watched him.  Dean's tongue flickered out, drawing over his upper lip slowly as he stared down at him.  Palms flat on his chest, he pressed him down securely to the bed, and his body undulated like a private show-- all for Castiel's eyes, all that muscle rolling taunt just beneath sun kissed skin.  Dean moaned headily, letting out a long breath as he rode him at a steadily increasing pace, mind occasionally shorting out when the length inside of him pressed just right.

Panting sharply, Cas let the hand at his shoulder fall away, letting Dean push him back, watching eagerly as defined muscle flexed and twisted, angling his hips up.  They worked together so easily-- like they were long time lovers.  Like they knew each other's bodies already.  It was a long, arduous process, but the pleasure, the absolute ecstasy of it made it worth the work, the strain, and the sweat as their hips met with each thrust. 

Heat curled tight in Dean’s stomach, and he bit down on his lower lip to hold back his sounds, eyes shuttered as he stared down at him, the slick and obscene sounds of their coupling echoing off of the walls in the room.  Arching his head back, Castiel’s hips gave half aborted thrusts up into him, stomach tensing as he was pushed closer to the edge. Half ragged groans tainted every exhale, fumbling at his hip in vague warning, bucking up deep into him as he came, biting out a sharp cry.

It was the sensation of Castiel finishing inside of him that sent Dean over the edge again, hips stuttering, stalling and then jerking down sharply as he spilled out over Castiel's stomach with a breathy cry, nails biting in and leaving half crescents on his chest.  Letting out a long breath he didn't know he'd been holding, Cas went lax against the sheets, petting lazily at Dean's hip, a satisfied little smile flicking around his lips.

Dean panted, looking winded, as he forced himself to relax.  His shoulders and elbows were locked in place as he leaned forward slightly, trying to catch his breath as he offered a small smile in reply to Castiel's. 

"Hey there," he muttered, voice rough.

His smile broadened, smoothing his hands up the ladder of Dean's ribs. "Hey yourself."

Lowering himself down onto his elbows, he pressed a kiss to his lips.  "Good for you?"

Cas hummed his approval, returning the brief kiss. "Thank you."

Dean blushed, giving a meek shrug.  "No problem."

"Enjoy yourself?" He asked, peering curiously up at him.

Nodding, he cleared his throat, and his smile broadened.  "Very much so, yeah."

Castiel let out a warm little hum, rubbing gently at his thighs. There was something highly satisfying about knowing he'd brought pleasure to someone else. "Good, it'd be no fun if you didn't."

"No?"  Dean raised a brow, nudging at his nose.

"No." Cas replied, "Should always make sure your partner gets off."

Dean let out a soft hum, relaxing against him.  "That's a nice change of pace."

Castiel frowned, looping an arm around him. "Really?"

Shrugging, he pressed his face against the side of his neck, tongue a bit more loose post-coitus.  "It happens."

"It shouldn't." Cas said, stroking over the back of his neck. "People should care more."

Dean shuddered against him, nosing up under his jaw.  "Not everyone is you."

"I shouldn't be a stand out." He mumbled, tilting his head obligingly.

Teeth grazed his jaw, and Dean shifted against him, pulling back in order to stare down at him.  "I've had lovers that have taken care of me.  Don't worry."

Leaning up to press a quick kiss to his lips, Cas offered a smile. "You just found another one."

Dean stared at him for a long, lingering moment, a slow smile curling on his lips as he leaned down to kiss him again.  Grinning against his lips, Cas tipped his head to return his kiss, glad he seemed happy.  After a long moment, Dean broke it, kissing the corner of his mouth as he slowly lifted off of him with a grunt.  Collapsing onto the bed next to him, he shivered, body aching faintly as he lay there.

Cas pressed up to his side almost immediately, idle fingers tracing over his neck. "Sore?"

"A bit," he admitted softly, curling into him.

Wrapping his arms around him, legs tangling, Castiel pressed a warm kiss to his cheek. "I've been told I give great massages, if it gets too bad."

Dean's nose wrinkled slightly as evidence of their coupling smeared over their skin, trickling down the inside of his thigh, but he nudged at his cheek with his nose.  "Might take you up on that."

"Can clean you up too." Cas said, shifting his stomach to avoid pressing come all over Dean's side.

"Shower?"  Dean asked hopefully.

Cas nodded, shifting to sit up. "Come on."

Dean smiled, climbing from the bed, heading for the bathroom as Castiel trailed along behind him.  "Bath or shower?"

The smile that curled his lips was equal parts pleased as it was wicked, "Bathe with me?" He asked, pressing in close.

Dean's brow raised sardonically, but he turned to face him with a smile.  "Want bubbles with that?"

"Don't knock the bubbles." Cas replied, "They make everything better."

"Bubbles, then."  Dean's smile softened.

Cas beamed at him for a second, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his lips, tugging him onto the dark tiles of their bathroom, letting go as he moved to set the plug of a large, circular tub into place.  Dean watched him as he turned the water on, fingers under the stream until it warmed.  When he turned back around, Dean held out the bottle of bubbles for him, a bemused smile on his face.

"Thank you." Cas smiled, taking the bottle and squirting a generous amount into the tub, flicking the water on his hands at Dean.

"Hey!"  Dean sputtered slightly when some hit him in the face.  "Watch it."

Cas grinned at him, playful as he flicked more water at him. "Or what?"

"Or you'll never find out about my lack of gag reflex first hand."

Cas pouted a little at him. "No fair."

Dean grinned.  "Then stop flicking water at me."

Rolling his eyes, Cas turned the water off when he deemed it deep enough, stepping in and sitting down in, chest deep in bubbles.  Dean hesitated and only joined him when Cas held out an arm, beckoning him into the warmth with an outstretched hand.  Stepping in, he was happy to find the water so welcoming, and he slid in easily, leaning against the opposite side of the tub.

Shifting closer to him, Cas nudged at his shoulder, settling down into the water until just his nose and the top of his head remained above the layer of bubbles.

Dean snorted at the sight of him, mirth bubbling up in his eyes and over his lips.  "You look ridiculous."

Turned a half hearted glare at him, Cas poked him in the ribs, lifting his head out of the bubbles. "It’s warm."

A sharp laugh escaped him, suds clinging to Castiel's chin like a beard, and he leaned over to wipe them away with an adoring expression.  "Doesn't make you look any less ridiculous."

"Then I'll just be ridiculously warm." Cas retorted, looking up at him with nothing but affection.

Dean just smiled at him, and then he was leaning in, easing through the water to plant a lingering kiss to his lips.  Humming softly, Cas rose up a little, returning his kiss easily.  Dean nipped at his lower lip, and then pulled away, expression soft but eyes playful.  Smiling at him, Cas dumped a handful of bubbles on his head in retribution.

Dean's expression pinched, and his nose wrinkled endearingly as suds slipped down his temple.

Cas chuckled, grinning at him. "Now who's ridiculous."

Giving him a dry look, Dean pushed down on his shoulders until his head was submerged beneath the surface.  Spluttering, Cas popped up the second Dean's hand was gone, bubbles slipping down his face, looking not unlike a drowned cat.  Dean laughed, loud and genuine, slipping back shoulder deep into the bath, giggling into his fist.

Despite the soap suds in his ears, Cas found himself laughing along with him, leaning against him.  Still chuckling, Dean cupped his jaw, leaning and kissing him, smiling against his lips.  Curling a wet hand against his neck, Cas returned his kiss, pulling back just enough to smile at him.

Dean huffed out another laugh, their noses brushing.  "You're lovely."

"Only on my good days." Cas smiled.

"Must have a lot of good days then," Dean replied, sort of lamely.

Huffing out a laugh, Cas nudged at his nose, "Only when you're around."

"I have to admit," Dean murmured, blushing.  "I've never been the reason for someone's good day."

"Now you're the reason for two people to have a good day." Cas said, "I haven't seen Gabriel this happy in years."

Dean glanced away, shifting uncomfortably beneath the heat of the water.  "I don't-- I don't think that's true."

"I do. I've known him for long enough to know when he's happy. He's just afraid"

Dean slumped back against the porcelain tub, letting out a long breath.  "I think you're wrong."  _About everything.  I don't make anyone happy._

Cas frowned, nudging gently at his cheek. "I have to call bullshit on that one."

"Yeah?"  Dean couldn't help his grin, turning his head away from the soft touch.

Cas nodded, "You make us both very happy."

"I don't know how," Dean admitted, shaking his head.  "I don't know how I can make you guys happy."

"You already do." Castiel assured, almost sounding wise.

Dean looked at him, eyes meeting for a long moment, brows drawn together.  "How?"

"Because you're you." He replied, "And you didn't leave us like everyone else did, and you put up with our eccentricities, and you take care of us."

"I... I care about you guys," Dean said softly, a single shoulder shrugging.  "I want you to be happy."

"We are." Cas promised, groping around under the water to find one of Dean's hands, gripping it.

Dean chortled softly.  "I think you could be happier."

"Maybe, but this is what we have, and we're happy here." Cas said, leaning against his shoulder.

Dean's expression shuttered slightly, and he nudged at his ankle gentle, toes slipping over the top of his foot as he leaned against him too.  "You um...  you make me happy too."

Cas hummed softly, enjoying his company in the warm water, content to just lay there.  Tentatively, Dean took Castiel's hand in his, lacing their fingers together with a soft sound of his own.  Clinging to his hand, Cas looked up at him, adoring and affectionate, turning to nuzzle into his shoulder.

Shivering, Dean pressed a kiss to his head, smiling to himself.  Letting out a long sigh, Cas buried in close to him, lifting their hands to hold them against his chest.

* * *

Dean hadn't felt so relaxed in a very long time.  He shuffled around the kitchen, in nothing but a pair of draw string pajama pants, digging around in the fridge as he tried to come up with something for them to eat for dinner.  His body protested wonderfully.  Castiel and him had been exploring each other all day, touching and coupling with ease as they tasted and teased at one another.  It had been good.  It had been great-- Dean felt like he had a permanent smile on his face. 

There was something sort of freeing about being with Castiel.  It left him feeling like he was on air, light and easy, despite the fantastic soreness his muscles gave him.  His mind was off of things it usually dwelled so deeply on, and he hummed softly as he pulled out a skillet from the pantry. 

Leaning comfortably against the kitchen door frame, Cas tugged at the hem of old shirt he'd found, though he was sure it was Dean's, sitting a little crookedly on him. Watching as he worked for a moment, a lazy smile curled his lips, body aching in all the best ways, scratch marks all down his back.

Padding quietly on the tiles of their kitchen floor, Cas moved up behind him, brushing over the ridge of Dean's hip, simply because he could now. He'd never ever get tired of touching Dean. "Hey."

Dean shivered, leaning back against him as Castiel's lips pressed to a bold hickey at the juncture between his neck and shoulder.  "Hello."

Nosing at his jaw, Cas let his fingers skate over Dean's stomach, humming his content as he pressed up against Dean's back. "What  are you cooking?"

"Anything you'd like," he mumbled, humming out a content sound.

"And if I don't feel like eating?" Cas asked, mostly in tease as he kissed along his jaw, and down to the junction of his neck. He was so absorbed in touching him, Cas didn't even notice the door opening, one slightly tired looking Gabriel walking in.

Gabriel didn't know what he expected when he finally decided to come home, shift having finished hours ago, roaming mindlessly in effort to distract himself from the quickly growing affection that smothered the apartment. Any expression on his face dropped when he looked into the kitchen. He knew this would happen, knew he couldn't trust Cas to keep his greedy little hands off what they both knew was off limits.

Shaking his head, Gabriel cleared his throat, void of any emotion. "You two done now."

Dean's shoulders went faintly tense, like someone had splashed cold water in his face.  "Gabriel, hey."

Cas pressed a reassuring kiss to Dean's cheek, moving away from him to face Gabriel, a little smile flitting around his lips. It wasn't like he'd done anything wrong. "Gabriel." He greeted, leaning against the kitchen bench, earning only a glare.

"I take it I missed a bit then?" Gabriel asked, bitter and hollow.

"A little." Cas admitted, "Nothing you couldn't catch up on, right?" He added, looking back at Dean.

Dean felt a pit of guilt well up in him as he looked down at the pan and the food he'd been planning on making, suddenly not hungry anymore.  He couldn't look at either of them.  _Fuck, what am I doing?_

He felt so bare there, scars apparent on his back, and he flushed and swallowed down a rush of bile.  He was a taint.  A poison.  He'd ruin the both of them.

Cas' brow furrowed, shuffling in a little closer to Dean, shooting Gabriel a glare. He'd finally made progress, gotten Dean to open up, and then this happens.  Gabriel shifted a little, stony expression cracking for a split second.

"We'll talk about this later." He said, tone boding no argument.

"I'm, uh..."  Dean shied away from Castiel, moving towards the doorway, voice tight.  "I'm gonna go to my room.  Sleep or something.  I'm-- I'm sorry."

He was careful to avoid touching either of them.  He shouldn't have slept with Castiel.  He knew he shouldn't have.  This had been a terrible idea.  Dean strode across the living room in quick strides, shutting the door behind him.

Cas shoulders slumped as he watched Dean go, almost following after him, wanting to hold him again, make him realize this wasn't his fault.

"What the fuck was that about?" Gabriel demanded the second he heard Dean's door close, drawing Cas out of his guilt.

Cas narrowed his eyes at him, anger rising slowly. "Don't make this my fault, I've done nothing wrong, and neither has Dean."

"We agreed that Dean was off limits. I know you can be a dumb fuck sometimes, but I thought you were smarter than that." Gabriel spat, bitter, and angry that Cas had gone and done what he couldn't.

Cas bit his tongue for a second to keep from shouting, advancing on him. "No, Gabriel. _You_ agreed to leave him alone." He growled, jabbing him in the chest.

"Maybe if you learnt to keep your hands to yourself, I wouldn't have had to. Look at him, Cas, he doesn't want this." Gabriel retorted, standing his ground.

For a moment, Castiel remained silent, jaw working. "And maybe if you weren't such a fucking coward, you'd know that he does. I get it, you're afraid, but for once in your life, would you stop running?"

For a moment, Gabriel just stared, unsure of how to respond simply because he knew it was true. He was running, and he had been running from the moment Dean walked in. Shaking his head, Gabriel backed away, defenses torn down as he walked away, finally letting his resolve crumble.

"You're going to have to stop running eventually, Gabriel." Cas called after him, getting only the violent slam of a door in reply.


	5. I’ll Wait A Lifetime to Give Into You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: angry couch sex and misunderstandings

The days following their argument were tense to say the least. Both Cas and Gabriel avoiding each other as much as possible despite the close living quarters they shared, the latter often staying out of the apartment, hauling himself back home at ridiculous hours; as angry as Cas was with Gabriel, he always checked he was okay when he came home, peeking into his room. 

Padding out of his room, Cas checked if Gabriel was there briefly, not wanting another argument, all kinds of guilty as he knocked on Dean's door, concerned for his friend. When no reply came, Cas let out a long sigh, opening his door and peering inside only to find his room empty. Heaving out a long sigh, Castiel moved into his room, only a little guilty about prying into Dean's things.

Dean's room was orderly save for the scramble paper on his desk, arousing his suspicious almost instantly. Casting a brief look behind him, Cas shuffled through the papers, a few old sketches haphazardly shoved over a stack of what looked like greeting cards. Brow furrowing, Cas opened one, reading over the message with increasing disgust.

_So here we are my lovely one;_

_My suffering has just begun._

_Where do you live? I want to know;_

_I do not know yet where to go._

 

_I follow close behind your car;_

_You do not even go too far._

_You stop off quick to get some gas;_

_I watch you every time you pass._

Fear and anger clawed at him, not even hesitating as he turned his head. "Gabriel?" He shouted, hearing the tell tale pat of feet.

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" Gabriel asked, voice tight with anger, not even noticing the card Cas held as he stopped at the doorway. "Figured you'd come in here to see if you could fuck him again."

Castiel dropped the card in his hand, turning around to him equal parts furious as he was insulted. "Are you still mad about that? We had sex. So what. Maybe of you weren't so scared of attachment, you might have been able to join in."

Gabriel tensed, and they both advanced on each other, neither willing to back down. "Exactly, Cas. You had sex. What part of you even thought that was a good idea. You just fucked up the best thing that's ever happened to us."

"I didn't fuck anything up. If anything, us arguing is hurting him more."

"Bullshit. We leave him alone!" Gabriel snapped, earning only a furious snarl in reply before they both devolved into furious shouting, neither keeping track of what they'd said.

“--christ, you’re such a fucking prick.”  Castiel sneered, shoving past him and out into the living room.

Gabriel followed after him pushing at his back and causing Cas to stumble a step before whipping around, eyes light with anger.  “Don’t be such a little bitch, _Cassie_.  I’m just pointing out that fact that you’re a damn manwhore.  No need to act all wounded-- it’s common knowledge--”

“Like you’re any better?”  Castiel retorted, moving in close until they were crowded in one another’s space.  “You sleep around more than me, remember, Gabe?  Not my fault you’re a pansy when it actually comes down to having feelings for someone--”

Gabriel growled, reaching for him, hands rough in his hair and shirt.  Tugging him in, he sealed their lips together, teeth clacking harshly, and Castiel tasted copper for a moment.  This was by no means unusual for them, in fact, most arguments met their end in a bout of angry, wall denting sex.  Screaming insults and curses, hands shoving and butting until all at once there was silence, furious words replaced with angry nips and messy kisses, neither willing to submit as they vied for dominance, tearing at each other’s clothing until the bulk of it lay on the floor.

Gabriel had his hands around Cas' wrists as they kissed on the couch, though it did little to stop him from writhing, using his height to break free and shove Gabriel back onto the couch, pinning him down.

"You're my little bitch now." He hissed, a certain vehemence to his tone.

Gabriel had no intention of playing bottom for his dumbass roommate, bucking and displacing him enough to scramble away, shoving his knee into the middle of Cas' back, keeping him down. "What was that?"

"Fuck you." Cas spat, jerking back into Gabriel's hand all the same as he palmed his ass, grinding against him unabashedly, cock already leaking at the head.

“Nah,” Gabriel grinned, leaning down to bite at his neck, earning a long, low groan as Gabriel nudged his legs apart with his knees.  “Fuck you, Cas.”

He used spit to slick his own fingers, raising Castiel’s hips with a sharp jerk.  Cas rocked back, moaning softly, looking wanton as Gabriel kissed down his spine.  He opened him up with quick movements, still rough with aggression and anger.  He enjoyed the way Cas arched, though, as he crooked his fingers deep inside of him. 

“You fuck him like this?”  Gabriel hissed, pressing at that bundle of nerves.

Cas hissed, nails dragging over the material of the couch.  “Not the-- Not the first time.  First time, he rode me.  He looked like a God--”

“Shut up,” Gabriel grunted biting at his shoulder, and he slipped his fingers free and licked up his palm so that he could slick the length of himself up. 

Castiel laughed.  “After that, though-- I bent him over the couch, took him ‘til his toes curled and then ate him out for almost an hour--"

Gabriel thrust into him with one, jerky motion, cutting him off.  Cas grunted, lower back curving, and Gabriel puffed out a sound of relief.  He rocked, testing him, and when Cas spat a curse and told him to move, he did. 

It was quick and dirty.  They both knew just what the other liked.  And soon they were coming with one another; Cas spilled out over Gabriel’s fingers and Gabriel jerked and came into Cas.  Panting helplessly, they slumped together.  Gabriel huffed out a long breath, nosing at his nape.

“I’m sorry.”

Cas grunted.  “I know.  You’re just a fuckin’ idiot.”

Gabriel grinned.  “I am…  Sorry for being a dick.”

“I’d say I’m sorry for sleeping with Dean, but we both know I’m not.”  Cas said over his shoulder. 

Gabriel sighed.  “I know.  I just-- Jealous, I guess.  And angry.  I don’t want-- I don’t want him to leave.”

Castiel’s expression softened, voice just as gentle.  “I know.”

Gabriel sighed again, kissing his shoulders.  Cas relaxed under him.  Pulling out, they lay together, fingers ghosting idly over skin.

Gabriel was still pressing soft kisses to Castiel's neck, skin slick with sweat even as they came down, bodies entangled on the couch.  The lock on the door clicked loudly, and Dean shuffled past, perspiring and breathless from his run.  He came to a slow stop, sneakers squeaking against the floor boards, as he stalled across the room from them with wide eyes.

Dean hadn't expected this, had never really expected much at all, but he couldn't find it in himself to be surprised.  There was a mix of things-- a flood of heat, a rush of raw desire, and an electrical pulse of cold and fear.  He swallowed thickly, flushed a brilliant shade of red, and turned his back on the pair of them as something dreadful welled up and knotted in his gut.

"I-- um, sorry," his voice cracked, sounded rough, as his throat tightened with something like sorrow.  They didn't want him.  They never wanted him.  They just wanted somebody to play with, to use, and Dean was the perfect toy.  "Sorry, should I-- should I go?"

It was Castiel's sudden tension that drew Gabriel out of the orgasm induced haze he was enjoying, raising his head to peer up at Dean, cursing under his breath. Cas left sharp tap at his knee, wriggling free from under him, unconcerned about the mess they'd made on the couch.

"Hello, Dean." He said, voice rough, and low as he sat next to Gabriel, gripping at his hand to keep him from running again. "Don't go."

Dean barked out a soft laugh, pinching the bridge of his nose, refusing to turn around for them.  "Want me to just stand here, then?"

"Well, you should probably shower first, I can smell you from here." Gabriel said, trying to lighten up the situation. "But if you want, you could come join us."

"No," Dean huffed, shaking his head, but he did move-- moved towards the bathroom in fairly quick strides.  "No, thank you.  You guys, um...  you guys just... keep doing what you’re doing."

Gabriel frowned as he left, squeezing at Cas' hand without really thinking about it, as though resigned to let him go.

"Dean, wait." Cas called after him, "Don't go."

The bathroom door snapped shut sharply in reply.

Cas sunk back against the lounge, exchanging a crestfallen look with Gabriel, leaning against him.  Curling an arm around his shoulders, Gabriel rubbed at his arm. "It'll turn out okay."

"How do you know?"

"Doesn't it always?"

Cas frowned.  "No." 


	6. These Feelings Won’t Go Away

Try as they might, neither Castiel nor Gabriel could manage to get more than a tight smile from Dean for the next two days, a dull silence blanketing their apartment.  It was getting under everyone’s skin.  Dean avoided them, even during meal time, having made food for them to heat up in the fridge and saying he’d already eaten before he would retreat into his room, or leave for work.  He’d even picked up extra shifts in order to avoid them both further.  Every time either one of them initiated conversation, Dean would find an excuse to leave.  By the time it was Monday, Cas had all but given up on trying to talk to Dean, knowing when his attentions were unwanted. 

Sitting down on the couch, Cas fidgeted, glancing over at Dean’s door.  He knew he was in there, hiding from them, and he felt guilt pang and twist in him.  Sighing, he let his head lull against the back of the couch, and Gabriel huffed out a breath of his own as he caught sight of him.

Patting at his shoulder as he passed, Gabriel deposited a bag of licorice in Cas' lap, walking up to Dean's door and knocking.  "Movie night, want to join?"

Dean opened the door slowly, knowing he had no good excuse to avoid their usual movie night, and his eyes looked so tired behind his glasses-- like he hadn't been sleeping well.  "What're we watching?"

Gabriel's brow furrowed ever so slightly, wanting to just pick Dean up and give him a hug. Heaven knows he needed one. " _Pretty Woman_."

"Did you already make the popcorn?"  Dean asked, letting his door open further, but he didn't step through as he waited for Gabriel to move away, never getting to close to either of them anymore.

"We got licorice instead." He replied, moving out of the way for him.

Dean cleared his throat, stepping into the room, jeans and shirt rumpled, and there were smears of charcoal on his cheek and fingers as he moved over to the couch-- taking his spot in the far corner away from them.  "Twizzlers, not Red Vines, right?"

Gabriel nodded, "Of course. What do you take me for, a mad man?" He said, offering a little grin.

Dean gave him a small smile in return, tucking his legs up underneath him as he sat there.  "Good choice."

Gabriel moved to sit back down next to Cas, shoulders pressed together, disappointed Dean wouldn't join them. Castiel cast a glance Dean's way plaintive, and longing as the movie started.

Dean's eyes stayed fixed on the screen as the film played, so closed off from them, looking so alone crammed into the corner of the couch.  After a while, Gabriel chanced moving a little closer, clamping down on previous fears and ignoring them as best he could. Slowly, the space between them began to dissolve, inch by inch, Cas shifting along the couch once he realized what Gabriel was doing.  Dean shifted uncomfortably, worrying his lower lip between his teeth, but he didn't say anything as they moved ever closer.

Cas tugged at Gabriel's wrist, and they both stopped when Dean shifted, settling in against each other again. Gabriel let his hand stray near Dean, just laying it there, wanting to get him used to them being there before they moved again. 

"You guys don't need to comfort me," Dean blurted, never looking away from the TV.  "I don't need comforting."

"We're not trying to." Gabriel said, looking over at him.

Dean pulled his eyes away from where Julia Roberts was bathing in a tub full of bubbles, the sight just a little too familiar, and he gave him a stony look.  "Then what the hell are you doing?"

"Getting cuddly?" Gabriel offered, a jaunty little grin playing around his lips.

"With me," Dean finished dully.

Gabriel nodded, smile not fading, almost hopeful as he shifted a little closer. "Come on, I don't bite unless you ask."

Dean snorted derisively, crossing his arms self-consciously as he turned his attention back to the film again, and his voice was soft when he spoke.  Soft and sad.  "Do what you want."

Castiel frowned, letting out a soft little sound as he looked over at him, tugging at Gabriel's shirt to keep him from getting any closer. "Dean, please."

Letting out a sharp sigh, Dean rolled his eyes, hand falling over Gabriel's.  His fingers were trembling.  "There.  It's okay."

It did nothing to ease their worry. Gabriel shifted his hand from under Dean's, thumb stroking gently over his knuckles. "We're not trying to force you into anything, we want you to be happy."

Dean swallowed thickly, fingers twitching beneath his palm, but he didn't say anything.

"And we'll understand if you don't want anything from us." Gabriel said, voice even.

"I want you," he replied, almost robotic, glancing over at them with a careful expression, but there was a hint of honesty in his tone.  "I want you both.  Is that permission enough for you?  Or would you like it written?  Do what you want."

Castiel shook his head almost immediately, recognizing Dean's tone as a bad sign. Gabriel cast a glance back to him, and nodded faintly. "What do you want?"

Dean's gaze darted between the two of them, and there was something panicked there.  "I already told you."

Gabriel pulled his hand back, both of them looking at him with nothing but concern. "This isn't just about sex, you know that right?"

"Why not?"  Dean replied, glib as he shrugged.  "Sex is easy.  We're all friends here."

Cas shook his head, nose wrinkling in faint distaste. "Because that's not what we're after."

Dean's stare was vaguely accusing when he glanced over at him, green locking hard with blue.  "And what are you after?"

Cas almost looked shy as he shrugged. "Generally when people are attracted to each other, they seek a relationship."

"Three's company." Gabriel said, offering a little smile.

"And you want me.  Both of you.  To play around."

They both shook their heads. "Not to play with, we'd like to date you." 

 _"Why?_ "

"Why not?" Gabriel asked, letting Cas lean over him a little to get closer.

"Because we like you." Cas clarified. "We like you a lot."

Dean's expression faltered, and he swallowed thickly, looking away, and his voice wavered.  "I don't-- I don't understand.  And I really, really don't want-- I really don't want to be used again."

Gabriel's brow furrowed, turning back to Cas in search of some kind of answer, getting only a pointed look he assumed meant later. "We don't want to use you, Dean." Cas assured. "Promise."

Dean's breath came sharply, not quick or bated, but like a soft gasp with each inhale.  He fidgeted, hands in his lap, wringing together.  His throat tightened, like he was going to cry, but no tears would come as he tried to steady himself.  _Promises don't mean much._

"...Okay," he answered with a soft voice, exhaling shakily, and he didn't look at them, just felt this twisting in his chest.  "Okay."

Carefully, Gabriel laid a hand over Dean's, leaning back so Cas could wiggle close to them, reaching out to brush at his arm.

"Thank you." Cas said softly, trying to calm him down.

Dean nodded slowly, shivering, hands stilling under Gabriel's.  "We're missing the movie."

"I've seen it before." Gabriel shrugged, shifting a little closer, careful not to spook him as he reached up and brushed his jaw. "Can I kiss you?"

The air in Dean's lungs left him, and he met Gabriel's gaze with wide eyes of his own, nerves knotting and pitting in his stomach and chest, heart falling over itself behind his ribs as he glanced to Cas and then back again.  "I-- Yes."

With the kind of gentleness that went against everything else he did, Gabriel slipped his hand under Dean's jaw, kissing him slowly.  Dean's mouth was warm and pliant against his.  Dean's eyes fluttered, shutting slightly as their lips slanted together, so different than the first kiss they'd shared months ago in the kitchen.  There was something undeniably domineering just under the surface as Gabriel kissed him, savoring the taste of his mouth, trying to memorize it.

Dean eased into it, eased against him, hands coming up and hovering for a tentative moment before they settled at his chest.  His fingers curled into the material of his shirt, sucking in a sharp breath as Gabriel's mouth pressed more firmly against his.

Content that Dean was no longer panicked, Gabriel slipped a hand behind his head, flicking his tongue over the seam of Dean's lips. Cas gave a muffled sound from his place next to them, watching avidly  as they kissed.  Dean echoed the sound, lips parting just slightly, so hesitant as Gabriel held him in place.  He could feel his pulse pounding in his head, blood rushing through him in fear and arousal-- because this could be the biggest mistake of his life, but Gabriel tasted so sweet.

Unable to help himself, Cas squeezed into the space between Gabriel and the couch, wriggling his way between them to watch as they kissed. If it wasn't so spur of the moment Cas would have brought popcorn. Gabriel gave a little grunt as Cas moved, flicking his tongue over Dean's lips, taking in sharp breaths when he could.

Dean wavered, another small noise falling over his lips, and one of his hands shot out to steady himself on the back of the couch-- landing on Castiel's shoulder and squeezing instead as Gabriel's tongue delved into the depths of his mouth.  It stole his breath, and he whimpered faintly, Gabriel's kisses so much more claiming than anything he could have expected.

Breathing out a slow sigh, Cas turned his head to nudge at Dean's fingers, slipping a hand around Gabriel's waist, watching as their kiss deepened. Lungs protesting, Gabriel pulled back, panting softly as he looked over at Dean, eyes going dark.

Dean panted, lips red and slick with spit as he sat there under their attentive stares, and he suppressed the urge to squirm.  Wide green eyes darted from Gabriel, to Castiel, and back again from behind his glasses, a deep blush spreading over his face and down his neck.  His fingers uncurled from Castiel's shoulder and Gabriel's shirt, beginning their retraction as he shuddered.

"Um..." he swallowed thickly, not sure what to do, what they wanted.

Rubbing slowly of Gabriel's hip, Cas shifted forwards again, chasing after Dean's hand, fingers brushing over the tops of his knuckles in question. Licking his lips subconsciously, Cas leant towards him, beckoning Dean closer, with a little flick of his finger.

"Don't look so afraid, lover." Cas said, soft and low, eyes flicking down to Dean's lips, and then back up again, silent question in his eyes.

Dean's breath caught, and he felt something tighten in his chest as he gave a short nod as he let their fingers tangle together, his other hand tightening back in Gabriel's shirt. 

Laying a hand over the middle of his chest, Cas let their lips brush, lingering for a moment before he tilted his head, kissing Dean with a slow kind of ease.  Dean melted against him, the familiar touch of Cas' lips like a soothing balm to his frazzled nerves, and he canted his head as their mouths slanted perfectly together.

Carefully cupping his cheek, Cas let their kiss linger, slow and easy, like they had all day.  Dean let out a little moan, pressing in close, shivering as their tongues met.  His fingers tightened in Gabriel's shirt reflexively as they kissed long and steady.

Generally, Gabriel wasn't much for voyeurism, but even he had to admit, they made a pretty picture, all pressed up together.  He felt a heat stir in him at the sight, and bit the inside of his cheek as he reached out to lay a warm hand on Dean's thigh.  He squeezed and Dean moaned faintly against Castiel's lips; Gabriel grin, rubbing over Dean's thigh steadily.

Flicking his tongue over the roof of Dean's mouth, Cas hummed softly, pulling back to catch his breath.  Dean panted, sort of dazed, nerves buzzing just under his skin.  His cheeks were still flush, lips still begging to be kissed, and he let his hand rest at the juncture of Castiel's neck, thumb stroking at his pulse point as he worried his lower lip between his teeth, other hand smoothing out the wrinkles he'd made in Gabriel's shirt.

"Sorry," he breathed, fingers tracing over the material.  "Sorry, I-- Didn't mean to."

Reaching up to brush his hand away, Gabriel offered a little smile. “It's just a shirt, doesn't matter." He assured, taking his hand. Cas leant down to rest his head against Dean's shoulder, a little protective as he nudged at his jaw

Dean shuddered, head canting for him, a small sound falling over his lips as Gabriel's eyes met his.  "I-- I should be more careful."

"I think things look better messed up." Gabriel said, leaning in to kiss him again, slipping an arm around Cas' shoulders.

Dean keened faintly, lips parting instantly for him, shifting closer.  Running a hand through his hair, Gabriel let their kiss deepen, tongues meeting.  Dean gripped sporadically at the back of Castiel's neck as he nosed at Dean's jaw, and he flicked his tongue deftly against the roof of Gabriel's mouth as his free hand draped over Gabriel's waist to tug him even closer.  He felt a spark of need rush through him that was terrifying, and he sucked at Gabriel's tongue as their teeth clicked faintly.

Feeling Dean's pulse quicken, Castiel trailed gentle kisses down his throat, lips moving over warm skin easily. Moving with the tug of Dean's arm, Gabriel pressed up against him, a low groan leaving him.  Dean let out a faint mewl, shuddering, fingers bunching up in the fabric of Gabriel's shirt once more.

Slipping a careful hand around Dean's waist, Gabriel brushed his thumb under the hem of Dean's shirt, kiss devolving into a messy clash of lips and tongue.  Dean's spine curved slightly, gasping against his lips, and he broke away panting, eyes dark.  Staring at Gabriel for a long moment, he felt Castiel's teeth graze _that spot_ on his neck, and he moaned headily as he gave a little, needy tug at Gabriel's shirt.  Eyes fluttering shut, he canted his head further for Castiel's wandering mouth. 

Gabriel shifted again, elbowing Cas as he moved, earning a disgruntled sound as he raised his head. "Move out of the way." Cas grumbled.

"Kinda can't." Gabriel retorted, already practically in Dean's lap. "Would you mind if we moved?"

Dean swallowed thickly, glancing between them, and he seemed at a loss of words for a long moment.  "Okay.  Where?"

"I've got the biggest room." Gabriel suggested, glancing over to Cas for approval, nose crinkling when Cas deposited a kiss on his cheek.

Dean let out a small huff of a laugh at his expression.  "Your room, then."

Castiel looked far too eager, tugging both of them off the couch, making a point of pausing to press a kiss to Gabriel's forehead as he moved, just to watch him roll his eyes and mutter about saps under his breath. Pulling them into Gabriel's room, spacious, and neater than Castiel's, done in warm greens and off-white.

Dean hovered near the door, swallowing thickly, eyes flitting to the bed and then between the both of them.  It was the first time he'd ever been in Gabriel's room.  It made his skin crawl nervously, the idea that it was his first time in his room and under such new, half crazy circumstances made his entire body thrum with anxious energy.

Castiel paused when he saw Dean hesitate, lacing their fingers together and squeezing gently. "Come on, you're welcome here."

"Yeah," he breathed out slowly, shuffling a few steps closer.  "Yeah, I know."

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, Cas beckoned him in, gentle touches soothing and coaxing as Gabriel watched on, feeling a little useless. Cas always had been better at the feelings thing.

Dean stumbled slightly, and then drifted in closer, allowing himself to be drawn in towards the bed.  His nerves flared, and he pulled his hand from Castiel's in order to take his glasses off, wiping his palm against his pant leg as he placed them aside on Gabriel's dresser.  Gaze lingering on his own trembling fingers, he turned back to them with a weak smile.

"Okay, um... You should-- One of you should probably just start kissing me before I over think all of this."

Gabriel was only too happy to oblige, ignoring Cas' whine of protest as he pulled Dean down to kiss him. Pausing a moment to watch, Cas moved to press up against Dean's back, letting his lips drag over the shell of his ear.

Dean gasped against Gabriel's mouth, hands coming up to tangle deep in the shorter man's hair as Castiel plied himself flush against Dean's back.  Mewling faintly, he tugged faintly at Gabriel's hair as their lips slanted firmly together, and one of his hands slipped free to reach around to pull Castiel closer until Dean was sandwiched between the two of them.

Gabriel pressed up against Dean, slipping a hand over Dean's shoulder to run through Cas' hair just how he liked it, earning a low purr of a groan. Sucking a mark under Dean's ear, Castiel mouthed along his jaw, paying attention on every inch of available skin, lips brushing his ear.

"You know we've both wanted you for a while now." Cas said. "When you first walked through that door I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. You looked like a god, so perfect."

Dean swallowed thickly when his and Gabriel’s kiss broke, protest on his lips.  “I’m not.”

"But we think you are." Cas purred, nipping gently at his earlobe, sliding a hand over the ridge of his hip.

Glancing over at Gabriel for a second, Cas watched as Gabriel let his tongue flick over Dean's lower lip, a little envious. Nudging at Dean's cheek to get his attention, Cas craned his neck, not wanting Gabriel to get all the fun.  Breaking the kiss with Gabriel, Dean inhaled sharply, head tilting so that his mouth could slant against Castiel's. 

With a smug sounding hum, Cas let their lips linger together, tongue sliding lazily between his lips.  Dean moaned, complacent and pliant against him, as his lips parted.  His eyes shot open and widened as Gabriel's mouth found a place on Dean's neck, teeth grazing, and he let out a little keen against Castiel's lips as his eyes grew hazy.

Gabriel let his hands wander a little, slipping under the hem of Dean's shirt to rub at his sides, brushing at Cas' fingertips as they worked over him. Dean's gaze fluttered, fell shut, and his hips rocked firmly forward in invitation.  The hand entangled with Castiel's shifted, settling over Gabriel's until all of their hands were touching, intertwining.  Kiss breaking, Dean panted, head lulling back against Castiel's shoulder as he nudged up under Cas' jaw.

Humming contentedly, Cas lent in, nudging at Gabriel's nose to get his attention, kissing him slowly, though Gabriel seemed to have other ideas, deepening it almost immediately.

"Jesus," Dean mumbled, watching the two of them, awed as his bit his lower lip and rocked helplessly as heat pooled in his stomach.

Feeling the roll of Dean's hips, Cas pulled him back, slipping his hands out from under theirs, running them over Dean's thighs, palming at the growing bulge between his legs.  It didn't take Gabriel long to figure out what was going on, slipping his hands further up Dean's shirt, nipping at Cas' lower lip.

There were hands everywhere.  Up the back of his shirt, on his skin, fingers splayed, a palm pressing firmly to Dean's cock as he was met with the sight of the two of them claiming each other's mouths.  Dean felt his length twitch, and he let out a faint whimper as he ground back against Castiel, blunt nails dragging over the back of Gabriel's neck.

Pulling back, Cas panted softly, something dark flaring in his eyes as he nipped at Gabriel's lip, tugging it through his teeth, earning a little growl. "We should move." Cas said, voice rough as he squeezed at the outline of Dean's cock.

" _Ah,_ " Dean bucked slightly, nodding, but he pulled Gabriel closer-- as if fearful they might move away from him. 

Gabriel offered a reassuring little smile, squeezing at his hand gently. "Come with us?" He asked, watching as Cas nuzzled into Dean's neck.

Nodding again, Dean shivered, head canting for Castiel as his eyes locked with Gabriel's.  "I'd like that."

Cas pulled back with a little reluctance, remaining as close as he could as Gabriel tugged at Dean's hand, moving with him, leading him. "We're not going to leave you." Cas mumbled.

Dean flushed, jaw flexing, and he bit back his reply as hand coaxed him over to the bed.  The grin on Gabriel's face bordered on wicked, far too eager as he lead to to settle on his bed, watching as Cas moved to sit against his pillows, far too comfortable looking, a near predatory glint in his eyes.

Dean felt like he was on display or something as he joined them on the bed, and he was quick to catch Gabriel's mouth again.  He couldn't give himself time to think.  Couldn't give himself time to second guess any of this.

Gabriel gave a little chuckle against Dean's lips at the disappointed whine Cas gave, feeling him press up against his side. Moving with a certain grace, Cas moved to slip under the arm Gabriel had pressed to Dean's shoulder, tugging briefly at the hem of his shirt as he mouthed down Dean’s neck, nipping just above his collarbone.

Dean broke the kiss long enough to catch a quick breath, hand tangling into Castiel's hair and tugging his face back away as he leaned down to catch his lips for a moment.  Licking his way into Cas' mouth, Dean let out a needy little moan, other arm draped over Gabriel's shoulder as his hand curled into the material at his back and pulled sharply, wanting at skin.

Not needing to be told twice, Gabriel tugged his shirt off and returned to press against them, leaving a sharp nip under Cas' jaw, earning a little growl as he pulled back.  Panting softly, Cas glanced his way, taking the hint when Gabriel plucked pointedly at his shirt, pulling it off with no fuss and returning to kiss Dean.

Dean felt overwhelmed.  There was so much skin, so much for him to touch and explore.  Moaning as Castiel's mouth slanted firmly over his, he let his palm slide down over the ladder of Gabriel's ribs as his and Castiel's tongue met in the middle.

Gabriel gave a soft hum as a palm slid over his ribs, a little too distracted by the sound Dean made, letting his hands wander up the hem of his shirt, sucking a mark over Dean's collar bone to match the one Cas had left days previous.  Dean let out a soft sound, forehead resting against Castiel's as their kiss broke and he panted.  He squirmed slightly, wanting, pawing at the both of them as hands danced over his skin and mouths pressed greedily along his jaw and neck.

Catching the mark Gabriel had left, Cas let out a little huff, tugging at Dean's shirt and lifting it over his head, lowering his head to suck a bruise over the center of his chest, glancing up at Dean briefly as he moved to suck a nipple into his mouth.

"Fuck-- _Cas_ ," Dean gasped, arching, hand tangling deeper into his hair and scratching as teeth grazed his skin.

Humming in content against his skin, Cas worked over the nub of flesh, spine arching as fingers scraped his scalp.  Gabriel gave a little grunt, nudging at Dean's cheek to catching his attention, slanting their lips together.  Dean's whine, high and desperate, was lost against Gabriel's mouth as his back curved in delight, drawing a hand up Gabriel's back as he nearly clawed at him.  Pushing Dean back until he was laid out over the bed, Cas moved to straddle him, leaving a slightly annoyed Gabriel to reclaim Dean's lips. 

Everything was completely out of Dean's control.  They touched him, moved him, and he went without question.  Lips pressed upon lips, tongues meeting and tangling in a messy heat as Dean moaned, arching, hands moving to burying into Gabriel's hair and clutch at Castiel's hip.

Cas moved lower over his torso, shifting fluidly  to settle between his legs, mouthing over his stomach where his shirt had been rucked up. Taking advantage of Cas' absence, Gabriel moved closer, pressed down against Dean as they kissed, only breaking apart to catch his breath.

"Cas, I--" he arched, gaze fluttering, fingers tight in Gabriel's hair.  "Gabriel, what are you-- how are we?"

"Anyway you want." Cas purred, eyes dark as he stared up at him, briefly watching as Gabriel stroked over Dean's ribs.

His skin jumped under their touch, and he gasped softly.  "Everything.  I want-- I want everything."

Nipping under Dean's ear, Gabriel let his lips trail over the lobe. "I'd like to be in you, if that's okay."

Dean's breath hitched, and he nodded.  "I'd, yes... Yes, I want that."

Looking down at Cas briefly, all kinds of smug, Gabriel tapped at Dean's shoulder. "Sit up for me." He said as he stood, taking his pants off.

Cas rolled his eyes, returning to lay kisses over Dean's stomach.  The second Dean was sitting up, Gabriel was at his side, stripping Dean's shirt up and over his head before tossing it across the room.  Dropping back against the pillows, Dean shivered, feeling their eyes take in all that had been revealed. 

Dean propped himself up onto his elbows, gaze dark as he stared down at Castiel.  Canting his hips up for him, Dean carded his fingers gently through the thick of his hair as Castiel tugged at a belt loop of his jeans.  "Take those off for me?"

Only too happy to oblige, Cas wriggled Dean out of his jeans as he shirked out of his own, kicking them away and leaning up against his hand, rubbing back into it.  Dean sat up, catching his mouth for a moment.  Slipping behind him Gabriel nudged at the back of Dean’s neck, running his hands over his hips.

Dean leaned back against him, letting out a little hum, nails dragging over Castiel's scalp as Dean let his head lull against Gabriel's shoulder.  Pulling him closer, Gabriel pressed up against him, hips rolling unabashedly against his ass.

Dean’s gaze fluttered, and Gabriel rolled against his lower back, anticipation building as skin met skin. Cas raised his head, cheeks flushed as heat curled in him.

"Can I stretch you for him?" He asked Dean, already moving to fetch a bottle of lube.

Dean's breath caught, and he nodded, bucking slightly as Gabriel cradled him back against his chest.

"I think he likes that idea." Gabriel said, letting his lips stray over Dean's cheek.

Cas hummed in agreement, nudging Dean's thighs apart with little brushes of his lips, indulgent and easy.

Dean watched with dark eyes as Castiel stripped him until the three of them were completely bare together on the bed.  He felt Gabriel's mouth brush along his neck, strong arms draped over his chest and waist, holding him securely against his chest.  Dean's hands slipped up, one resting over the palm Gabriel had pressed over his heart and the other squeezing above Gabriel's knee as he tracked Castiel's movements with a keen gaze, legs splaying for him.

Glancing up at them briefly, Cas offered a wicked little grin, adjusting Dean's hips to get a better angle, coaxing one of the legs up to press against his chest, letting Gabriel hold on to it. Sucking kisses against his the inside of Dean's knee, and down his thigh, Cas shifted to nose a his balls, licking a stripe over the cleft of his ass as he spread his cheeks apart.

" _Cas_ ," Dean gasped, eyes wide, and he squirmed in Gabriel's hold. 

He was perfectly in place-- thigh to his chest, other leg draped over one of Gabriel's bent knee-- leaving him completely open to Castiel's wandering mouth.  There was a hard, thick length pressed to his lower back that he knew would be in him soon, but Cas was between his legs, threatening to prep him and drive him mad with a tongue that Dean knew was talented in the most deviant ways, left the anticipation burning twice as bright as his heart thudded harshly in his chest.  His cock twitched at the clever swipe of Castiel's tongue, muscles fluttering with want, and he gave a soft whine as Gabriel squeezed comfortingly at the leg he was holding in place.

"He's good, isn't he?" Gabriel chuckled, nudging underneath Dean's ear, watching as Cas' head buried between Dean's legs. Cas gave a soft hum, amused as a deft tongue flicked over his hole, sucking lazily around his rim.

Dean whined, giving a feeble nod, arching against Gabriel as fire flooded his veins.

"Would you believe I taught him everything he knows?" Gabriel asked, supporting him as he arched. Cas raised his head, lips reddened as he gave Gabriel a dry look.

"Liar." He accused, coating his finger generously in lube and teasing at Dean's entrance, watching as he squirmed.

Dean tried to rock down, tried to get Castiel to fill him with something already, huffing out another whimper.  "Taught him to tease, then?"

"This isn't teasing. If that's what you're after, tell me so I can clear a day for you." Cas said, a little smug as a slid a finger into him, pressing open mouthed kisses over his thigh.

" _Haa_ ," Dean's gaze fluttered, head lulling back against Gabriel's shoulder again as his hands curled tight in Gabriel's fingers and on his knee, hips giving the tiny jerk that they could.  He always derived a great deal of satisfaction when it came to having something in him, in being filled.  Alastair had always taken cruel advantage of it-- as had some of Dean's previous lovers.  There was a tinge of panic that flooded through him at the idea, and he turned his head, nosing at Gabriel's jaw.  "Talk-- talk to me?  Please?"

For a moment, Gabriel's brow furrowed, glancing down at Cas, and taking the urging look on his face as encouragement. "I have to admit, when I saw you with Cas a couple of days ago, I was a little jealous--" He was cut off by a disbelieving snort from Castiel. "Okay, so a lot jealous."

Dean's lips twitched into a faint smile, breath uneasy as Castiel's finger slipped deeper.  "Yeah?  Wish you could've gotten there first?"

"Uh-huh." Gabriel purred, nipping under his ear. "Wish we could have started this weeks ago. There's so much we want to do with you."

Cas let out a smug little chuckle, crooking his finger to rub at Dean's prostate, flicking his tongue around the stretch of his hole.  Dean strained in Gabriel's hold, mewl falling over his lips as pleasure shocked through him, his toes curling as white hot pins and needles spread up under his skin.

"Like-- _Cas, jesus, what_ \-- Like what?"

"Wanna know how long you last before you can't see straight anymore, and how you sound when you come, and what makes you writhe." He hissed, holding him against his chest as Cas stretched him out, pushing another finger into him.

Dean keened, welcoming Castiel's fingers, panting as Gabriel's words ghosted like a brand against his skin.  "What else?"

"Want to know what you look like all strung out, and what you taste like." He murmured, petting over his chest, hips rutting up against him as he grew impatient. "Cas, could you hurry up."

"Patience."

Dean arched, writhing for a moment as Castiel pressed a kiss to his stomach, fingers spreading him open so easily as he gasped and shuddered against Gabriel.  " _Cas, please_."

"So he does beg." Gabriel said, far too enthused, meeting Cas' smug looking face.

"Only if you're good to him." He replied, working Dean over easily, giving the head of his cock a soft lick.

Dean's face burned, blush spreading over his cheeks as he tried to rut down, length twitching heavily between his legs.  His nails dug in at Gabriel's knee, toes curling as he clutched at Gabriel's other hand.  "If you don't-- _I'm so close_.  If you don't stop, I'll--" he bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut as fingers brushed that bundle of nerves in him.

"Enough, Cas. I want to make him come this time." Gabriel said, more of an order than anything else. Castiel rolled his eyes, pulling his fingers out a little reluctantly.

 

"Greedy." He huffed, stroking over Dean's thighs, craving touch.

Dean reached for Cas with one of his hands, curling it around his neck as he tugged him close, slanting their lips together in gratitude.

Humming softly, Cas pressed up against his chest, cupping his cheek affectionately, pulling back to look at him. Letting his leg go, Gabriel shifted under Dean, debating how best to do this, and Cas tapped at Dean's hip upon seeing his dilemma, coaxing him to his knees.

"Ready for him?" He asked, taking the little groan Dean gave as ascent, "Want you to face me when you take his cock, okay, lover. Wanna watch you."

Dean shivered, nodding mutely as he felt perfectly roughened fingers rub up over the back of his thighs, to his ass, settling at his hips.  His eyes were wide, pupils blown out and dark as he leaned forward faintly, hands bracing at Castiel's shoulders as anticipation seared under his skin.

Parting the cheeks of his ass, Gabriel pulled him back a little, lining up against his hole and brought him down over his cock, sliding in to him perfectly.  Cas' lips parted, watching as a thick length disappeared between Dean's legs, a soft groan leaving him.

Gabriel was thicker than Castiel-- he had a greater girth, but Castiel had him beat on length.  He grunted, the pressure intense but bearable, hands flexing at Castiel's shoulders as Gabriel slid home.  Sucking in a shuddering breath, Dean whined, rocking back slightly.  Gabriel bit back a tight groan, keeping his hips still for a moment, hands shifting to Dean's hips to better handle him, giving a experimental little roll of his hips. 

Cas' hands fluttered over Dean's thighs, as he settled in front of him, resting back on his heels.  "You okay?"

He nodded shakily, shuddered as internal muscles fluttered around the thick of Gabriel, getting used to being filled.  "I'm good.  Great, even."

Curling a hand around to meet Gabriel's, Cas pet at his knuckles, nudging at Dean's nose. "We'll take care of you." He promised.

Gabriel echoed his sentiment with the warm kiss he pressed to Dean's back, pulling back slowly out of him only to slide back home, groaning softly at the tightness of Dean's body.  Dean grunted, muscles flexing as Gabriel slid into him.  Keening, he clutched closer to Castiel, panting softly as he pressed a kiss to Castiel's lips.  Legs spreading a touch further, Dean rocked back onto Gabriel with another soft sound.

Gripping at his hips, Gabriel thrust into him, slow and deep, as though testing him before he really started, turning his head to mouth over Dean's neck.  Pressing their foreheads together, Cas nudged at Dean's nose, dropping a hand to stroke slowly over his own length, breath hitching in his throat.

Tangling a hand into Castiel's hair, Dean pulled gently, nails scratching as a slow whine fell over his lips at the easy, idle pace Gabriel took that had pressure twining low in his gut.  Dean caught Castiel's lips again, head canted to make room for Gabriel's mouth on his neck, licking his way into Castiel's gently.  Their tongues met, twining, and Dean sucked-- a silent invitation if Castiel wanted.

Cas pulled back, raising a curious eyebrow at him, stalling his hand at the base of his own cock. "Just enjoy yourself, I can take care of myself." He assured, pressing a kiss to his lips. Shifting his grip, Gabriel upped his pace, driving faster into Dean, the slick sound of skin sliding against skin filling the room.

" _Haa_ ," Dean's spine curved, fingers curling tighter at Castiel's shoulder and into his hair, at the mercy of Gabriel harsh thrusts.  " _Gabriel."_

The smug little smile Gabriel shot Cas was only slightly ruined by the low moan he gave, heat curling in his gut, savoring each sound he pulled from Dean's throat.  Not one to be left out, Cas pressed a heated kiss to Dean's lips, licking into his mouth.

It was dirty-- all tongues and teeth.  Dean moaned against his lips, cock hard and heavy between his legs as Gabriel pounded into him.  He clung to Castiel, rocking back to meet Gabriel, muscles hot and tight around his cock as Gabriel buried deep in him, only to withdraw and repeat the process.  Whining, high and desperate, it joined the slick sounds that were echoing in the room.

Pulling back, Cas stared at him, stroking over his own cock, quick and a little desperate as he watched them, heat curling tight. Gabriel let his teeth graze at Dean's neck, dragging red curves against his skin, pace faltering as he pushed closer to the edge.

"Lemme see," Dean panted, pleasure sparking vibrantly within him, and he canted his hips to take Gabriel deeper-- coaxing a mewl out of him as bliss burst along his nerve endings.  Clutching to Castiel, he could feel himself growing closer and closer to the edge, each inward thrust bringing a keen over his lips.  "Wanna-- _ah, GabrielGabriel_ \-- wanna see you come, Cas.  Let me watch."

It didn't take any further prompting for Cas to finish, spilling into his hand, expression twisting up in ecstasy, a low whine leaving him. Panting heavily, Gabriel drove up into Dean, harsh and deep until he came, biting at Dean's shoulder to muffle the sound. 

The combination of it, of Castiel's face etched in bliss and of the feeling over Gabriel's teeth sinking into him as release flooded through him that sent Dean tumbling over the edge with a ragged, half broken scream, spilling out onto Gabriel's sheets.

Panting harshly against Dean's neck, Gabriel went lax against him, arms falling against the sheets, half expecting to wake up and realize Dean still hated them. Shifting closer, Castiel rested his forehead against Dean's shoulder, nudging at heated skin with his nose gently.

"Fuck," Dean breathed out heavily, shuddering as he stroked through Castiel's hair gently, chin resting against his head, slick with sweat as he panted.  " _Fuck_."

Castiel let out a soft hum, nuzzling into his chest for a moment before he raised his head, a satisfied little grin on his face. "That was fun."

"Ought try being back here." Gabriel mumbled, pressing a kiss to Dean's cheek and sliding out of him, collapsing back on the bed.

Dean groaned, slumping forward against Castiel as Gabriel's come slid down the insides of his thighs, still vaguely breathless as he buried his face against Cas' neck.  Kissing there, he nudged up under Cas’ jaw, fingers running down the back of his neck.  His voice was low and dark as he murmured in his ear, but there was something hollow just under the surface-- something not quite right beneath the affection and lust.

"Should've let me suck you," he breathed, teeth dragging over his ear, and it was as if his body was on autopilot-- still trying to please them.  "Would've made you scream."

Cas gave a little hum, neither acceptance or denial, coaxing Dean to lay back with him, pressing up to Gabriel's side. "I'm sure you would have." He assured, petting affectionately through Dean's hair, knowing exactly what he was doing.

"That would have been a sight." Gabriel mumbled, lifting the arm he had thrown over his eyes to peek down at them, draping an arm over Dean's shoulders.

Tense muscles eased under their touches, letting out a soft breath, he relaxed back into the bed.  Head leaning into Castiel's touch, he caught Gabriel's hand, worrying his lower lip between his teeth.  "Anything you guys want."

Glancing down at Cas for a second, Gabriel squeezed at his hand, shifting to better curve around Dean's body, bracketing him in between them.

“What if we want what you want?" Cas asked, rubbing at the back of his neck.

Dean let his eyes fall shut, voice soft.  "What if I don't know what I want?"

"Then we'll help you figured it out." Gabriel mumbled, comfortably pressed against Dean's chest. "With lots, and lots of experimentation."

Dean huffed out a laugh, peering at him curiously.  "And if I don't like something?"

"Then we won't do it." Cas said, answering before Gabriel could get the same words out.

Dean looked over at him, shivering slightly.  "Even if it's something you like?"

“Yes.  If you don’t like it, we won’t do it.”  Cas insisted.

Dean fell silent.  He buried in close, tugging Castiel flush against his back as he buried his face against Gabriel neck, inhaling deeply.  Letting out a soft sound, he nudged at Gabriel's jaw, squeezing Castiel's hand in his.

"Thank you," he murmured softly, lacing their fingers together with a touch of reluctance

"Welcome." They mumbled, weirdly synchronized, pressing up to either side of Dean's body. Cas groped around for Gabriel's hand, lacing their fingers together, enjoying the connection.

It took longer than they'd expected for Dean to fall asleep, comfortably pressed between them, warm, and safe. Shifting carefully, Gabriel raised his head, offering a little smile over to Cas, not wanting to move too much lest he wake Dean. Tracing idly over Dean's shoulder, Gabriel's brows furrowed, catching a long scar that ran from the peak of his shoulder down to middle of his back. Catching the direction of his gaze Castiel reached over to him, brushing at Gabriel's hand.

"He didn't tell me what happened." He said, preempting Gabriel's question. "But they aren't very old. There's some on the back of his thighs that can't be more than three months old."

Gabriel's frown only deepened, curling a little closer to Dean, something protective flaring in him. "He mentioned an ex a while ago."

"And someone keeps sending him things. Creepy little poems." Cas said, nose crinkling in distaste at the memory. "Same person?'

"Probably." Gabriel agreed, huffing softly. 

"We should at least try to he--"

"No.  No, Dean doesn't need to know we know.  It'll just freak him out." Gabriel said.

Cas nodded reluctantly. 

* * *

Dean woke slowly.  It was calm and easy.  His breath gradually deepened from the soft shallow way he'd been sleeping all night.  He was so warm, cushioned between soft bodies and covered in warm blankets.  It had been a very long time since he'd felt so safe.  Humming softly, he buried in close, face pressed against someone's collarbone as he blinked awake.

His heart surged.  He inhaled sharply, form going rigid between the two of them-- Gabriel slotted against his back and Castiel flush against his chest.  Their legs were all tangled and arms were draped precariously over Dean and onto each other.  Shifting, he froze as one of them grunted, wincing when he realized he couldn't sneak away from them.  He couldn't go hide in his room and hope they never mentioned it again.  Pulse racing, he tried to keep his breath steady as he realized they'd both had him.  They'd both gotten what they wanted, and now they didn't need him around anymore. 

Letting out a soft huff, Castiel shifted in his sleep, roused by the movement of Dean's body, blinking slowly as he woke. Squinting over at Dean, a sleepy little smile curled his lips, pressing a lazy kiss to his forehead.

"Morning, Dean."  He mumbled, leaning up to look over at Gabriel, still asleep against Dean's back.

"Uh..." he breathed, peering up at him, face coloring a deep red.  "Morning."

Curling an arm around him, Cas pressed in close for a moment, nuzzling under his jaw, still sleep hazed and warm. "Sleep well?"

"Yes," he said softly, shivering, and he let himself relax a bit into his touch.

Castiel hummed his content, reaching over him to rub affectionately over Gabriel shoulder, getting only a vague sound in response. Nudging gently at Dean's nose, he smiled at him. "Good."

"How did--?"  Dean cleared his throat, face burning, and his gut gave a helpless little flop as their noses brushed.  "How did you sleep?"

Tilting his head ever so slightly, Cas peered at him, seeing something slightly off in his gaze. "Well. Are you sure you slept well?"

"Yeah," he nodded, feeling like he was being analyzed.  "Yeah, I-- Great, actually.  I slept... I slept really great."

Cas frowned, nudging gently at his nose. "Then what's troubling you?"

His breath hitched, and he shifted back from the soft touch, blushing again.  "Nothing."

Groping around to take Dean's hand, he squeezed gently, pressing it to his chest. "You seemed stressed."

"I--" he cut himself off, hand flexing against his skin, and his eyes strayed down to it.  Licking his lips, he felt his stomach twist and tighten, and he pressed closer to him even as Gabriel's arm tightened around his waist.  Dean wanted to stay, wanted the both of them, and if this was how he could have them-- he would take it.  "Nothing.  It's really nothing, Cas.  Don't worry about it."

Reluctantly, Cas nodded, pressing a kiss to Dean's knuckled. Gabriel made a soft chuff against Dean's skin, nuzzling into Dean's neck in his sleep, reaching blindly for Cas' arm and clinging onto it.  Dean smiled, shivering as lips brushed his neck.  His eyes fluttered shut, and he let out a soft sound, tugging Castiel's hips flush against his as he rocked back against Gabriel's.

Gabriel shifted again, curling his arm tighter around Dean's waist reflexively, grunting softly.

"Bit early for this isn't it?" Cas asked, brushing over the ridge of his cheekbone.

"Is it?" he leaned in, lips just brushing over Cas' as the hand pressed to Castiel's chest drifted up until it was tangled in his hair.

Leaning his head towards Dean's hand, Castiel stared at him for a moment, as though deciding what kind of headspace Dean was in. "A little. But I'll try anything once."

Dean grinned, all charm like he was seducing a patron at The Crow, and he angled his head as he let his teeth graze along the length of Castiel's jaw, scruff burning against his lips pleasantly-- a sensation he could hold onto.  "Try me, then."

"I already have. Twice in fact." Cas mumbled.

Nails scraped lightly over his scalp.  "Try me again."

Humming softly, Cas let their lips brush together, still lazy from sleep.  Dean slanted his mouth more firmly over Castiel's, pressing in closer as they kissed. Cupping his cheek, Cas curled an arm around him, shaking off Gabriel's grip, earning a soft groan from him as he curled closer to Dean's back.  Moaning faintly, Dean nipped at Castiel's lower lip, shivering as he felt himself bracketed in between two warm bodies.

Gabriel raised his head behind them, blinking sleep away as he looked across at them. "Did I miss s'thing?" He asked, voice sleep slurred as he watched them kiss.

Breaking apart, Dean panted softly, nudging at Castiel's nose as he turned to glance over at Gabriel, giving him that same charming smile he'd offered to Cas.  Hand coming up, he cupped Gabriel's jaw, guiding him close as he pressed a kiss to his lips too, fleeting and just barely there. 

"Not yet."  He murmured, kissing him again, the ghost of a touch-- teasing.  "Want to join in?"

"Sure" Gabriel mumbled, blinking at him groggily for a second, slinging an arm around Dean's waist, still sleepy, but awake enough to know what was happening.

Cas rolled his eyes, nudging under Dean's jaw affectionately. "Careful, you'll get him used to morning sex."

"That's okay," Dean muttered, gaze fluttering for a moment.  "Anything you want.  Anything either of you want."

"Think we'll hit a difference of opinion then." Cas teased, pressing warm kisses over Dean's jaw, lazy and gentle as Gabriel stroked at Dean's sides, mouthing along the back of his neck.

Dean let out a breathy sound, the hand tangled in Castiel's hair tightening as he reached around to smooth a hand down over Gabriel's flank, tugging him ever closer.

The hum Cas gave could have passed for a purr, slipping a leg between Dean's as he coaxed him to roll over, Gabriel moving in accordance. "What do you want?"

Dean let his hands fall over his head, like they were framing him, and he smiled up at Cas with dark eyes.  "You ask me that every time-- you'd think you'd know my answer by now."

"Maybe we're waiting for a different answer." Cas said, nudging at his jaw as Gabriel moved to hover over him.

"You," Dean said, jaw flexing briefly.  "Both of you.  Anyway I can."

"You keep saying that." Cas mumbled, no bite in his words as he trailed down Dean's neck, sliding a hand over Gabriel's looking up briefly to watch him steal a kiss from Dean.

"Want you inside of me," he breathed against Gabriel's lips, hands coming up to tangle in the both of their hair, and the words seemed both genuine and rehearsed as he coaxed Castiel's mouth back up against his.  "And I want you inside of me.  Want to taste every inch of you both."

Cas' brow furrowed, not quite liking Dean's tone, though he didn't get the chance to say anything.  Gabriel looked so content, he didn't want to spoil his fun with what were probably unfounded fears.

"How the hell do we deserve you," Gabriel mumbled, almost reverent as he brushed his lips to Dean's.

Dean didn't answer, slotting their mouths together once more, tongue flicking past Gabriel's lips idly as they kissed.  Pressing a hand to the middle of his chest, Gabriel pressed Dean back, settling over his hips as they kissed, lazy, and sleep addled.  There was a pleased breath of a sound as Dean relaxed beneath him, hand drifting down the back of Gabriel's neck and stroking idly.

Busying himself with the expanse of Dean's neck, Cas left a trail of kisses down his throat, and across his collarbone, moving with Gabriel so they wouldn't bump into each other.  Moan lost against Gabriel's lips, Dean arched faintly, eyes fluttering as he groped at both of them blindly.

Setting his worry aside, Cas mouthed over Dean's collarbone, biting just under the ridge of bone. In the writhe of bodies, it was difficult to tell who was touching who, hands straying over skin.  They all sought one another.  One moment, Dean had both of their attention, and the next he was returning it to one of them, to both of them.  It was a lazy, easy mess of limbs-- kisses and touches exchanged for more of them.

Keening softly, Dean's skin jumped, and he arched as roughened hands he recognized as Castiel's pressed his hips back into the mattress.  He squirmed faintly, fingers catching in Gabriel's hair and tugging gently, as his toes curled in delight.

Kissing him soundly, Gabriel settled between his legs, sheets a tangled mess at the bottom of the bed, shivering as Cas traced out the curve of his spine with his tongue.  Dean let out a needy sound, shifting restlessly beneath Gabriel, eyes dark as their kiss broke.  They both peered down at Dean, equally hungry looks on their faces.

Moving to press a fleeting little kiss to Dean's lips, Cas nudged under Dean's ear. "The things we'll do to you."

A whine caught in Dean's throat, and he swallowed thickly, feeling a nerve-fraying rush of heat as he nodded-- not really sure what he was agreeing to but wanting it anyways.

"Never be left wanting again." Cas purred, his lips brush over the shell of Dean's ear, letting Gabriel busy himself with Dean's lips.

Dean moaned, fingers tangling into Gabriel's hair as tongues met in a slick, messy slide.  He shuddered, almost violently beneath them, want burning so bright in him he thought he might be glowing.  Breaking away panting, he tugged at Gabriel's hair and then at Castiel's. 

"Please," he breathed, nails dragging over the back of Castiel's neck.  "Please."

"Please what?" Gabriel asked. "You want me in you again, or do you want Cas this time?"

"Cas," he muttered, palming the back of Castiel's head, tugging at his hair softly.  "Want you in me.  If that's alright."

Castiel hummed contemplatively, looking over at Gabriel for a second. "I think I’d have rather someone in me," he said, smirking at Gabriel, pushing him off Dean, and coaxing him up.

"But we can make it work." He added, seeing Gabriel's confusion and chucking him a bottle of lube. "Have at it." He purred, laying down before him, legs spread unabashedly.

Dean faltered.  Cas was laying on his back, smile warm as Gabriel shuffled to settle between Cas' legs.  Was he just supposed to watch?  That would be fine with him, the sight was certainly enough stimulation for him-- Gabriel and Castiel looked so breathtaking together-- but he'd never been allowed to just watch before.  And it had been a long time since he'd just had to worry about his own pleasure and not anyone else's.

Castiel's eyes rolled back when Gabriel slid a slick finger into him, spine arching as he twisted slowly on the sheets, a show if ever one had been seen. Curling a leg around Gabriel hip, Cas let himself be stretched, his hips canting as he turned to look at Dean, a lascivious smile on his face.

"Wanna make you feel good to." He said.  "Come on, sit on me, let me rim you."

“Jesus," Dean breathed, eyes wide, flush burning up his chest and neck as his jaw fell faintly slack.  "Are you serious?"

"Does it look like I'm kidding." Cas said, trying for a flat tone that was ruined by the long groan he gave when Gabriel rubbed at his prostate, arching his spine to press onto his fingers. "Come on."

"I-- I've never--"  Dean shifted closer, but hesitated, voice so soft as he watched Gabriel work him open so easily.  "Cas, I've never done that."

Gabriel stared at him for a second, almost disbelieving. "Really?" He asked, "First time for everything, I guess."

Cas looked over at him, biting at his lip to stifle a groan, pushing back against seeking fingers. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

Dean nodded, a little breathless, and then moved.  Hands came up to him, coaxing him and guiding him into place as his knees fell at either side of Castiel's torso.  He shivered as warm fingers rested on the curve of his ass, his own hands bracing slightly at Castiel's chest as he settled above him, green eyes straying up to meet Gabriel's heated gaze as Dean worried his lower lip between his teeth before glancing back down to where Gabriel had three fingers buried into Castiel's entrance. 

Cas let out a satisfied little hum, petting at Dean's hips as he rolled his body to better meet the idle thrust of Gabriel's fingers, squirming impatiently.  Adjusting himself, Cas parted the cheeks of Dean's ass, making an indulgent little groan, licking a stripe over his hole.

Muscles spasmed, fluttering, and Dean gasped as his fingers curled against Castiel's skin.  Swallowing thickly, he shifted, spreading his legs a little bit for him and then trained his eyes on where Gabriel was spreading Cas open.  Cas groaned headily as Gabriel’s fingers slipped free, only to be replaced by the thick length of his cock, warm and pulsing inside of him.

" _Fuck_ ," Dean's head lulled back, feeling the vibrations skitter along his nerve endings, and he moaned as his own cock twitched-- the sight of Gabriel filling up Castiel something he could enjoy this time.

Cas shifted faintly, groaning at the stretch that came with being full, taking a moment to refocus before licking around Dean's hole again, deft tongue working him over. Stalling his hips, Gabriel looked over them, the obscene sounds Cas was making doing nothing to help his control, gripping at Cas' hips and thrusting into him, deep and steady at first, until he got a heel to the ribs for his hesitation, taking him harder.

Dean whined, squirming, the sight of it all and the feel of Castiel tongue, hot and wet teasing at him as pleasure burned at his nerves like ice.  Panting softly, he moaned, watching the way Gabriel's expression twisted, happy to finally witness it himself.

The jarring thrusts Gabriel drove into him had Cas arching up into every roll of his hips, enjoying the rough slide into Gabriel's body, keening as he angled just right, brushing his prostate. Pushing his face closer, he sucked at Dean's rim, licking his way into him with sharp stab of his tongue.  Dean's breath caught then morphed into a soft cry, nails dragging up along the ladder of Castiel's ribs, and he trembled as his cock twitched, panting as his hips gave a subtle rock.

Humming softly in approval as Dean's hips moved, Castiel hooked a leg around Gabriel's hips, pulling him in closer, muscles flexing as he angled his hips. Panting, Gabriel looked up at Dean, a soft growl leaving him, pace faltering as heat curled in his gut.  Dean rocked again, writhing for a moment, expression lax in his pleasure as he panted.  He took himself in hand, stroking over his cock with jerky movements that were timed to Gabriel's thrusts as he met the other man's gaze with a whine.

Castiel let out a long groan, spine arching in some kind of obscene show as he came, the little whimper he gave muffled against Dean's ass, slipping a finger into him to rub at his prostate. Gabriel stilled for a second eyes widening at the sudden tightness around him, giving a last few deep thrusts before he spilled out into Cas' ass.

" _Fuck--"_ Dean slapped a hand over his mouth, muffling his groan as he tensed, spilling out to join Castiel's release over his stomach as he pumped himself through it, shuddering above him.

Cas let his head fall back, blowing out a long breath, eyes glassy as he relaxed, petting slowly at Dean's hip. Gabriel let his head hang forward, panting until he caught his breath again, looking up at them as he pulled out, earning a disgruntled hiss from Castiel.

"Think I could get used to wake up calls like that." 

Dean pulled away, flopping down onto the bed next to Castiel, their heads in opposite directions as he panted, trying to catch his breath, sort of dazed.  Nudging his way between them, Gabriel fell face first next to Cas' shoulder, letting out a satisfied little groan as he shifted. Chuckling softly, Cas turned his head to regard them both, slinging an arm over Gabriel's torso, fingers brushing Dean's.

Dean's fingers twitched, and he slid them subtly away as he propped himself up on his elbows, peering over at him. 

"I uh..." Dean gave him a small smile, breath still a little short.  "I think I'll shower."

Cas nodded slowly, pressing up against Gabriel, content to hold whoever was available, tangling their legs together. "You'll come back and see us, right?"

"You want me to?" he asked, sliding from the bed, standing on slightly shaking legs.

They nodded, and Gabriel raised his head enough to smile over at him. "Well, duh."

"Sure," Dean shrugged, moving towards the door.  "Yeah, uh.  Sure."

Cas offered him a dopey little smile as he left, promptly burying his face into Gabriel's neck.

**Author's Note:**

> Story Title: "Modern Guilt" by Beck  
> Chapter One Title: "Love is All" by The Tallest Man On Earth  
> Chapter Two Title: "Ramblin' Man" by The Allman Brothers Band


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